Farewell 2011!

Good Day and Welcome to the last blog post of 2011.

I had a terrible thought today, and that thought was: what if this isn't the last blog post of 2011, but the last blog post of abitcattywampus? Silly, I know, but I feel an unnecessary amount of (self) pressure to up my blogging skills, content and occurences. You know, I do listen to what you followers say in casual conversation and you're all a very difficult group to please. If I'm telling wild tales of raging some of you say "Uh, Megan, too long of a post" or "Uh, Megan, we like it better when you complain" or some say "I didn't laugh at that" (cough, Jarrod).  I also am worried that the only person that really reads my blog is my Dad. And, while my Dad is a great follower, he kind of has to read if he's a follower. I mean, I am the oldest and best child. It only makes sense!

What am I getting at here? I think I need to revamp the blog in 2012 if it's going to survive.  I need to be more dedicated to posting. And, I need to think what I'm going to post about. And I need to find 100 followers! And that's what I'm FEELING and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it.

I'll decide at 12:04AM 1/1/2012.

But, since all of that is happening in 2012, here's what I've been busy doing these last few weeks of 2011:

Most immediately, I have a run in my hoe. And what does that mean, exactly? In college, the roommates and I took to some particular speaking habits. We can speak for hours in what will sound like entirely incomplete thoughts in a different language, but we all know what is going on. One of the peculiar things (or so others have told me) was our ability to singuar-ize (new word) things that are usually plural for the singluar. So, like... Pants : Pant. Shoes: Shoe. Hose: Hoe. These may seem like minor changes, but it's enough for an outside listener to think: What? A sentence could be: I couldn't find a pant I liked that matched my shirt. I need a shoe to wear tonight (even though we would definitely be wearing two shoes). Or, I have a run in my hoe (abbreve for hose, abbreve for pantyhose/nylon/tights). This run in my hoe is just about trying to ruin my day. These are BRAND NEW! They were an average of $4, but they are nude and see through but still thick with a very subtle pattern. Perfect for spicing up a work outfit without being out of control. And my new boot has this great zipper on it and just SNAGGED it like SNAGGING is it's job! Which, it is NOT because WALKING is there job. This all happened before 9AM on a great outfit day. Happy Thursday. God.

Transitioning: I did not wear pantyhose when I was home for the holidays. I spent much of my time in sweats, jeans and leggings. I didn't even really pack a work outfit which was terrible because I went into the office and had to dress business casual. I love going into the Pittsburgh office because I have met some wonderful people in that office through my last role. I don't really go in to the office to work - I go in to the office to go to lunch with the ladies. We went to Max and Irma's and I had the chicken tortilla soup and it was fabulous!

Baby Rain also came to visit for the weekend. I cannot say ENOUGH how cute he is! He can work the iPad and iPhone and with a little bit of help has beaten a level of Angry Birds (I'm not bragging or anything.) He also loves remotes and the on/off button on the TV. I, however, really like the Weeble toy we got him that has a crank to get the Weebles to the top of the slide and then they hit a noise maker at the end of the slide and this really great Weebles Wobble But The Don't Fall Down Music plays. Most grown ups play with that toy longer than Baby Rain does.

Miller Family Christmas happens the week before Christmas for as long as I can remember. This was the third annual Cousin's Night Out, celebrated on the Southside and everyone that could be in attendance was! We milked a few uncles for some cash money and my Dad also attended and purchased the first round! We had a lot of fun and were pretty well behaved until Cousin Danny decided to crowdsurf at the bar with all the cousins. The bouncer quickly yelled at Boyfriend Matt (least likely to cause a problem) and the bartender secretly told us that it was pretty impressive that we were able to have him crowd surf for so long. This was at 1:45 and when we all decided Primanti's would be a good idea. It was. And the half I saved for breakfast the next morning was also a great idea!

The big Christmas event for my Mom's side of the family is Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve has always been the favorite holiday of all, until recently. The olds just complicate everything with there whacko planning. I'm not sure if it has always been this way or only recently, but let's be serious: there is no need for my dinner plate to have lasagna, pork roast, roast beef sandwich and stuffed pepper soup on it. Not because that is a lot of food (I had small portions, anyway) but because that DOES NOT GO and requires a LOT of effort. Also, my Aunt Ro's house has a very small basement and she basically shoves us all down there. She doens't actually shove us there, but that is where the food and drinks and chairs are so we don't have much choice to go anywhere else. My aunt also moved the very appropriately placed in a corner day bed and put it in the MIDDLE of the room. I think the idea was "look, now 6 people can sit on the bed instead of 3!" but it was still a TWIN BED in the MIDDLE of the room. It also gave the kids an opportunity to throw themselves on the bed and bounce other people while they were eating, drinking, chatting. It was weird. Also, we do the grabbag. Last year you remember (right?) that I painstakingly folded 25 $1 bills into a christmas wreath as a gift. This year, I was insipred by Parks and Recreation and made a Female TREATCHOSELF! gift that included: Diamonds (fake), Chocolate (covered pretzels) and Champagne (Korbel). My aunt ended up with this present and loved the sparkly bracelet, gave cousin Kelly the champagne and I snatched back those chocolate covered pretzels (yum!). I ended up with some knives - which I was pleased about.

My immediate family opens gifts on Christmas Eve. So after the events of Aunt Rosemary's Christmas Eve we all trecked back to my house (one street away) and searched for wine and after dinner liqour, clicked on the HDTV Yule Log and carols and began to open presents! This year we totally blew my mom's socks off and got her 8 of the wine glasses she loves and would never have got for herself. We wrapped them differently and gave them to her at separate times so she was really surprised - we did a good job! I always complain that I don't have any surprises for Christmas because I'm usually my mother's elf: shopping, wrapping, etc, but this year I did have surprises and got a lovely tortosie Coach boyfriend watch and my sister surprised me with this fake fur I've been adminiring at Macy's. Brother Adam got me all kinds of Steelers gear and Brother Matt asked me to buy myself something so he got me the boots that snagged the hoe I'm wearing today. Dad capped off Christmas by presenting me and Allie with savings bonds that were purchased in our name at birth and are just about done earning interest - woohoo!

The holiday was a total success and I had a great time being home! Although, I'm glad to be back in Dallas and attempting to reestablish some type of routine! The rest of 2011 will be spent on chores and mini projects and reading. Oh, and then I guess I'll also ring in the New Year with some lovely friends!

2011, you were The Times. 2012, the bar's been set high!

the unthinkable...

I'm getting ready to leave Dallas!

Do you feel like all I do is blame my lack of updating on travel plans?? Because I do! Lot's of back and forth this fourth quarter, and if things go my way... a trip to visit girlfriend Sarah for MLK weekend, a business trip back to Chattanooga at the end of January and perhaps another girls trip with Ashley and Kim to California in February or March will lead me right into all the bridal goodness to celebrate bride-to-be Allison in Philadelphia will take me pretty much through June! But, that's ok... because that's the only way I'd have it.  Now that I have the iPhone with much improved touch screen capabilities for enhanced texting, perhaps I'll figure out how to work the blogger app. Perhaps.

