over it

I meant to blog twice already this week- but I didn't do it. Hopefully I remember all my great blogging ideas for this post...

Most importantly- weeks and weeks and maybe more likely months and months ago I set up my TV in my bedroom so I could move the box and make more room for clothes in one of my closets. For those weeks and weeks and maybe more likely months ago- I haven't turned the TV on because... well, I haven't. AND - it isn't my TV with DVR so really what is the point? Anyway, last week I decided to turn it on and it didn't get cable. I did the only two things I knew how to do: 1) make sure the cable wire was screwed in and 2) call the cable company and tell them something was wrong. I spoke to this so nice man named Jerry. Jerry was SO GREAT!!! Since the problem was obviously user error (me) and not the cable company- he even downloaded the instructions for my TV to figure out how to use the side buttons on the TV instead of the remote since I had no batteries for the remote. He spent so much time with me on the phone trying to work the buttons and then even waited for my channel scan to finish. And THEN he said "Megan, did you know you can receive Showtime free for a year!?" and I said "Jerry, what is the catch with this free-for-a-year Showtime?" and he said "Nothing! It's just a special we are running and I thought you might want it". Well, I said Ok, obviously, and now I'm totally into the one episode available of The Big C and Weeds. Except- Weeds really creeps me out since now I think every single person is a drug dealer.

Other things that happened last week?? I gave my first Toastmasters speech. Apparently not everyone knows what Toastmasters is- it's a public speaking group with chapters across the country. You complete 10 speeches and participate in different roles in each meeting (evaluator, um counter, grammarian) and then you become... a Toastmaster!!!! My first speech was the Ice Breaker speech and you just tell the group about you for 4-6 minutes. My speech was on my favorite thing inspired by my new book Astrology for Dummies. I talked about how Cancer I am. I won best speech. There were only two. The other person was disqualified for going over 6 minutes. BUT I still got best speech and was told I was a natural- obviously. My next speech is the organization speech so I need to make sure I have a beginning, middle and end. Easy enough- except I need a topic. Any suggestions?

Alright - this weekend. I might be turning emo, which, for the blog seems to be what you jackwipes want, but for my own personal happiness- not so great. I decided I am over Texas. I don't know if this is temporary or not- but it is what I am. At the moment. Or forever. Whatever. Which is why I'm happy I get to go back to Pittsburgh on business- except, on my last visit, my mother seems to be preoccupied with when I am getting a haircut. Mothers- right? As a good daughter, I scheduled an appointment for yesterday at 4pm. I got their 10 minutes early. At 5 to 4 Kelly came over to tell me she was running "twenty" maybe "twenty-five minutes tops" behind. No problem- I'm in no rush. 45 minutes later I'm seething. This bitch (not B- she gets the entire word) didn't so much as look at me and she was TWO clients behind!!!!!!!! I death stare her and everyone in the place and then storm out. Drive home and plan my bad review for Yelp.com. But I have to go to a housewarming party on Saturday night so I stop at the grocery store to buy ingredients for buffalo chicken dip.

I go home, still angry about my non hair cut, but whip up some dip and put it in this great casserole dish that is SO CUTE that I've really been wanting to do. I grab everything (dip and chips) and get in the car as I'm already 25 minutes late. I don't get to the second street and that F-in casserole tips. Lid off. Dip. Everywhere. Fuck. My car smells like HOT SAUCE AND CHICKEN. Am I pissed off? Yes. My level of talking to myself reaches a new high as I realize this is a disaster. Turn the car around, remove the floor mat- THANK GOD MOST OF THE DIP IS THERE!!!- and try to carry it into my apartment. But you have to scan yourself in and I've got a mostly white dress that is now dip speckled and I'm carrying the floor mat and the cute casserole dish I love so much and I met nice new neighbor Mike who definitely has a complex judging by his car and he lets me in and thinks it's "so weird that we're neighbors!!" or something I didn't have time for (not my husband). The buffalo chicken dip is semi salvageable but I need something to calm my nerves- this is when I have what has to have been my 6th DC of the day. But I neeeeeeded it.

I get to the housewarming party- eclectic group. Befriended two lesbians and I'm now invited to a 30th birthday party next week. It's a mustache party. TBD on my attending or not attending status. I'd rather be miserable I think- yep, that's where I am tonight.

At the housewarming party I got a tour of the house- owner of house is a 30 year old heterosexual man from work who is growing a beard for the mustache party (yes, a beard for the mustache party). He has a cat. He has an extra room with no furniture in it, JUST a cat bed and one of those clawing things. Yep- saw it with my own eyes. Then the tour goes to th master bedroom where he has fancy drapes on the walls in TWO colors (brown and blue). And then the master bathroom where he has CANDLES ON THE BATHTUB. I don't understand. Jokingly I said "have you taken a bath yet" and he honestly answered me "not yet". No words.

Places I should be- my closet. It's pretty much a disaster. And then there are the three baskets of laundry I need to do but I'm out of quarters. And the worst pod shuffle ever is on right now.

And...

I used the F word in the blog. That's my mood. I need a glass of wine. Only 12 months left of Texas and its obnoxious heat.

PS: I hope I made lots of spelling errors in this blog.

PPS: Hi Nathan, friend of Erica, who I have never met and is reading but not following. I'm onto you. And the rest of you too.