Spaz

I think it is important for everyone to know I've been a total spaz today. Typically, I go through hours of "spaz" status. But, today was the full day. Spaz status started with weird music on my too loud alarm but still managing to close my eyes and dream I wasn't hearing my alarm. Which led to obviously running late. Which led to not enough time to dry my hair which led to an attempt at wild locks but what really ended up as such spazzy hair you might find on Ms. Frizzle after a trip down the esophagus with the Magic School bus.

Then I hated EVERYTHING I tried on. So, not only was I wearing a TERRIBLE outfit today, my closet is now a disaster because I obviously just tossed everything on the floor and then closed the door. Ms. Frizzle has on a better outfit than I do today.

The reason I was so spazzy to get to work on time was because we are doing this new meeting format that I will be owning and of course it is at 7:30 AM. My favorite of all favorite times. Oh, and my computer has been doing this really cool thing called "TAKES FORTY FIVE GOD DAMN MINUTES TO FUCKING WORK". This usually puts me in a great mood first thing on a Monday morning! Thankfully my favorite thing to do is smile and be so friendly to the IT guys, so the new IT guy that I haven't asked so much of is happy to take care of my computer issue and I am expecting a new, functioning machine in the next week. I will obviously provide a treat to the IT men upon arrival of new computer.

Then today was the FINAL DAY to register Jackson in Texas. Since I love working with the East coast SO MUCH and never get a lunch hour ever because my lunch hour is their lunch hour... I took a 9am lunch hour to get my car registered. Pause.

I do not take lunch for an hour. I have. But, 99.4% of the time I eat lunch at my desk while sitting on calls, checking through emails, or catching up on other crap that is driving me nutso. Play.

When taking my trip to make Jackson a registered Texan, I realized I did not have my wallet and therefore did not have the necessary cash money I would need to pay for this trip. So I stopped at home, grabbed my wallet and drove 10 miles north to the tax office. I stopped at the bank to do the drive through ATM and discovered that my ATM card was... NOT THERE. Wow. Awesome. I drive back down the street 10 miles to my house to get my ATM card and then drive back UP the street 10 miles back to the bank and the tax office. I wait in line so patiently with all my forms already filled out (remember, I was there last week and was missing something) and my stack of $20s and just waiting my turn. Patiently. For 20 minutes. And then the woman complimented me on my preparedness (Little did she know this was my 9th try at getting the damn car registered) and then she gave me my new license plate...s. Yes. Two plates. And she said "I don't need to tell you - 2 plates." And I said "Oh yes you do. I only have one plate!" Panic. I didn't know that when registering car I would actually need to install plates. I mean, I guess I knew this, but I thought I would get a fake plate and then have some time to figure out who could install the real plates upon their arrival to my house. I, for some reason, imagined the US Postal Service and a mechanic would be involved in registering my car. This is incorrect. Now I have to license plates and a sticker and I was so panicked at "two plates" that I don't really remember what she told me to do with the sticker and .... well.. I wish I knew a boy or something here to just do this for me. This is such a boy's job. I'll do the dishes, if just a boy could make my car work. Gosh!

Since we are talking about license plates, I should tell you about my GENUIS idea I had last week which literally made me giggle for... 30 minutes. And then again when I retold people about my so great idea. I think I should rage and get vanity license plates that say "WAMPUS". Isn't that amazing!?

Except, they are $200 for ONE YEAR. Come on, Texas. Do people really pay that? Should I pay that? How FUNNY woulf it be if you pulled up behind "WAMPUS"? SO FUNNY! Kim suggested "RAGE" but I'm fearful people would interprut that for roadRAGE and maybe they would be mean to me or try to race me on the Dallas North Tollway North (Isn't that a stupid name for a road? North North? But I understand since the opposite direction is Dallas North Tollway South. North South. So stupid.)

Anyway, the entire registering my car event made me spazzier. And once I get too far down the spazzy road, well, I have no control over my behavior. This is when I started talking to myself today. At my desk. Loudly. Like I was on the phone. Excepyt I wasn't on the phone. But I was having a pretty decent conversation with myself trying to figure out an easier way to do something in Excel. Excel, I love you, but you really push me to my limits sometimes. And once I start talking out loud to myself, there is really no stopping me then - so I began to draft emails out loud instead of mentally in my mind. This also included statements like "Uh. God. No. That isn't what I want to say." or "Uh, are they crazy?" or "GOD!" or "This is stupid". Etc. Etc. I was caught talking to myself, but I don't care. I said "This is hard. Do you want to do it?". No, they did not want to do it. So, they let me do it my way. Which, today, is out loud.