So, when we lasted chatted I told you I was online dating. This is true. I was winking and messaging with the best of them. And I even set up 3 dates with humans who passed the initial scan. I actually had to stop going on match.com becuase the amount of emails and winks is totally overwhelming. For the most part, there is a LOT of weeding out to do ... for every ten winks/messages recieved, I'd say there is only one worth responding to. And then, that person will soon enough prove themselves to be boring or something like that.

The problem with all of this activity is that I really enjoy my non activity time. My work day is fairly stressful with the new job and managing 20 people and having no idea what they do and they escalate everything and....

it's just a lot of anxiety.

So, to come home and watch some type of reality tv, enjoy my dinner, putz on gchat or read a book... well. I really love doing that. Especially after a vacation. And these dates were just cramping my style. So I decided to do the three and not go back online until January.

First date was with Wade who appeared much younger in person than in photos - but I could still see the resemblance so I wasn't so mad about that. He was very dull. I mean, don't get me wrong, I had no problem stirring up conversation but he was just... blah. OH! And, he admitted that one of his favorite movies is How to Lose a Girl in 10 Days. Now one of my dating questions is: So, what kind of movies do you like? I'm not a movie buff or anything, but pretty sure that is a weird movie for a 32 year old man to mention as a favorite during a first date.

Second date was with Patrick who appeared just as expected and was early (but, I was also late). He was funny and friendly and alluded to second date, but I was pleased when no text message game and didn't have to think of an excuse. I think both of us decided it was more friendly than romantic. He would be a good friend though because our conversation ended with discussing duck suicides at Niagra falls - I think that means he gets it.

Third date was with Justin who is 6'4 and was a few minutes late to the bar. But, we had great chat chat chatting for almost 4 hours. He even walked me all the way to my car, which was in the total opposite direction of his car. Texting occured and we went on a second date on Friday.

Pause.

I do not second date. I think there is something wrong with me, but I just don't do it. Why? Any number of reasons: he was short, he was weird, he liked the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, he blinks a lot, he wore cargo shorts, etc. However, there was no major red flag with Justin so second date occurred.

Play.

He was a perfect gentleman, opening doors picked up the check and offered me his arm to hold while walking. More great chat chat chatting and we visited three establishments. At the final stop of the night, we did the unthinkable. And because I know it is unacceptable, I'm going to put it out there and take the ridicule:

We sat on the same side of the booth/table.

I know, I know, I knowwwww. That is the WORST! Gag, barf - right!? But, I did sit on the same side as him and I feel like I need to admit to this totally out of character behavior and take appropriate actions to stop doing that. I mean, I knew this was bad, but I continue to be reminded after I admit the situation to multiple people and they all go: OH MY GOD. Are you kidddddddddding me!!??

Sigh. I did it. We have also chatted since then, and suspect a third date is likely after the holidays. I'm perfectly ok with this.

That takes us through Friday, and then on to Saturday, which was the girls celebration dinner! Emily and Jessica (Follower 82 and 83) are EXTREME planners and they, with the help of roommate Erin, planned a lovely reservation for 15 lovely ladies at St. Anne's. It was such a fun night! Now, I'm going to be modest and not tell you that we were the prettiest table in the whole damn restaurant or that we were definitely having the most fun in the restaurant or that you totally missed out on a phenom Christmas celebration, I'm just going to tell you the truth:

We were all dressed in our sparkles and holiday attire to celebrate Christmas and we drank a lot of wine. (Really, a lot). It was a really great holiday celebration and I'm very much looking forward to a New Years Eve celebration with some of these ladies!

Before we get to New Years, I'm off to Pittsburgh to celebrate Christmas! Things to look forward to: Rian's second visit to Pittsburgh, being Pete's date to his office party that he already told me is going to be terrible, the 3rd Annual Cousin's Night Out party, Miller Christmas, Pederson Christmas and hopefully, lots of shopping and baking!

So, before I get out of here, I need to set some follower business straight: I double counted cousin Ryan as follower 83. That is wrong. Follower 83 is Jessica (roommate of Follower 82, Emily) and was MOVED to follow after me asking her to do so in the last post. Jessica 2 is fabulous in the same fashion Emily is fabulous (they are "rooms") and Jess wins "prettiest" award from Saturday's dinner (she had GREAT hair)! I'm so happy Jessica is joining us as 83!

Pittsburgh Highlights

I am back in Dallas and it feels great! I'm not saying that to upset my Mother (which, if she's reading this, it probably will) but, it is so exhausting being away from your bed and your shower and your accessories and shoes! So, I'm back! In my bed, with my shampoo and my earrings and my pillows and it's just what I wanted.

So, you know I've been nonstop for ... 3??? weeks! I've been in Pittsburgh most of that time and then I had to go to our Boubonnais office which is south of Chicago. And then before that I was in Chattanooga and I think Phoenix. And... It's just been a very busy time of travel! But, thankfully, the only trip I have left this year is back to Pittsburgh for Christmas - and I can handle that.

So, Pittsburgh highlights:

1) The Flight. Success. Great book. Great tunes. 10pm arrival. All was right in the world! The book I was reading is called "All but for the" by Ali Smith and it's about a dinner guest's plus 1 that leaves the table and locks himself in a room in the house and communicates, occassionally, by sending a note under the door. It's very witty and made me chuckle, but I must confess, the end confused me. I would recommend it to a real reader and not a casual reader. I would not recommend purchasing it, just ask me and you can borrow it!

2) Thanksgiving. For whatever family reasons there are, we separated Thanksgiving this year between my Grandma and her sister's family. This is the first ever. Very disappointing because now that all of the cousins, for the most part, are drinking age and have been on their own a little bit.. the kid table is so fun! This year we missed cousin Patrick, who is definitely the wildcard. Either way, we had a great kids table dinner and Nanny made me a special chocolate pie for dessert since I hate all other Thanksgiving desserts. Imean, dessert is not dessert unless there is chocolate. So all those pies? YOU CAN SHOVE THEM UP YOUR BUTT!

3) The Office. Last year, you may recall, my family had two popular holiday sayings: HEY YOU, WOODCHUCK, QUIT CHUCKING MY WOOD! and CHRISTMAS IS RUINED. This year it is "AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT" to quote our favorite office character, Stanley. Well, ok, Stanley is not our favorite, Dwight is, but... we aren't quoting Dwight, are we? No dinner is complete without a long story and a suggestion for a better way to do something that ends with screaming out AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT. It's similar to tourettes, but on purpose, so actually, it is totally different.

