One of my favorite movies, When Harry Met Sally, talks about men and women being friends... Harry labels the task virtually impossible. And, because it is Hollywood and EVERYONE ends up with their perfect soul mate in the most adorable way possible, well, the movie proves not only can men and women not be just friends, you are going to marry your man/woman "friend".... Making them never your friend and always your soul mate.
To say I've seen that movie 429 times is an understatement. I cannot turn it off when it is on TBS. I love it. But I do think that men and women can be friends.
I have lots of male friends. We are all mutually in the friend zone. I think some outsiders (read: people I did not go to Penn State with) may think there are some boundary issues with our friend zone, but, regardless - we are all there. I'm totally ok with this. I love the friend zone.
I have a friend, who I will name because even though she follows she doesn't read, Natalie, who is ALWAYS in the friend zone and hates it. We used to tease her about this, but, after a message from virtual friend G-Lo, I think I finally understand where she is coming from.
Natalie's problem is not that she is in the friend zone. Like I said - it's all mutual. And, really, we have such a great group of guy friends! They are all attractive. All funny. All great at conversation. Just great times! And, let's be honest, there is a secret hope that they will eventually lead us to outsiders and new male specimens that we can love and not friend.
So, like I said, Natalie's problem is not just that she is in the friend zone, it's that her male friends have put her so deep into the friend zone they have TOTALLY FORGOTTEN SHE IS A GIRL. Just ask to see a picture message she's received from GHyde or Lucas. It's disgusting. There are no boundaries. But, the likes of Chris Lucas and GHyde are not the only ones to blame - Natalie laughs at the disgusting picture messages they send her and, to whatever degree, reciprocates.
I don't know what degree because I am a girl and that is not funny to me.
Now that we know what Natalie's problem is (HA - she'd be so mad if she was reading. But, I'm still confident she's not because she is "studying" for med school or something...), here is my problem:
I have recently been moved, by a male friend, so deep into the friend zone, there is no return. And, again, I'm not trying to move myself to a romantic or sexual place with him, I just want him to think I have SOME LADYLIKE CHARACTERISTICS.
His name: G-Lo
His offense: http://720california4thfloormensroom.blogspot.com/
The website is sick.
Do not click it at work.
Or, go ahead, click it.
G-Lo thinks this is just a hoot and said he had tears streaming down his face he was laughing so hard. Etc. Etc.
You're curious now.
Should you click this at work? Can you wait to go home? Are you going to type it into your smartphone so you can check it at work and not get a "Web Advisory" on your work computer??
If you click it, just know that I do not recommend or support that action. And you cannot put me into the so deep, dark corners of the friend zone that you think I am no longer ladylike and feminine for sharing. Because I am ladylike and feminine, God damnit.
In being totally forthright with you, I did have to do a mental run through of my guy friends to make sure I'm not so deep in the friend zone they actually don't think I'm a girl anymore. Two gentleman surfaced to the top of the list of "could possibly be so deep into the friend zone they don't even think I'm a girl anymore" and I don't think it's any surprise to you that these two are: Greg Hyde and Jarrod Grim.
On the surface, my conversations, at some point or another, with both of these gentleman have reached inappropriate, and maybe, disgusting levels. With Jarrod, for example, there is just naturally NO BOUNDARIES. And, Greg, well, the he is usually the one that "goes there". Both gentleman make me laugh out loud and are so funny, so when they go there - well, I laugh and probably encourage that. I do not want to crush their spirits - they bring so much joy to me.
Which leads us to the next point: How I have established I am a lady when there appears to be no boundaries. Also known as: Things Natalie Could Learn From Me (TNCLFM). Based on reader response, this could have potential to be a new feature in the blog. Most of the fun being, THE Natalie in TNCLFM would never read it anyway.
1) I primp. A lot. Both have witnessed this. Natalie has the great short hair cut that dramatically reduces her getting ready time. She can blow dry, flat iron and apply mascara in the time it takes me to condition my hair. TNCLFM: Establish femininity by taking a long time to get ready. Boys get ready fast. Not girls.
