12/30/2010

QUIT CHUCKING MY WOOD!

Holy crap. I'm drafting this post right now and giddy at the fact that I have 49 followers. I mean. I'm checking my blog status and gasping each time I get a new follower. Which, lately I've been doing a lot of gasping. But I don't want to talk to you about lately because I haven't even told you about Christmas!

By the time I got home on Christmas Eve, I was what you would call... exhausted! I wasn't excited at all for Christmas Eve - even though this is the big holiday for the family. I got home and laid in bed with Allie and the puppies and watched Dexter season 1. Dexter literally gave me anxiety watching that show. I don't understand it. They talk about it at work and they say "You'll like it! He kills bad guys!" But, I do not like it! He KILLS! And the people in the show are so rude and weird. I mean, none of these people are real people. And, as I said, I literally had an anxiety attack watching the show thinking that something bad was going to happen to me or someone I know! This did not put me in the Christmas spirit and, I declared: CHRISTMAS IS RUINED. This became one of the 2 family phrases of the evening. Whenever anything went wrong, not our way, not as planned or was just weird someone would say CHRISTMAS IS RUINED! No hot water for my shower? CHRISTMAS IS RUINED. My father is using the iron in my room? CHRISTMAS IS RUINED! No ladylock cookies? CHRISTMAS IS RUINED! Adam is wearing a white belt? CHRISTMAS IS RUINED! That's how that worked.

You are probably familiar with the second favorite phrase as you have probably heard it on the TV. It is: "Hey you dang woodchucks! QUIT CHUCKING MY WOOD!". This phrase was born when Allie was trying to get Lincoln's attention. See, we love Lincoln, but he's a little bit of an idiot. He doesn't know his own name. I actually think he thinks his name is "Treat!" because that is literally the ONLY thing he will come to. So, in puppy fashion, Lincoln will steal things and run and with them or chew them and you can't get him to stop by yelling his name "LINCOLN!" because, well, he doesn't know that is his name. You also cannot go after him because he thinks you are playing chase and he will always be faster than you. So, Allie decided to startle him and would yell "HEY YOU! QUIT CHUCKING MY WOOD!". That would certainly get his attention and give you just enough time to get away from him whatever he was chewing. I enjoyed this phrase and started using it on humans - and, just like with Lincoln, it get's their attention.



So, if someone were to exclaim CHRISTMAS IS RUINED! Someone eventually would cry back "HEY YOU! QUIT CHUCKING MY WOOD" and that was pretty much an endless circle of conversation in my household while getting ready for Christmas Eve.

Dinner at Christmas Eve was pretty standard - lasagna was present and that is all I ate. There were also some deviled eggs (which I love) but someone put an olive on top of them (which I hate) and since Nanny didn't make them there was no bacon in them (which I missed). I was at a kid's table and got to listen to my cousins Conor and Sarah be so excited for Santa to come and did I think they were getting an iTouch!!???!!! I mean - what 8 and 10 year old needs an iTouch? Oh, I know - NONE OF THEM! But, sure enough, Santa got them just that.

The real main course of Christmas Eve is the grab bag. I don't really know how the tradition started, but my family does a grab bag every year and it really does bring in a lot of laughs. I think other people call grab bags pollyanna or white elephant, but it's all the same. Everyone gets a gift ($25), wraps it, and sets it in the middle. The details around the game change each year when Uncle Muff, Cousin Tom and my Dad decide the rules between dinner and dessert.

There are typically rules around who goes first (age, birthday, random number assignments), what questions you can ask about the gift (Will I like this? Is it for a Male or a Female? Who brought this?), there are rules around stealing (sometimes if you see something you like already opened you can take someone elses present!) and then there is always a catch (last year it was pass your present to the right at the end of the game). Whatever the rules are, there is always a lot of excitement building up to who will get the best gift and who will get the worst gift. We've had some doozies of worst gifts, and I've even received two of them. One year I got a paper shredder (I don't know who thought THAT was a good idea for a gift) and then one year... I caused a little scene over my gift, which happened to be a Nativity Scene.

Everyone opens a gift one at a time and has to show the room (in case they want to steal it later). After I opened up the Nativity Scene and had a good laugh, becuase, really, this was a joke, right? I said to my Mother "Who the hell puts this in the grabbag. THERE ISN'T EVEN A GIFT RECIPET! THIS IS THE WORST GIFT EVER. I don't want this!" To which cousin Kevin, who was next to me, listening closely, says "I put that in". Woops. Insert foot in mouth. That was pretty hard to back track, but I told him I was just kidding and a Nativity Scene was a beautiful gift and I couldn't wait to display it in my apartment at school! Which, I did just that for my entire senior year - the Nativity Scene was out next to the TV and got lots of year round viewing!

Anyway, back to 2010 grab bag - I was very excited because I definitely had potential to have the best gift! I spent 2 hours that morning folding money into a wreath.



Twenty-five one dollar bills. I was certain I was going to be a star! So, when it was time to start the grab bag, I was surprised that my stardom came early when my Uncle Muff asked me to be the Grab Bag Apprentince and record the numbers and rules! This is a position never held before, and if it was corporate world Grab Bag I'm pretty sure it would be called "Admin", but I was the night's apprentince and got to call out numbers and tell people when it was their turn.