4) The Grandparents, aka "the olds".  The olds moved in with my parents and I suppose some type of routine is being discovered in the house. I would say the highlights of the routine are: Wake up. Grandma doesn't feel well and Poppy needs breakfast. Take Grandma's blood pressure with the blood pressure tool in the living room. The blood pressure tool is actually a very fun exercise for the entire family and has been made into a game: who has the best blood pressure? Answer: Not my dad. Lots of watching TV. Ellen, The Stew, Bold and the Beautiful. If it's on ABC, they're watching it. Unless they press the wrong button on the remote, which they do (often) and then someone has to fix the color/channel/volume/power/caption/laungage/etc. Lunch. My grandma doesn't eat a lot so we push Ensure on her and my poppy says he doesn't want lunch but always eats cheese crackers or apple slices. The rest of the day is more TV. Sometimes my poppy takes a "walk" which is either circling the center of the house three times or walking down the driveway and back up to the house. He uses a cane, but "use" isn't the right word since all he does is drag it behind him. More TV. More on/off TV troubleshooting. Dinner. Grandma never wants anything for dinner but we have to make her eat something which she usually makes faces about and makes the entire process exhausting. Poppy is a good eater and cleans his plate. Grandma does not like AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT said at the dinner table, she shakes her head. Poppy laughs. He gets it. He's funny. After dinner is ice cream time. The olds LOVE ice cream. It is the only thing my grandma eats without complaining. And if grandma gets it, poppy gets it too. And since I'm scooping the ice cream... well.. ok, I'll just have a scoop or two also. The other fun part of the day is answer the same questions for my grandma. The big question is "What do you want for Christmas?" and I say "Diamonds. Big ones. 3 karats for my ears." This leads into a discussion about if I deserve them (apparently not) and that she might get herself some diamonds (not going to happen because she lost the last diamonds). And then there is a pause and she says "What do you want for Christmas?" And the second time she asks I'll usually say "I want $10 more than you are giving to Matt". And then the next time she says "What do you want for Christmas?" I say "Diamonds". And that goes on ALL. DAY. LONG. It's Groundhog Hour. And I'mnot getting any diamonds.

5) The Times. The Times were had a few nights. I went to a 90s Party with Peter and it was really so funny because, in addition to 90's attire like starter jackets, they had put beanie babies EVERYWHERE, huggies, kool-aid squeezers and gushers. Top notch. I do love seeing Peter when I'm in Pittsburgh but hate when he doesn't shave his face. Which he didn't. Which I suggested he should. Which he didn't. I went out with Sister Allie and Brother Matt on Wednesday and SOME STRANGER TUGGED MY HAIR AND SAID "Is this natural?" To which I said "It's natural, and it's amazing." To which he said "Don't get a big head" To which I SHOULD have said "Don't get a big nose... oh... wait.." but I actually said "It's not ego, it's a fact" and then that was that. He had a giant nose, really. And then On Friday I went out with my Dad and Brother Matt and Cousin Patrick to the Southside and saw MK, fiance Tom, Kolan and Gio. Within 30 minutes of getting there, Cousin Patrick, who had been drinking vodka since 2pm, was kicked out of the bar and we had to leave. But, we got primatis which, I consider a successful night.

6) Online Dating. I'm doing it, and I've had three dates. That will be my next update!

online dating

Great news, humes! I'm online dating. I haven't decided how much I'm going to share with you.... actually, who am I kidding? I have no boundaries.


Here's the deal - I have a SIX month subscription to match.com. Yes. This is serious. I figure if I spend the rest of the year practicing my online "winking" and messaging, I'll be good to go by January. Why is January such an important month? Because I expect everyone to go home for the holidays and their family will ask them all kinds of annoying things like "Are you dating anyone? No.. oh.." and "Oh, so and so is engaged" or "So and so is expecting twins!" and everyone will feel just AWFUL about themselves. And they will say: "That is it! Effective January 1st I am changing my life and I'm doing it with online dating!!!"


And there I'll be.


Waiting.


With a wink. Or something. I haven't quite figured it all out yet.


Here's what I do know:


1) Filters are amazing. Now that I've set email filters, old men can no longer email me. I was getting way too many "Heyyyy purty lady" from 50 somethings in nowhere Texas. Really weird. Now, that is gone. Phew!


2) Most people did not complete grade school. I mean, why else would you still say "u" for "you", "aiiight" for "alright" or "2" for "to" if you knew any grammar at all??


3) Messages don't really creep me out, but they do make me feel sad for the sender. Not sad enough to sympathy date, but sad enough to feel bad for them.


4) Match says NO for you! You just click the "no thanks" button and it sends this generic email that says "Sorry, I don't think we are a good fit. Good luck!" and that is that!


Here are some of the messages I've received:


Ding Ding Ding!! And the winner is "You".. Please email to collect your prize. "Me"... Making you laugh & smile is in my DNA :) Let's see if I can pull you off this thing?


Gag. Ser.


Heard you were looking for me! Lol. Lame line, sorry. Just wanted to say hello.


Regardless of this being a capital-L LAME line, have a little confidence, gosh. 


are you a steeler fan? Do you like regulard Coca Cola?


Regulard? REALLY!?


Hi, Im Ryan. This daily matches thing says we have the same birth month. What day is your birthday? Mine is June 12th. Well, read your profile and wanted to say hi.


Birthday month? Maybe you should try a lame line...


I read your profile 
and thought we might be a good match. 
I am fairly neat, loving animal, laid back 
enjoy life... 
I am not here for game, but a start of a serious relationship 
if you want to get to know each other better 
prehaps we can spend a little time together over a dinner or lunch. 


Now, you know my feelings on minorities, and the email above is clearly from an ESL student. However, match.com has helped me decide that on my list of priorities grammar comes before ethnicity. 


More to come!

Be responsible, folks!

The past few days have been a whirlwind. I think I love traveling, but I hate the exhausted feeling I have once I finally get to sit down and think about everything! I'm taking sleep very seriously when I am in my bed. But now I'm filled with constant anxiety that the fire alarm is going to go off. WHY? Well, I'll tell you: the fire alarm went off the other week and I've decided I'm traumatized by it.

See, what had happened was I was sleeping. I don't know what cycle of sleep I was in, but I start dreaming this demonic voice. And I'm slowly stirring and when I finally get my eyes open and I can process things I see Roommate Erin in my room. She TOTALLY SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME and I scream. And she screams back. And then she says "We need to go!".

How does Roommate Erin know we need to go? Well, our apartment building has THE. LOUDEST. emergency talking alarm thing. The woman who delivers the message does so with an irritating beep that pierces your ears. She says things like: THIS. IS. AN. EMERGENCY. PLEASE. EVACUATE. THE. BUILDING. IF YOU ARE DISABLED, FOLLOW YOUR DISABLED EVACUATION PLAN. THIS. IS AN. EMERGENCY. etc. The voice is terrifying because you cannot think about anything. Which makes it hard to leave the house.

Anyway, Roommate Erin (so level headed) says "I'm going to check if other people are leaving."

Pause: Our building has a poor history of the fire alarm sounding for NO reason. This is the 3rd time I've been woken up by the alarm, but the first time the alarm has happened at night time.

While Erin checks the door, I struggle to find a sweatshirt to go outside (totally forgetting it's 60 degrees out). I then hear Erin scream: MEGAN! WE. HAVE. TO. GO. THERE IS SMOKE!

So now the fire is real! Erin and I TAKE OFF like MANIACS running down the stairs.She's holding her shoes and sans glasses, and I'm still not really awake and thinking that I'm so glad I have renter's insurance. There is total chaos outside. People are out in their pj's, dogs are fighting, police and fire trucks are arriving and the entire situation seems very serious, except for the fact that we are all standing right next to the building so there must not be a fire.

Annoying.

After 45 minutes we are allowed back upstairs and our floor definitely smells like smoke. So I know we weren't crazy. When we get in the apartment it occurs to me we did not lock our doors and this makes me slightly panicked. Ok, really panicked. I check all closets, showers and the balcony to look for an intruder. I'm certain this would have been a perfect opportunity for them to break in and kill us in the night. Thankfully, no intruder was found.