Do you want to know how much I care about any of this? Zero. My bar is pretty high at work, so if I have a spazzy day with Frizzle hair, poor person outfit choice and out loud commentary for everything I do - well, then I have it. And that is that.

Wampus. Seriously, that is still so funny to me. Kim and I decided I should also name my dog future dog Wampus. "Sit, Wampus". "Come, Wampus!". "Do you want a treat, Wampus?". "Let's go outside, Wampy!!". "Wampy, where is Lincoln?". That will be a great dog name. For MY dog. Don't even think about taking it.

I remembered something I didn't tell you about Ashley's visit... the first night she came I made her a great homemade dinner which I referred to as a Fancy Feast (sans cat) which included herb chicken, baked asparagus, rice pilaf and MOLTON LAVA CAKE FOR DESSERT! Yep. I made it from scratch and it was SO AWESOME and SO EASY! Boys, this is so easy you can totally impress mad bitches with this great recipe I'm going to share with you. And, ladies, you can make this in advance, store it in the fridge and bake at the peak of PMS. It's pretty much the most delicious thing everrr!

All you have to do is: melt 1 cup of choclate chips with 1 stick of butter in the microwave. And then slowly add in 1.5 cups of powdered sugar and .5 cups of flour. And also add in a teaspoon of vanilla. And then add in 3 whole eggs. And then add in 3 egg yolks. Mix mix mix. Pour into ramekins (makes five) and then bake for 15 minutes at 425 degrees. Flip the ramekin on to the plate, sprinkle with powedered sugar. Top with a scoop of ice cream. And then... you're welcome. Enjoy. Mine kind of broke when I flipped them, so I guess I could have baked them a little longer... but that ooey gooey goodness inside was just so delicious I didn't mind at all. Mmmmm.

Bummer, the lighting isn't so great in that picture. I guessss I'll just have to make the last one and try again...

The final update I will give you on my life today is on the person I canceled the date with. Let me say - THANK GOD I CANCELED. I was on facebook and his status this morning was...

"I had to make a difficult decision last night, which affects myself and my future wife. It kinda sucks, but I am confident that God will honor my decision and bring her to me in His perfect timing."

I wish I was making this up. His friends made all these comments on it - some were about Jesus and some where about what appears to be a wild past he has with dating multiple wo once. His final response to all the comments was:


"*****- its crazy how the Holy Spirit has changed me inside. the past is the past, and i have to forgive myself, as God has forgiven me for the many women i've "juggled" and hurt in the process, as i led them on to believe they had a future ...with me. im sure they have healed and forgiven me as well.

***- this is true, and its nothing less than the Holy Spirit within me that has changed how i view women and intimacy. and as we agreed the other day, this girl is definitely different and if it is in God's will, he will bring us together.

*******- thats a good perspective to have, and its good that you have realized some things from your own experiences and that you are honest with yourself about how things are.

******- i like what you said about trust and honesty. i cant imaging that lying ever benefits a relationship. it does neither person any good."

Beyond the obvious (defriending will occur immediately), this person has made it clear to me that I need to, immediately, stop using, in all contexts, the word "HUSBAND". I am totally creeped out. Totally. Completely. So weird. Not that I think I'm the one he wants to marry - but that he is clearly looking to get married.... tomorrow. I know I say all the time "I want to get married" or "He is my husband". BUT - I AM KIDDING. I don't really want to get married. I can't even pick an outfit some days, let alone a husband. AND I don't even like a lot of my crushes for more than two weeks!!! So, starting now, I will completely remove the word husband from my vocabulary. Unless I'm talking about friend Jessica. Who is married. To Husband Keith.

Uh, so weird. I've also decided I'm not dating until I'm 35. That gives all the weirdos 11 years to marry off and get out of my way. I think that is plenty of time to clean up the playing field. And, men are much more attractive when they aren't in their 20s anyway.