Great news, humes! I'm online dating. I haven't decided how much I'm going to share with you.... actually, who am I kidding? I have no boundaries.
Here's the deal - I have a SIX month subscription to match.com. Yes. This is serious. I figure if I spend the rest of the year practicing my online "winking" and messaging, I'll be good to go by January. Why is January such an important month? Because I expect everyone to go home for the holidays and their family will ask them all kinds of annoying things like "Are you dating anyone? No.. oh.." and "Oh, so and so is engaged" or "So and so is expecting twins!" and everyone will feel just AWFUL about themselves. And they will say: "That is it! Effective January 1st I am changing my life and I'm doing it with online dating!!!"
And there I'll be.
Waiting.
With a wink. Or something. I haven't quite figured it all out yet.
Here's what I do know:
1) Filters are amazing. Now that I've set email filters, old men can no longer email me. I was getting way too many "Heyyyy purty lady" from 50 somethings in nowhere Texas. Really weird. Now, that is gone. Phew!
2) Most people did not complete grade school. I mean, why else would you still say "u" for "you", "aiiight" for "alright" or "2" for "to" if you knew any grammar at all??
3) Messages don't really creep me out, but they do make me feel sad for the sender. Not sad enough to sympathy date, but sad enough to feel bad for them.
4) Match says NO for you! You just click the "no thanks" button and it sends this generic email that says "Sorry, I don't think we are a good fit. Good luck!" and that is that!
Here are some of the messages I've received:
Ding Ding Ding!! And the winner is "You".. Please email to collect your prize. "Me"... Making you laugh & smile is in my DNA :) Let's see if I can pull you off this thing?
Gag. Ser.
Heard you were looking for me! Lol. Lame line, sorry. Just wanted to say hello.
Regardless of this being a capital-L LAME line, have a little confidence, gosh.
are you a steeler fan? Do you like regulard Coca Cola?
Regulard? REALLY!?
Hi, Im Ryan. This daily matches thing says we have the same birth month. What day is your birthday? Mine is June 12th. Well, read your profile and wanted to say hi.
Birthday month? Maybe you should try a lame line...
I read your profile
and thought we might be a good match.
I am fairly neat, loving animal, laid back
enjoy life...
I am not here for game, but a start of a serious relationship
if you want to get to know each other better
prehaps we can spend a little time together over a dinner or lunch.
Now, you know my feelings on minorities, and the email above is clearly from an ESL student. However, match.com has helped me decide that on my list of priorities grammar comes before ethnicity.
More to come!
11/14/2011
11/13/2011
Be responsible, folks!
The past few days have been a whirlwind. I think I love traveling, but I hate the exhausted feeling I have once I finally get to sit down and think about everything! I'm taking sleep very seriously when I am in my bed. But now I'm filled with constant anxiety that the fire alarm is going to go off. WHY? Well, I'll tell you: the fire alarm went off the other week and I've decided I'm traumatized by it.
See, what had happened was I was sleeping. I don't know what cycle of sleep I was in, but I start dreaming this demonic voice. And I'm slowly stirring and when I finally get my eyes open and I can process things I see Roommate Erin in my room. She TOTALLY SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME and I scream. And she screams back. And then she says "We need to go!".
How does Roommate Erin know we need to go? Well, our apartment building has THE. LOUDEST. emergency talking alarm thing. The woman who delivers the message does so with an irritating beep that pierces your ears. She says things like: THIS. IS. AN. EMERGENCY. PLEASE. EVACUATE. THE. BUILDING. IF YOU ARE DISABLED, FOLLOW YOUR DISABLED EVACUATION PLAN. THIS. IS AN. EMERGENCY. etc. The voice is terrifying because you cannot think about anything. Which makes it hard to leave the house.
Anyway, Roommate Erin (so level headed) says "I'm going to check if other people are leaving."
Pause: Our building has a poor history of the fire alarm sounding for NO reason. This is the 3rd time I've been woken up by the alarm, but the first time the alarm has happened at night time.
While Erin checks the door, I struggle to find a sweatshirt to go outside (totally forgetting it's 60 degrees out). I then hear Erin scream: MEGAN! WE. HAVE. TO. GO. THERE IS SMOKE!
So now the fire is real! Erin and I TAKE OFF like MANIACS running down the stairs.She's holding her shoes and sans glasses, and I'm still not really awake and thinking that I'm so glad I have renter's insurance. There is total chaos outside. People are out in their pj's, dogs are fighting, police and fire trucks are arriving and the entire situation seems very serious, except for the fact that we are all standing right next to the building so there must not be a fire.
Annoying.
After 45 minutes we are allowed back upstairs and our floor definitely smells like smoke. So I know we weren't crazy. When we get in the apartment it occurs to me we did not lock our doors and this makes me slightly panicked. Ok, really panicked. I check all closets, showers and the balcony to look for an intruder. I'm certain this would have been a perfect opportunity for them to break in and kill us in the night. Thankfully, no intruder was found.
My adrenaline was really going crazy with the loud noises, the dog fight and the hypothetical intruder that I could hardly fall back to sleep. The next morning was rough.
The next afternoon all residents received an email titled "Fire Alarm" which thanked us for exiting the building so quickly and efficiently (they must have seen me and Erin running for our lives) and then provided some helpful "hints" for apartment living. My favorite was: A responsible adult should monitor the kitchen at all times when cooking to prevent food from burning.
Someone on the 4th floor is clearly irresponsible. Not I. Or Erin.