My adrenaline was really going crazy with the loud noises, the dog fight and the hypothetical intruder that I could hardly fall back to sleep. The next morning was rough.

The next afternoon all residents received an email titled "Fire Alarm" which thanked us for exiting the building so quickly and efficiently (they must have seen me and Erin running for our lives) and then provided some helpful "hints" for apartment living. My favorite was: A responsible adult should monitor the kitchen at all times when cooking to prevent food from burning.  


Someone on the 4th floor is clearly irresponsible. Not I. Or Erin.


Uh! That was exhausting reliving that terrible alarm. I'll blog about Wurstfest and Chattanooga later this week!

Baby Rain!

Here I am! Just a few short days after my last post! Could I be back on a roll???

We'll discuss posting regularities later - let's focus on my adorable nephew first:

Isn't he the sweetest thing in the entire world?? He just turned 1 in Septemeber and I got to spend a day with him, Brother Adam and my Mother when I was in Pittsburgh. We went to the Olive Garden. And Target. We laughed and made coo-ing noises and probably annoyed other tables. Did I care one bit? Nope. He really was the cutest thing in that silly restaurant! We were totally oblivious to everyone else in that restaurant and did everything I scowled at when I was a waitress. We made sure the waitress knew she was interrupting us when she asked if we needed anything. We let him throw everything on the floor, and then left it there. I know these are sins as a former waitress, but I don't care one bit. I was just having the times with this sweet little button who, remarkably, can use a cell phone.

He was playing with the cell phone and my mom called it so it would vibrate and ring and he managed to 1) deny the call and 2) send an auto text that said "I'm in a meeting" back to my mother. Handsome and smart? Oh lord.

Ok, so I know gushing about a baby is the most annoying thing ever - especially when no matter what you say I will never believe there is a cuter one out there. But, I just want to show off those beautiful blue eyes and that smile that I can't wait to see again in November!

Great, breaking news: 3 new followers!

79: Cousin Ryan Miller! Cousin Ryan and Wife Jaci are going to be parents any day now, so cousin Ryan is probably not going to be reading this ever again. But that's ok.

80: LeBlanc is also known as Friend Jeffrey who lived with me and Erin for a week. He was a wonderful house guest and paid compliments when they were wanted (for example, my homemade strawberry champagne cupcakes). He also did not complain about the fact that I set 3 alarms (all of which you can hear in the living room) and snooze them for 30 minutes.

81: Emily! Emily is so southern (and pretty) and she a ran over a raccoon once when I was in her car! And she is such a great friend in Dallas, and now that she's following I expect her to get the also so great Jess to be my 82nd follower!

Who will be 83 then??

Nature

Let me tell you something: Phoenix is LOVELY in October!

I got to go to Phoenix two weekends ago for work. It was sunny and a cool 95. And I was just loving life and that temperature. October in Phoenix is why people move there. They think "Oh my gosh, this is AMAZING! And the cost of living? WOW! I should move here!". And then they move there. And they LOVE LIFE until July, August and September. And they think "Oh my gosh, this is AWFUL AND I WANT TO DIE!" because the heat is so (SO!) terrible. I don't care that everyone goes "it's a dry heat". Yea, yea, yea. My oven is a dry heat and you don't see me hanging out in there - do you?

Either way, I loved being in Phoenix! And, because I had to be there at the end of one week and the beginning of the next, me and friend (and peer) Priyanka stayed through the weekend with three other people that are in our program: Chris, Karina and Dave. Karina is the only one that reads my blog, but I'm going to tell you about all of them.

Chris: Chris is my favorite person in my program. That is all.

Dave: Dave is my least favorite person. That is all.

Karina: Karina is so funny I can't stand it. She's going to be blogging soon and I can't wait to share that post with you. We're also both going to do match.com (more on that later). Anyway, if you're ever in Phoenix (or if you know a tall, dark, single, Trinidad-ian (is that right, Karina?)... send him her way!)

So, we stayed with them and on Saturday we went to Sedona and stayed in Flagstaff on Saturday night. And then on Sunday we went to the Grand Canyon and then on Monday morning me and Priyanka were at work bright and early!

Let's talk trip details:

*The Ford Fiesta: WORST. CAR. EVER. Worst car ever ESPECIALLY for a 4 person (Chris, my favorite, did not come) road trip. I mean, our knees were in our chins. We could not pass other cars. When I accelerated to 45mphs the car hit 5000RPMS!! Stupid Fiesta. Don't ever get one.

*Team Front Seat/Team Back Seat: The majority of the trip was divided into two teams: Front Seat/Back Seat. Me and Karina were team Front Seat and Dave/Priyanka were team Back Seat. Karina and I get along very well and Dave irritates both of us so it was nice to put him out of sight and just laugh and sing and drive the stupid Fiesta.

*Sedona: Beautiful! Really and truly breathaking and I don't say that about too much scenery (I hate nature). We saw the Chapel in the side of the rock mountain thing (I'm no good at details) and we went to some of the touristy shops and we got touristy ice cream - WHICH - they were out of CHOCOLATE AND VANILA! I mean, really? Stupid ice cream store - you should ALWAYS have the basics. Come on.

*Pink Jeep Tour: We did a PJT in Sedona and it was SO. MUCH. FUN! That is the kind of nature I like! We were bouncing around and hitting 25 mphs and going up and down rocks. And our tour guide, Mr. Alan, for the most part put up with us even if he didn't tell us all kinds of stories or find us a rattlesnake. Mr. Alan has no patience and his wife tells him so and he's sorry he didn't wait for us to look at the camera for our picture but it's time to get back in the Jeep! God, Mr. Alan.

*Flagstaff: We stayed in Flagstaff on Saturday night and that was great. We found an Italian BYOB restaurant convienently located next to a wine store and we enjoyed a sampler of a bunch of things at the table. It was a nice dinner with the Adele record (yes! record!) playing in the background and a good wind-down from the day. I was sleeping by 9pm and it was incredible.

*Drive to Grand Canyon: When we woke up the next morning for a 8am departure to the GC, I almost forgot how much I hated the Ford Fiesta. Well, guess what? I still HATED THE FORD FIESTA ON SUNDAY! But, we saw AWESOME roadkill on the drive to the GC including an elk (or maybe a moose? What's the difference)!!! OMG! The roadkill was HUGE! Really, SO big.

*Grand Canyon: We had lovely weather for the GC. I've heard horror stories of people getting there and it being cold and foggy and you can't see anything! Well - we could see everything! There were so many tourists too! And we really enjoyed the view and I was having so much fun!.... for 25 minutes. See, the problem with the GC is that all it is is ROCK. There is only SO MUCH ROCK I CAN LOOK AT! But they said "no, no, you have to see it from another angle". And I said "Ok". But from the other angle it was still rock and by the end of the three hour adventure I was maxxed out on rock. But, I can check it off my list!

And, that my friends, was the Grand Canyon! Next up: a weekend in Pittsburgh and meeting my nephew!

Jambalaya is so good!

