reader submissions accepted!

Welcome to the first live from Munhall blog post!!!

Not many of you know what it is like for me to come home for a few days... I'll do my best to explain my trip....

First: NO ISSUES FLYING!!! Almost an issue when annoying woman in sun hat tried to talk to me by asking "Is this plane going to DC??" and I could tell just from her STUPID question that she was going to talk to me the ENTIRE plane ride. So, instead of answering her question I gave her a smile that said "You're an idiot. And I'm not acknowleding you." and I turned my head and that was the end of that.

I got home on Wednesday and my mom, sister and Lincoln picked me up. LINCOLN IS SO DAMN CUTE YOU CAN'T EVEN STAND IT!! He is such a cuddle bug and he sat with his Auntie Megan the entire drive home and I'm SO IN LOVE WITH HIM. Even the next day when I was babysitting him and he may have done a puppy poop on the carpet... I couldn't even be mad at him and his little puppy turds. I said.. AWW LINCOLN!!! And then I said... come here, baby!! He is cute and cuter than Allie.

When my mother saw me in the light of day she was not happy with my nail polish situation. See.... I decided to purchase yellow polish. Bright yellow. But, right next to the yellow was this blue glitter.... so I got that too. But I only put glitter on my droiding nails: my thumbs (for texting) and my right pointer finger (for touch-screening). Mare did not so much like this.

Working from home was, basically, a disaster. I mean- I don't know what part of WORK FROM HOME they don't understand but pretty much the second I got on a conference call chaos breaks out. The BIGGEST chaos situation was Thursday... My dad and neighbor Bill are redoing the basement and neighbor Bill comes in while I'm on one of my calls and notices that my mother made cookies. What does Bill say? Loudly? While I'm on the phone? "NOW THAT IS THE SHITTTT I AM TALKING ABOUT!!!!!" And I make a SHUT THE HELL UP face and point him to the basement. He sees puppy Lincoln and starts yelling "COME HERE NEW DOG! COME HERE NEW DOG". I mean, really?? Then the Edible Arrangements bouquet arrived and all humans in the vicinity flocked to the kitchen and I mean.... I need to live alone.

Friday night Allie and I went out in Southside. My Dad drove us there and on the ride there he suggested the best idea ever that would help me enhance my blog even more.... What is the best idea ever? TSHIRTS!!! So, we spent the entire drive thinking of what my Tshirt should say.... a few ideas are:

http://www.abitcattywampus.blogspot.com
Are you my husband?
rage.
You can get with this. Or you can get with that.
Cattywampus[kat-ee-wom-puhs] - adj: askew

And many others, that I am not remembering right now. Reader submissions are now being accepted. The 100th submission will recieve a free, copyrighted, abitcattywampus tshirt.

Back to Friday- we went out in Southside and Peter did not come with us but gave me one instruction: Do not be hungover for our car ride tomorrow. Ok. Whatever you say Peter. We went out with MK and Vanessa to Charlie Murdochs (which is a dueling piano bar). The pianists were not funny or enjoyable, so we went to the basement bar and raged. Cousin Kelly came by too and we enjoyed dollar drafts and there were a bunch of younger kids from my high school there. Including one of Allie's friends named Dave who has a rockin bod. Which I didn't know until Allie told me and he let me touch his chest. Is this inappropriate for a bar? I don't know. But was it rockin? Yes, I think that is the only way to describe it. Brother Matt picked us up and drove us home around 1AM or so and then before you knew it, it was 8AM and Pete was there to pick me up....

...And I was hungover. Woops. I tossed anything I thought I might need into a bag and got in the car. Pete and I had a great 4 hour car ride and he even stopped two times so I could go to the bathroom. He was SO great. He gave me all the scoop on everyone he thought I would meet and everyone he knew I would love and want to marry. I'm just going to put it out there that overall this wedding was everything I hope I never have to participate in for a wedding ever again. The two worst parts of the wedding celebration were 1) instead of doing a receiving line the bride and groom dismissed each pew individually and we had to watch them hug EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE HOTTEST CHURCH IN THE WORLD and 2) the food was terrible (awful and not enough! We went to Wegman's after everything ended.). But, the boys.... Lord! Again, Pete has all these handsome friends that are all taken NOW but I bet 2 years ago they weren't! They were all just great guys and really handsome. Everyone came attached with a date except friend Koz. (Friend Koz stayed in the hotel room with me and Pete and when he was changing he was in just his underpants and he was so handsome.) But, because Koz came without a date.... when we picked up our table numbers Koz was at table 17 but the rest of us were table 18! Table 17 was not only the loser table, but table 18 was the Penn State table. We chatted for 15 minutes about what we were going to do with Koz until he finally went over and took his entire place setting and brought it over to the ultimate table: 18. Dancing was lame at the wedding as well: it only lasted about an hour and I hated all the music. Except the two slow songs I danced cheek to cheek with Peter. His friends are definitely confused. We definitely appeared to be dating half the night, and fighting the other half. I'm pretty sure they weren't sure what was going on... but, we still had a great time all night.

Pete made us get up so early so he could pitch his baseball game that was canceled anyway. Our drive home ended up being very dangerous when a suddend down pour took away Pete's vision and we had to drive with hazard lights since we couldn't find a safe place to pull off. We spent a lot of the drive home planning our weddings (together and separate) and planning the guest list. If you've ever spoken to Pete- you're probably invited. If you've ever spoken to me- you probably aren't invited. Anyway, Pete and I discussed how confused his friends must be with if we are friends or dating or hate each other or love each other or what.... and he did the unthinkable!!! He said... NO MORE BABES! This blew my mind. I always call him babe. But, he is right. I can't ever get a husband if everyone is a babe- single men might think I'm dating Pete when we know that is not the case. SO. I am never calling anyone babe again. It's done. It's over. You aren't my babe unless you are my husband. Except the few times I'm sure that I will make a mistake and call an old babe, babe. Also. Lip kissing. Over. Gone. Done. This is my new life and approach to finding a husband. Purging all babes.

The rest of my time home so far has been just as expected- more and more chaos. But, fun. Visits with the old people (grandparents), lots of puppy playing, lots of Moses loving, more and more shopping with my mom and Allie, lots of Mad Men repeats and even more Bravo TV including Bethenny Getting Married and New Jersey Housewives. I've also spent a lot of time in my sister's room because she has a bigger TV and that cute puppy I keep talking about. Oh, and because tonight we're going to make an online dating profile for me...

More to come. (PS: I'm not rereading this and spell check isn't working so who knows WHAT I really wrote up there...)