1A) Realize the time you have to primp. When I raged with Jarrod, Jonathan and Kit in Austin I realized, as the only girl, I had to be careful of my getting ready time. I was successfully the lowest, high maintenance I could be by: curling my hair, wearing a dress and still being ON TIME. This keeps you in the Friend Zone and not the "Why the hell did we invite her anyway" Zone.
2) My doodad was better than Natalie's on New Years Eve (but I did like Natalie's doodad). Greg has called me his "little feather duster". Sometimes. TNCLFM: Establish a nice nickname with male friends. Anything related to "grogbog" is disgusting and you should not answer to it.
3) Realize that there are things men do that women should not do. Yes, I know this is a whole other can of worms and no, I am not taking it there. But, I'm trying to set some standard roles when it comes to boys and girls. So- putting air in my tires: boy. Killing a spider: boy. Grilling: boy. TNCLFM: Ask for help with some things, even if she knows how to put air in her tires (which I do not).
4) Provide more useless girl knowledge rather than purposeful (not necessarily useful) man knowledge. For example, how CUTE is this GMA puppy!! The answer is SO CUTE! TNCLFM: Share cute knowledge sometimes, not factual facts.
5) Five is the most important of all items. And, hopefully, I've lost my parents by this point. The best part of having cool, attractive, fun male friends is that they are usually friends with the same! I mean, yes I have entered friend zone with some of my friend's attractive friends. But, I have not entered that zone with ALL of them. It's so much fun to have the off the hook flirtang meter with a fresh specimen. Not that you are going to marry or even date this human, but, to some degree, you should start off playful and/or coy. Gosh! I don't know how she does it, but that Natalie can always find the friend zone... somehow!.
TNCLFM: French your friend's friends!
Now you see, I definitely am not a regular reader. As Megan is one of my bffls, I expect to be kept abreast of her life via chatchatchattings on the phone, gchat, circling, etc. NOT blogspot.com. (no offense, followers) but since I was notified of my being a focus of this blog I was obviously more than inclined to take a peek. That being said, I respond:
ReplyDeleteYes, I am undoubtedly one of the most "friend zone" girls you will ever meet. I have always been and probably always be surrounded by males in a painstakingly platonic way. (I am very seriously un-considering career choices because of the low male:female ratio). Yes, GH and CL used to send me pics of their morning-after #2s. No, I do not reciprocate. I did not click G-Lo's link nor do I have any desire to. And I'm getting pretty good at being a girl, please ask roomies W and Higgs. Anywayyy...
1. I just recently purchased a large curling iron, my hair is growing out (I want to touch it with my fingers when I wrap my arm around my back), and from here on out, I vow to take longer to primp myself. Ok, that was easy.
2. Megan helped me pick out my doodad for NYE. Point #2 must be struck from the record unless Megan has been plotting this slander from Dec 31, 2008. If mine was so terrible, why didn't she advise me better?!!
3. I do not put air in my own tires (Mike from the Getty station does that). I do not grill (remember, I almost burned down 338). I will kill a spider or even a mouse (even though I lived with boys, W and Higgs would have let Miss Morsel Mouse run amuck if traps weren't set. What's worse--my being a girl killing mice or my being a girl having mice in my apt?!).
4. I like facts of any sort. I just happen to spend more time learning factual facts as opposed to reading cute knowledge. I welcome any and all to share their cute knowledge with me in email/text format so that I may share this knowledge with friend's friends and better my chances of landing a husband.
5. I have frenched more recently than you have, Meg. Self-admittedly, my flirty eye is weak but I'm trying to practice and become oh so coy. My grandma told me I shouldn't go out wearing contacts OR glasses. A friend of hers used to do this and then asked all of the fellas to help her pick out a drink and then she would have to nuzzle so so closely to these suitors in order to see them but they obviously just thought she was trying to lean in close for the flirtang factor.
Now, I ask, why is my being in the friend zone with all of the males such the terrible thing? I am no further from finding a husband than most readers out there on this blogspot. Single is single is single. Unless youre not single, then you're winning in the game of not being in the friend zone and you've clearly got some tricks up your sleeve and should probably pass them along to myself AND Miss Megan Miller....
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