I'm blogging from a hotel room in Phoenix. And I had Chinese delivered to me for dinner. I feel really weird about the entire situation, but I don't have a rental and it was the takeout menu on top. Dinner came with a 32 oz DC, and that makes me feel better. I cannot figure out how to work this TV and now I'm stuck on Wheel of Fortune. My life is not what I want it to be. I'll tell you what I SHOULD have done - I should have said hello two the two handsome men in the elevator with me that had some type of foreign accent. I could have said *smile* "Where are y'all from?" *smile*. (That is me being charming.)

BUT! I didn't. The SuperShuttle had me a bit flustered since it took way too long and the man was 90 and drove 25 mph, including turns in front of traffic. He also asked me if I was married, to which I said no, and then he asked me if I wanted to get married. My first proposal. On an Arizona highway. In a big blue van. To a 90 year old. I politley declined.



Anway, so I'm here in this Chinese smelling hotel room and I wanted to blog becuase I realized I haven't told you about my last 2 weekends! And I wanted to tell you now because I have two more exciting weekends coming up!

Two weekends ago me and Erin went to Houston. We visited her Brother Matt and I also visited Matt McCowan and Girlfriend Ashley. The best part of the trip was seeing Estrada who wants to be an umpire when he grows up and was practicing his strike calls at the bar. He might be the funniest person I know. I don't even know what we did all weekend! Erin made pizza, we visted a few establishments, we watched the Steelers LOSE! God. That was sad. It was me and one other lone ranger cheering for the Steelers at brunch and it was a sad, sad loss. The bonus of the day was our waitor did not charge us for our bottomless mimosas which we had a lot of. It's hard to say exactly how many we had because he kept taking the glass away and giving you a new one - even if you weren't done. I had lots of halfsies and only one full one that I was allowed to keep because I was holding on to the stem of the glass. Regardless! Free mimosas taste great!



Last weekend me and Kelly took work off on Friday and went to visit Erin in her hometown of Ethel, outside of Baton Rouge. O-m-g. Her house is beautiful and her family is so fun! They had an unreal amount of food, which included a pizza cookoff between mom and daughter. (There is a lot of pizza in my life lately). I voted Team Mom, most especially because she made tomato basil soup from scratch and it was amazing. Seriously - amazing. I got the recipie and we made plans to make it for my next boyfriend (HA) with a fancy grilled cheese sandwich. Lots of laughing over dinner!



Jambalaya in a cooler - YUM!




The next morning was huge excitement because that was the kickoff of the "Who is more Southern" competition between me and Kelly. The night prior Kelly was pretty confident that I was going to lose because of my sassy tude, but I was confident that my big curls and boots would give me a leg up. We tailgated ALL DAY at LSU and even got tickets to the game!! The day was so fun! I was mostly controlling my sass and was not being assigned any negative points in the Southern competition. I EVEN tried: jambalya, boudin and gator! The jambalaya was SO good and I said this to Erin and her mom. They took one look at the container and said "It's a mix.". Mix or scratch - I enjoyed it big time. We also got these beverages called Rednecks which are 32 oz frozen jack and cokes = amazing tailgating beverage, great for walking and sipping.



Gator - not so yum!



The day was a total success and no one would give me bonus Southern points but they did give me Texan points. Which, apparently, are different. And I guess I should know that now that I live in Texas: Texas is not the South. Texas is not the West. Texas is Texas.



Southern Belles with our Rednecks



I did lose 4,500 points when this guy that was OBSESSED with my height kept talking and talking and talking about how tall I was and did I play volleyball and blah blah blah. Now, don't get me wrong- I love being tall. But I did not (and do not) want to spend 15 minutes talking about it. So, I said to him, "Do people talk to you a lot about how short you are?" To which he responded nothing. So I kept going "Because if you want to talk about my height so much, maybe we should talk about yours?". Then, because I am in the South, he tried to apologize to me instead of calling me a total B like anyone else would have done, That made me feel a little bit bad, but I was over it. I retold the story to Kelly, and that is when we determined the negative 4,500 points which, I think, made me lose the game.

We ended up sleeping at Sister Mollie's place by campus (which, PS, they keep a tiger on campus!). Kelly and I had to sleep in our clothes which included jeggings that were dirty from the day. When we woke up, we decided that Southern girls wear dresses to tailgates so they can sleep out and be comfortable. Next LSU game, I think you'll see both of us in dresses.

So, that was that! Except, the 8 hour car ride back to Dallas with Kelly in which we prayed for a Taco Bueno, but never found one. I think that is how I also know I'm Texan: I crave fast food tacos. We were also sans iPod and iPhone so Kelly had to listen to my unmarked mixed and soundtrack CDs. Things started off promising with Myriah Carey, but quickly went downhill when Love Mix #2 was picked - the worst of all the love mixes. Anyway, lots of laughing occurred the entire way home and I give Kelly 4,500 points for being a great car trip partner!

Now I'm in Phoenix for work. I'm here with Priyanka who is friend AND peer at work so we're staying through the weekend with other friends that live here and plan on making a trip to Sedona and the Grand Canyon. I am unsure yet if I need to wear tennis shoes to this event, and also, if the 99 degree weather wil be uncomfortable or not. EITHER WAY! I am charging my camera (something I haven't done in years) and effective immediately, I'm going to start taking pictures. And uploading. Prom. (Abbreve for promise.)

Autumn in Dallas

I don't know if I appreciated Autumn in Dallas last year or not. It may have something to do with the nonstop 100 plus degrees days this summer, but I can't be sure. Anyway, this weather is BEAUTIFUL right now. I wake up and it's 65, I enjoy lunch outside and it's 80, I walk to the car after work and it's 90.  I'm in love with Texas in October!

Since it's fall, I'm going to make my first batch of chili sans seasoning packet. All from scratch (except, the canned, diced tomatoes).  I included a splash (or two) of Shiner and I'm simmering all night. I cannot wait! The apartment smells so tasty!

In other news, they are driving me crazy at work. I think they are doing it intentionally because they know next week I will have to have other priorities. So, on top of them squeezing everything out of me, we had a repeat project that I usually have two weeks to complete, but this time around I only have one week. It's a lot, but nothing I can't handle (obviously). However, the rest of them cannot handle this intense pace and have taken to asking me if I've had my rabies shot. THEY SAID THAT TO ME! They also snapped a photo of me while I was bossing one of the ladies around and telling her I was going to throw all of her things away if they were left behind. I was very serious about throwing crap away that they didn't think was important enough to move within 8 hours, but apparently some people thought I should be concerned about the possibilities of "family heirlooms" being thrown away. Whatever. I don't care and I was just doing my thing - getting stuff done! Well, they snapped this picture and then sent it to my manager and peer with the title "Watch out... she's in a mood!". Do I think this is rude? No. My reply "Nothing is safe. Watch your back."

They'll miss me so much. Just wait.

While I was looking for that work picture, I found this gem from a wedding I was in... however many moons ago it was. Are you embarrassed for him? I was wearing flats. Also, there were other groomsmen who were over 6' feet tall. Worst. Matching. Ever. Poor guy. He was a good sport about the entire awkward situation - we even did a slow dance together! Allison: Please note, for your June wedding, that I'm so excited for, I would appreciate a date that was about my height. Within a 3 inch range. Please. Don't make me post another awkward picture next June. Please!!!