Uh! That was exhausting reliving that terrible alarm. I'll blog about Wurstfest and Chattanooga later this week!
See, what had happened was I was sleeping. I don't know what cycle of sleep I was in, but I start dreaming this demonic voice. And I'm slowly stirring and when I finally get my eyes open and I can process things I see Roommate Erin in my room. She TOTALLY SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME and I scream. And she screams back. And then she says "We need to go!".
How does Roommate Erin know we need to go? Well, our apartment building has THE. LOUDEST. emergency talking alarm thing. The woman who delivers the message does so with an irritating beep that pierces your ears. She says things like: THIS. IS. AN. EMERGENCY. PLEASE. EVACUATE. THE. BUILDING. IF YOU ARE DISABLED, FOLLOW YOUR DISABLED EVACUATION PLAN. THIS. IS AN. EMERGENCY. etc. The voice is terrifying because you cannot think about anything. Which makes it hard to leave the house.
Anyway, Roommate Erin (so level headed) says "I'm going to check if other people are leaving."
Pause: Our building has a poor history of the fire alarm sounding for NO reason. This is the 3rd time I've been woken up by the alarm, but the first time the alarm has happened at night time.
While Erin checks the door, I struggle to find a sweatshirt to go outside (totally forgetting it's 60 degrees out). I then hear Erin scream: MEGAN! WE. HAVE. TO. GO. THERE IS SMOKE!
So now the fire is real! Erin and I TAKE OFF like MANIACS running down the stairs.She's holding her shoes and sans glasses, and I'm still not really awake and thinking that I'm so glad I have renter's insurance. There is total chaos outside. People are out in their pj's, dogs are fighting, police and fire trucks are arriving and the entire situation seems very serious, except for the fact that we are all standing right next to the building so there must not be a fire.
Annoying.
After 45 minutes we are allowed back upstairs and our floor definitely smells like smoke. So I know we weren't crazy. When we get in the apartment it occurs to me we did not lock our doors and this makes me slightly panicked. Ok, really panicked. I check all closets, showers and the balcony to look for an intruder. I'm certain this would have been a perfect opportunity for them to break in and kill us in the night. Thankfully, no intruder was found.
My adrenaline was really going crazy with the loud noises, the dog fight and the hypothetical intruder that I could hardly fall back to sleep. The next morning was rough.
The next afternoon all residents received an email titled "Fire Alarm" which thanked us for exiting the building so quickly and efficiently (they must have seen me and Erin running for our lives) and then provided some helpful "hints" for apartment living. My favorite was: A responsible adult should monitor the kitchen at all times when cooking to prevent food from burning.
Someone on the 4th floor is clearly irresponsible. Not I. Or Erin.
Uh! That was exhausting reliving that terrible alarm. I'll blog about Wurstfest and Chattanooga later this week!
11/01/2011
Baby Rain!
Here I am! Just a few short days after my last post! Could I be back on a roll???
We'll discuss posting regularities later - let's focus on my adorable nephew first:
Isn't he the sweetest thing in the entire world?? He just turned 1 in Septemeber and I got to spend a day with him, Brother Adam and my Mother when I was in Pittsburgh. We went to the Olive Garden. And Target. We laughed and made coo-ing noises and probably annoyed other tables. Did I care one bit? Nope. He really was the cutest thing in that silly restaurant! We were totally oblivious to everyone else in that restaurant and did everything I scowled at when I was a waitress. We made sure the waitress knew she was interrupting us when she asked if we needed anything. We let him throw everything on the floor, and then left it there. I know these are sins as a former waitress, but I don't care one bit. I was just having the times with this sweet little button who, remarkably, can use a cell phone.
He was playing with the cell phone and my mom called it so it would vibrate and ring and he managed to 1) deny the call and 2) send an auto text that said "I'm in a meeting" back to my mother. Handsome and smart? Oh lord.
Ok, so I know gushing about a baby is the most annoying thing ever - especially when no matter what you say I will never believe there is a cuter one out there. But, I just want to show off those beautiful blue eyes and that smile that I can't wait to see again in November!
Great, breaking news: 3 new followers!
79: Cousin Ryan Miller! Cousin Ryan and Wife Jaci are going to be parents any day now, so cousin Ryan is probably not going to be reading this ever again. But that's ok.
80: LeBlanc is also known as Friend Jeffrey who lived with me and Erin for a week. He was a wonderful house guest and paid compliments when they were wanted (for example, my homemade strawberry champagne cupcakes). He also did not complain about the fact that I set 3 alarms (all of which you can hear in the living room) and snooze them for 30 minutes.
81: Emily! Emily is so southern (and pretty) and she a ran over a raccoon once when I was in her car! And she is such a great friend in Dallas, and now that she's following I expect her to get the also so great Jess to be my 82nd follower!
Who will be 83 then??
Great, breaking news: 3 new followers!
79: Cousin Ryan Miller! Cousin Ryan and Wife Jaci are going to be parents any day now, so cousin Ryan is probably not going to be reading this ever again. But that's ok.
80: LeBlanc is also known as Friend Jeffrey who lived with me and Erin for a week. He was a wonderful house guest and paid compliments when they were wanted (for example, my homemade strawberry champagne cupcakes). He also did not complain about the fact that I set 3 alarms (all of which you can hear in the living room) and snooze them for 30 minutes.
81: Emily! Emily is so southern (and pretty) and she a ran over a raccoon once when I was in her car! And she is such a great friend in Dallas, and now that she's following I expect her to get the also so great Jess to be my 82nd follower!
Who will be 83 then??
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