My money wreath was a hit and was passed around and I got lots of compliments on being so creative. But, the best gift ended up being a Coach wristlet and the worst gift ended up being the Man Survival Guide. I ended up with popcorn buckets. Which, would generally be a CHRISTMAS IS RUINED situation, but, there was a catch! Random numbers had been selected prior to the start of the game and people had to trade their presents... There were, probably 25 trades. I went from the popcorn buckets, to a candle holder... to..... THE COACH WRISTLET! CHRISTMAS WAS SAVED!! I have never been SO HAPPY to steal something than I was when I took the wristlet from my Aunt Kristen who, truth be told, can go buy her own damn wristlet!!!! I snatched that wristlet up so quick, did a little bit of a rubbing it in her face dance and went back to my seat to pray I wouldn't have to switch again! And I didn't!! Christmas was saved! I got the best gift I could get! My given gift was passed around and oohed and ahhed! And all was right in the world! Except... my Grandma got the guide book to Man Survival Skills. That was weird. But, at least she now knows how to survive a typhoon.

After the grabbag, excitement usually dies down. But not this year. My Grandma called over cousin Patrick and told him something along the lines of "Most kids go through a gawky stage, and yours lasted longer than others. And you were looking kind of homely, but you turned out ok". Poor Patrick. Everyone at the table awkward laughed, but I guess my Grandma didn't pick up on the awkward part of the laugh and mistook this for encouragement and kept going on and on about how ugly Patrick was and how worried she was for him but thankfully he isn't still ugly and turned out ok. Poor Pat! That was a pretty long five minutes, and it was nearly impossible to get her to stop. So we had to leave.

Just kidding, that isn't why we had to leave - but it was a pretty good time for eveyone to disperse.

In... the 1990's or early 2000's Santa hit a bad storm and had to come to our house on Christmas Eve to deliver presents so he didn't get "bogged down", per his note. It was only later we learned that my parents were sick of us waking them up at 6AM to go open presents. So- thus started the Miller Family tradition of Christmas presents on Christmas Eve. Which, after we left Aunt Rosemary's is exactly what we did when we got home.

I anticipated no surprises since I had to wrap all gifts, including my own. I had asked for luggage, and knew I was getting it, but was under the impression I was picking it out during after Christmas shopping. Imagine my surprise when my parents actually managed to surprise me by wheeling in beautiful new luggage!!! Huge surprise!! Isn't it beautiful!!??



Other Christmas highlights were a drill for my dad, an iPod for my mom, a Penguins Jersey for Adam, puppy steps for Allie, and a scarf for Matt.

Which, let's timeout for a minute - how stupid is wrapping Christmas presents? I mean, especially in my family. Some of those presents weren't wrapped 12 hours before we were tearing into them and throwing them away. I don't know how the wrapping industry managed it - but they are quite a success. People love wrapping paper. I prefer bags. They are just easier. And you can recylce them!

Christmas was a success in the Miller house and we all went to sleep and woke up to the phone ringing and my Grandma was ready for church and wanted ALL OF HER GRANDCHILD THERE. Which, we had just woken up. No one was showered or ready, And, no one wanted to go. I know, that's terrible. But, it's the truth. But, we children got ready and were waiting by the door at 10 til and ready to go pick up Grandma. For all of us to get there we needed to take two cars. Me and Adam in one, the rest in the other. We were caravanning to church and all of a sudden my mom drives past the church, turns around at a culdesac and through the back of the window my sister gives us the sign of the cross and they drive off. This was weird and me and Adam had no idea what was going on, so we continued to follow my Mom who drives back home. Apparently, we had missed Christmas mass. Which, "In 76 years I have NEVER missed MASS!!" according to my Grandma. So, my Poppy gave her the sign of the cross, and then we all enjoyed a Christmas breakfast before heading to Carcars for the real deal!

Getting Christmas dinner ready was a debacle with my Grandma who may or may not have issues with her short term memory, my Aunt Rosemary who purposefully turns her hearing aids off, Nanny who is slightly obsessive, and my Aunt Carcar who probably had a strong glass of vodka to get her through the kitchen times. I didn't go up there to see how things were going, but the air was tense and the filet was dry.

And that was Christmas. Are you as exhausted from reading that as I am from recapping that??

Now, the good stuff. THREE. NEW. FOLLOWERS. HELLO!!! This is amazing!! I'm one away from 50!!! And 2010 ends tomorrow!!! Who is going to get me number 50!?? ROCK On!

47: Larry. Do not call him Larbear. Larry is from work, and, ladies, he is handsome. And tall! And I full court pressed him via work messaging today to be my 47th follower. He wanted to wait and be 50, but, as we discussed, 47 is a prime number. And 4 plus 7 is 11. And his birthday is in November. And, 47 just fits!

48: CHRIS LUCAS - PENNSTATEFTG! Fellow blogger. There are not enough words to introduce Chris Lucas to those of you that don't know him. Just know that not only is he one of the smartest people I know, he is also one of the funniest - a rare gem and a REAL CATCH for fiance Liz!! I'm still so happy for you too!

49: Jonathan!! Oh my gosh! Imagine my excitement when you answered my facebook plea and said you would follow! The best part is, for the rest of you, while reading the Austin recap (YES! He is THAT J2!) he was shushed for laughing and then asked to leave the coffee shop. Are you imagining his laugh? Yes, it is THAT TBS funny!!

One more day for number 50. Who will be the one??? One more post in 2010! Come on fifty!!

PS: Let's, real quick, talk about my spelling errors. As hard as it may be to believe, I do proof these entries. But, I mean, I live it, mentally draft it and then write it and then I'm seeing what I meant to write and I don't see the errors. Until it's too late. For example, my last post - why did I keep writing gentlemAn? That isn't what I meant! I know it's gentlemEn! So, while thinking about these spelling errors (and all previous other ones) I came to the following conclusion: The spelling errors are like my hair. I spend time curling and fixing it in the morning. But, by lunch time, sometimes it falls and I catch my reflection in the mirror and think "Oh, that's not how I left the house" but then I think "Megan, you still have great hair!" and I don't care that my hair isn't curled as much... or that I have spelling errors in my blog. Because, it's still good.

No comments:

Post a Comment