Back in action!

I have SO MUCH to blog about!!!

For starters, I got a NEW job!!! A promotion, per se. And, I'm only saying "per se" there to sound coy, even though that is not really a coy sentence and I'm not really a coy person. But anyway, new job starts 10/10 and I have to do some job share with my existing job so I will have a very busy 4th quarter. But, I cannot say how TICKLED (yes, I'm using the word tickled) I am to start this new job! I'm doing big things, humes (abbreve for humans). BIG! Speaking of big....

When I went to visit the office where my new manager is, I parked next to a big-ass-Texas truck with an AWESOME monster on the side. Scary.


But, the BIG things won't start until the 10th. And this week all of the supervisors and directors and people that create work for me are out of the office, so I've stumbled into some free time, which I am using to be productive and get some things off the back burner. The most important item is deleting emails. My favorite thing to do is to delete my deleted items and yesterday I purged 1,500 emails! Do you know what a relief that is? If you haven't permanently deleted an email lately- DO IT! It's AMAZING! My inbox is at 71. My inbox has not been at 71 for AGES! I'm so happy about that. Today I deleted my "sent" emails. There were 3,000 emails in there. 3,000!!!! WHO NEEDS TO SAVE THOSE EMAILS? Consider them purged. I feel so LIGHT!

Sans stach, thank you very much.

What else is going on? I got my eyebrows waxed today. I know, who cares? Well, let me tell you why I care. I go to these Asian salons (xoxo Asia) and these women in their broken English ask me what I want and I point to my eyebrows and I saw "Wax. Clean up.". If they say anything else I don't really understand I just look at them and smile. Well, today they said "Lip too?" BITCH! NO I DON'T WANT MY LIP WAXED BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A MUSTACHE! That is, I feel, the most offensive thing someone can ask in a salon. I don't know if she is IMPLYING I have a mustache, but I do not. And to prove it, there's a picture of my upper lip that is not flattering of my nose (but I am confident with the size of my nose, so I'm posting that picture anyway.)

Disclaimer: If you think I need to wax my upper lip, TELL ME. Don't let me walk around with a stache! But those salons are just trying to STEAL MY MONEY. No tip for them.

The other thing I wanted to tell you about was me. (Duh). Last week, or something, friend Natalie (TNCLFM) sent an email talking about a great hair day and the fact that a stranger on the street complimented her. She ended this email with "I felt like Megan". This made me think: Doesn't everyone get compliments from strangers on their gorgeous manes? Apparently not. For all of my readers (following and not), you know how great my hair is. I've only received one comment that made me cry, but now that Jarrod thinks that it was his insult and uses it all the time... I'm immune to it. And, the number of compliments I receive from strangers far outweighs the recurring insult Jarrod likes to toss my way, on a regular basis, for no reason.

So, my count for hair comments is 1 mean, thousands of nice and 2 weird comments. Let me tell you about the two weird comments. The first one was an Asian (if I was guessing, I'd say he was Chinese) man in NYC that sniffed my hair at the bar and was caught doing it (creep). And then last weekend at the bar this man in cargo shorts (gross!) pet my hair. Pet it. Like I was a dog. Twice. PET MY HEAD AND TOUCHED MY HAIR! That was really weird. But, I think both "weirds" count toward the thousand of nice compliments (if you subtract the creepy).

What I'm saying to you is, I've been really busy lately emailing and preparing for my new job and combing my hair. BUT! It doesn't stop there! I made these strawberry champagne cupcakes with a new whipped frosting last weekend. I made them for someone's birthday at work, but I REALLY made them for all the compliments. I love watching people enjoy my delectable desserts and giving me so many compliments on how great my tasty treats are. Don't they look beautiful!!?? You want one.

double rice

Friend Leigh just started blogging and you should check it out here: ellefoster.blogspot.com

You shouldn't follow it, unless you are already following my blog. If she gets more than 50 followers I plan on removing this post to prevent her from getting more followers than me.

Anyway, Leigh is blogging under the guide of less than 250 words a day and she has pretty much stuck with that... except weekends and last Friday. Today's blog was about Spanish or Mexican food (I'm truly unsure of the difference) and I thought this was very timely for MY life. See - I love Mexican rice. I hate the beans so I always get double rice when I'm out to eat and I love every bite of it. Last night I was thinking of the taste of Mexican rice in my mouth so much so that I, out loud, wished for a Spanish/Mexican friend who would make me their abuela's special recipe for rice!

Then I thought about all my Asian friends and how useless they are for fried rice and completely dismissed that thought about the Spanish/Mexican.

Although Leigh has a culinary background, she is also useless when it comes to fried rice because she buys long grain rice and... WHO has the patience to wait for that to cook?

Coffee date

I went on a date last night.

Tequila Megan set up this date and I pretty much knew nothing about him except he called, ON THE PHONE, to ask me to meet him. Not a lot of guys call on the phone so I thought he might actually be a nice guy. I paid no mind to the fact that I had absolutely no idea what he looked like or what he did or ANYTHING.

Things only got worse from there.

He asked me to get COFFEE. Lame. Yellow flag. I mean, don't all young, working professional  NEED a glass of wine or beer sometimes??! But I agreed. Then he asked me to meet him in Highland Park Village. Red flag. This is where a lot of STUDENTS live. I know immediately in my gut he does not have a job and has to be younger than me: BARF.

I get to the Starbucks and immediately have a bad feeling about everything. He shows himself and taps me on the shoulder. I should have said "Sorry, I don't know you" right there. Right then. But I didn't. I saw the funny story potential and said "Oh Hey!". (Presentation Megan).

This boy (22) was wearing (I swear to GOD): dirty Adidas sneakers and high white sweat socks (mid calf). I could see his socks because he was wearing my most hated article of male clothing: the khaki cargo short. Pause.

Gentlemen: WHAT DO YOU PUT IN THOSE POCKETS? There is no need for that. THEY ARE TERRIBLE. DO NOT WEAR THEM.

Play. He was also wearing a faded from age and not from style red tshirt to top off his number one ensemble for this Thursday evening.

The conversation was so awkward, but the highlights are:

1) He's living at home with his parents
2) He has a degree in neuroscience
3) He was an EMT but does not want to be a doctor
4) He is training for the Navy Seals
4A) He can hold his breath for 30 meters underwater
5) He works at Eatzi's and makes $9/hour
6) He wanted to know if I smoke pot and drink a lot

and, the exchanged that ended the date after 25 minutes:

me: So besides training for the Navy Seals and working at Eatzis, what else do you like to do?
him: I like going out and picking up chicks like you.
me: Well, I've got to go. Have a good night!

Traveling!

Wow! So my last post was over a month ago. I know, I'm terrible.

This blog is dedicated to friend Jonathan (Follower 49): Jonathan thank you for gchating me these past 4 weeks, even if I never responded.

1) Phoenix. I went there. It was HOT. 117 hot. That is really, really hot. I will no longer complain about 104 in Dallas. Which... I won't have to since we are enjoying a lovely mid 80s week. Phoenix was so much work, but lots of fun because we had a bunch of people travel in to assist. I love putting a face to the name and having so many chat chat chatting sessions with people that I usually wouldn't have over the phone. I am definitely the youngest in the group and was carded when I ordered a glass of wine at dinner. Oh boy did my coworkers loveeee that. God.

2) Pittsburgh. I went there too! It was my mom's surprise 50th so I came in for the event. All you need to know about the surprise was that she was on to us. All you need to know about the party is that we had the BEST CAKE EVER!

Total Diva.

The cake was SOOO legit, it had condensation on it! And - it was DELICIOUS too!

My grandparents moved in with my parents and now sleep in what was formerly known as my room. Brother Adam was also home for the surprise event. This is 4 bonus bodies in the home for the weekend which means Sister Allie had to share her bed with me Friday night. She was UNHAPPY about this! She also woke me up at 7:30 in the morning. The next night my Mother put me in the attic to sleep. It isn't actually as bad as it sounds, but all of the old furniture from the room formerly known as my room is up there with all of the older furniture from other rooms formerly known as something else. As soon as the lights went out I was basically stranded because there was no clear path to the light switch and also there was no clear path to anywhere.

3) Connecticut. I went there. I graduated my program for work! Woohoo! Diploma city! We had a not good dinner at a restaurant called Dish in Hartford and we worked on a group project. Neato!

4) Philadelphia. I went there. Got to have great driving situation with Kim and Drew from CT down to Phila. So much chat chat chatting!! Had a great family dinner with Doylestown Millers and watched the Philadelphia news: Terrible. Death, Murder, Thieves. Hide your kids.

5) Across the stat of PA: I traveled it. With my Father. He was a great driver from Philadelphia to Pittsburgh. Less chat chat chatting and more sleeping happened on this car ride. I was such a tired girl.

6) More Pittsburgh. So much rain. Lots of shopping. And, I was moved to the living room couch for sleeping. Please cross your fingers that home improvements continue to go as planned and I have a bed to sleep in at Thanksgiving!!!

Now, on to the future: I'm going back to Pittsburgh tomorrow. And since I am doing that, I am going to go to Happy Valley for the Bama game! I cannot wait!!

twitstake

Alright, so Twitter Day 2 has been an adventure in learning.

I was on this really long conference call and I was doing a great job at not paying attention and I was trying to get Twitter on my phone and I did and it has this great feature "see who you can follow through your contact list" or something. And I thought "SO GREAT!". So my phone does this scan or something and comes back with this ginormous list of people I can follow based on everything my smartphone knows.

My smartphone knows a lot more than I do. It remembers things from gmail and saves them. It steals people's phone number from Facebook (which, why does anyone put their number on Facebook?). It knows so many things! I was not surprised at this long list of people I could follow.

But the entire purpose of my tweeting is to link to my blog and I just can't have all these non-randoms but randoms following my blog. (I mean, that is bound to get me in trouble.) I selectively went through the list and picked the ones I wanted to follow and I hit "done". And then it decided to undo all of my hard work and follow everyone.

Everyone.

People from work who should't see my tweets ever? Following.
Allie Gabriel, avid runner? Following. (#ironic)

I couldn't get home from work fast enough to frantically unfollow everyone. I have no idea what I'm doing.

@Twitter

I was going to write this post only about Twitter because I'm going to start using my account. I got the Twitter account way way long ago (I think at Blue/White game where we talked a lot about Smerrit's weenus), but haven't used it. I have a hard time learning new things. The one thing that really confused me was the use of the #, which they (tweeters) call a "hashtag" but I call a pound sign.

This is annoying to me because I first can't get past hash versus pound and then I'm really not sure when you # something. Can I say "#salt"? Is that me referencing salt or telling someone to piss off? I don't know.

And then there is Google+. I can't figure out how to find my friends. The tricky one was Roommate Michelle - there are a lot of MR's out there and I just wasn't sure how I knew I was picking the right one. It was very overwhelming and I think I will only learn one new thing this week: Twitter. God. Why is all of this internet crap so complicated??

Anyway, this got me to thinking about Facebook which is not so complicated but part of "all of this internet crap".  I am on a defriending spree like CRAZY! Its occured to me that I don't know who some of these people are that are polluting my wall with stupid links and youtube videos and farmville updates. Here are my rules of defriending:

1) If you have ever posted a Farmville update, you are defriended.  (The only exception is Brother Adam, but only because we are related by blood.)

2) If you have a group profile photo and I'm not sure which one in the group you are, you are defriended.

3) If I don't remember where I met you, it probably means I haven't reseen you and, you are defriended.

4) If you are someone I didn't even like to begin with, you are defriended.

I think those are pretty simple guidelines to defriending. And now that I'm loving the defriending, I guess I have to understand being defriened.

I know of two people that have defriended me: Roommate Idiot Alex and Allie Gabriel. Allie Gabriel, fine - I probably wouldn't have noticed except someone told me she was engaged or something and I wanted to investigate. And couldn't. She just posted about running anyway, so that's ok. And then there is Roommate Idiot Alex. I was really upset thinking: WHO DOES ROOMMATE IDIOT ALEX THINK HE IS DEFRIENDING ME? I AM INTERESTING ON FACEBOOK! But, you know what, he wasn't interesting in person or on Facebook. Since we obviously don't have the same interests (me) the friendship virtually or in person probably didn't have a future. So, that one is ok too.

When people I defriend eventually figure it out (and they will, because I am interesting on Facebook and they will look for me... eventually.)- I hope they think "Oh, ok".

Although, I wouldn't mind if they cried a little bit first.

Oh,  but do whatever you do on Twitter to me: @abitcattywampus

PS: This is a really funny video about a hungry dog that makes me laugh. A lot.

The Best Belated Birthday Present... Ever.

Now, before I go any further, I want all of my followers to know that prior to my birthday I loved you all the same. But, something has changed. It has rocked my heart and I now have a top three followers. That delivered the best, laugh-out-loud, totally unexpected, completely unbelievable, belated birthday present I could ever ask for and would never have expected to you.


I received this email July 9th:


Dear Megan,

As your most loyal followers nan, greg and I have personally made it our mission to aid you in getting to 100 followers. We have been waiting to show you our latest campaign until the most opportune time, and after hearing your whisper voice at work, we decided it was now. So I present to you: Abitflattywampus- The Adventures of Flat Megan. Enjoy!


--
Conor William Daly
The Pennsylvania State University


You're thinking one of three things right now:
1) Megan has a whisper voice?
2) Didn't Cone graduate already?
3) OMG What is abitflattywampus and how can I meet her!?!


My responses to those three things:


1) Yes, I have a whisper voice. It's called Presentation Megan's normal voice. And it's also a little bit of a confused voice. Imagine you're me and you're sitting at work and you get a call on your office line with nonstop laughing and you don't know who it is and then you realize it's Nan and Cone from Southeast Asia calling to wish you a happy birthday after calling the general intake number for my building? Whisper voice HAD to occur so I didn't draw attention to myself and way too much giggling for 2pm.


2) Yes, Conor did graduate from college. But apparently he still has not entered real life since he can take a "sabbatical" from "work" to go backpacking through Southeast Asia. It's not real life.


3) Right now. Enjoy!

Flatty hanging with a shih tzu puppy!

Flatty exploring the wild!

Flatty and Naked Nan!

Flatty in evening wear for a great tuna dinner!

Just horsing around with a tiger!

Wore him out! Sleepy tiger!

So now you are thinking a LOT of things. I've pulled together a general FAQ for your reading pleasure:

Q: Abitflattywampus is AMAZING!

A: That wasn't a question, but, yes, you are right.

Q: Where did Flatty get such an amazing bod?

A: Flatty eats a lot of protein and lifts weights. She plays with tigers.

Q: Are... um... have.. has.. did she get a boob job?

A: Flatty has no comment.

Q: How did Flatty get to Asia?

A: In a carry-on bag, stored in an overhead compartment.

Q: Why isn't Nan wearing any clothes?

A: Nan is so wild and she does what she wants.

Q: I saw the swimsuit and evening wear - are there more outfit changes?

A: Flatty doesn't work, she just travels the world, so any additional outfit changes would have to be gifted to her.

Q: How do I get my own Flatty to tour around town?

A: We'll need to pester GHyde to release the jpeg for all my followers viewing pleasures.

*On the "All My Followers" page, Greg, Conor & Nan will all receive a * next to their name to indicate favorite status.

Experiencing the Jersey Shore

I'm skipping the middle of my vacation because it was just fun work stuff. I picked out every cute boy at the seminar and then found out all about all of their girlfriends. I can, with out fail, pick the most expensive thing in the store & always pick the cutest boy with a girlfriend. (Although, Mom Loveless says "girlfriends are replaceable").

Anyway, work work work and then me and Kim (and Dave - but who cares) get on the bus back to Philadelphia. From Connecticut. At rush hour. It was the worst bus drive of my life! First off, I had to sit next to a smelly Indian who probably has never brushed his teeth. I tried to be friendly and ask him about the book he was reading, but it was hard to listen and hold my breath. So I continued to talk to Kim (and Dave - but who cares) for the rest of the thousand hour bus drive.

Ok, the bus ride wasn't one thousand hours, but it was probably 6 or 7. That is a LONG bus ride after your day started with a work breakfast at 7:30AM. Kim and I grab Chipotle for dinner and head to her apartment to grab my stuff and then she takes to me friend Healy's house (PJH). I throw on a quick dress and me, PJH, Natalie and Jarrod go to some bar that is totally bumping for a Wednesday night and meet up with friends Chris, Liz, Kiley, Anne and Rosie. (I hope no one else was there, because I've forgotten them.) Rosie showed me an inappropriate picture of Chris Brown, Kiley sang Man in the Mirror with a mom we named Patty or Brenda or something and then we went to a drag show in a basement. The night was a lot of fun.

And then came Jersey. I got to ride in Car Jarrod/PJH. PJH provided directions to Jarrod which consisted of "turn there" or "go that way" which are very difficult directions to understand. I don't even know if we listened to music on the way down! We definitely did not have the windows down though. Oh, and we (I) ate ChexMix. Yes- I needed a snack AND a DC for the 90 minute drive.

Anyway, we get to SIC and all of a sudden everyone starts giving me the rules of the house. The rules were pretty obvious to any grown adult. But it was the way that they were delivered that scared me and made me a little nervous to meet Mrs. Healy. There were lots of rules but the most important rules were: DO NOT SIT ON THE WHITE COUCH and DO NOT LEAVE YOUR STUFF (a hair dryer was specifically mentioned) ALL OVER THE HOUSE! There were other rules but there were so many I forgot them. I kept my tornado of crap all in one corner and I didn't even look at the white couch and I didn't even bring a hair dryer so I don't know why they told me that.  But, all of the rules made me uncomfortable so I don't think Mrs thought I was as funny as you all know I am and I also just kept smiling at Mr without saying words. I imagine their report-out post my departure was "Why does that girl laugh weird and why does she always no-tooth smile me?". I don't know. I was awkward and I usually kill it with parents.

We spent so much time muploading (mobile uploading) and lounging and listening to music and sunning.  Muploading covered all of the bases, so I'd like to put the vacation in picture format.

Sunning.

Eating.

Lounging.

Attractives.

Cupcaking.

Mustaches.

Cheesing.

More Lounging.

The vacation was totally phenomenal. I think the SIC humans will want to know where we did all of our cupcaking (besides the beach, obviously) and I'm not really sure since I was a follower not a leader. I'll give it my best shot: We went to La Costa sometimes and sat outside but there were a lot of baby lifeguards there and I was really having an issue wiht my age with all these underagers around. And when we were inside it was such sensory overload with all of the guido fabulousness that I think I've blacked it out just because.  We also went to this great two floor bar where the top floor was a really weird, shady attic with a homemade grandpa bar and the bottom was old people central jamming out to live music (which was obviously where the TIMES! were). I couldn't get into the Springfield because they didn't like my Texas temporary ID with PA license backup - I guess they have a lot of 25 year olds sneaking into their FABULOUS (my ass) establishment. And then there was OD and Dead Dog. I don't know which one is which but the one with carpet we went to on Friday and the other one we went to on Saturday.

Friday. Oh, Friday. Natalie picked us up, we all jammed into her car and went home and went to sleep. And then we woke up and went to the beach. And ate. And had the times. And it was fabulous. And then I remembered I hadn't seen my phone in a while. That's ok, because I didn't need to talk to anyone. But it was bad because I wanted to mupload. We look all over for the phone, no where to be found, and to be honest, I don't care as much as maybe I should so we go out anyway sans phone. On Saturday we tear the place up looking for it - no where to be found. I am convinced that either Jarrod or Natalie stole it. I decide I will just activate old phone when I get back to Dallas and wait for one of the thieves to mysteriously mail it back to me. When I was going to sleep on Saturday night, I wake straight up and realize I left my keys in Philadelphia. GOD! Those are two pretty important things, in my mind.. I have to arrange a dropoff with Kim and Jarrod at the airport and leave SIC and the east coast sans phone.

I then spent 8 days sans phone because I knew Jarrod or Natalie had my phone.  It's not that hard to be without phone, I didn't actually need to call anyone days 1-6, I just wanted to check my email and putz around during the work day on my phone, if I'm being perfectly honest. On Day 7 I was done talking to people at work so I skyped Sister Allie and got to talk with my parents, Poppy and puppies Moses and Lincoln. But later that night I just couldn't take it anymore!! And Natalie and Jarrod both said they didn't have my phone. So I had no choice but to bid on a phone on eBay with 4 day delivery. And then when I woke up on Saturday roommate Erin was missing and I just said GOD I NEED TO ACTIVATE AN OLD PHONE! But I didn't have a charger, so I went out and bought a cheapy one. And then we are getting ready to go out and Jessica says "Yea! Wear the boots!" And I put the boots on and there is something in there that I think is a deck of cards but turns out to be my PHONE! I gasp. Drop to the floor. I am in SHOCK! And, a little irritated that I have to issue an apology to both Natalie and Jarrod. So there it is.

I now have three phones. I am still using the chocolate slider (which can hold a charge for FOUR days), waiting for the phone I ordered from eBay to even get here (thank God I didn't wait on that one) and considering going to the Verizon store to activate most hated of all smartphones: cracked htc droid. But only because it has GPS. And I can't get anywhere without my GPS.