12/31/2010

And the 50th is...

I don't know how he wasn't already following my blog, but the 50th follower is....


Matt McCowan!!!

12/30/2010

QUIT CHUCKING MY WOOD!

Holy crap. I'm drafting this post right now and giddy at the fact that I have 49 followers. I mean. I'm checking my blog status and gasping each time I get a new follower. Which, lately I've been doing a lot of gasping. But I don't want to talk to you about lately because I haven't even told you about Christmas!

By the time I got home on Christmas Eve, I was what you would call... exhausted! I wasn't excited at all for Christmas Eve - even though this is the big holiday for the family. I got home and laid in bed with Allie and the puppies and watched Dexter season 1. Dexter literally gave me anxiety watching that show. I don't understand it. They talk about it at work and they say "You'll like it! He kills bad guys!" But, I do not like it! He KILLS! And the people in the show are so rude and weird. I mean, none of these people are real people. And, as I said, I literally had an anxiety attack watching the show thinking that something bad was going to happen to me or someone I know! This did not put me in the Christmas spirit and, I declared: CHRISTMAS IS RUINED. This became one of the 2 family phrases of the evening. Whenever anything went wrong, not our way, not as planned or was just weird someone would say CHRISTMAS IS RUINED! No hot water for my shower? CHRISTMAS IS RUINED. My father is using the iron in my room? CHRISTMAS IS RUINED! No ladylock cookies? CHRISTMAS IS RUINED! Adam is wearing a white belt? CHRISTMAS IS RUINED! That's how that worked.

You are probably familiar with the second favorite phrase as you have probably heard it on the TV. It is: "Hey you dang woodchucks! QUIT CHUCKING MY WOOD!". This phrase was born when Allie was trying to get Lincoln's attention. See, we love Lincoln, but he's a little bit of an idiot. He doesn't know his own name. I actually think he thinks his name is "Treat!" because that is literally the ONLY thing he will come to. So, in puppy fashion, Lincoln will steal things and run and with them or chew them and you can't get him to stop by yelling his name "LINCOLN!" because, well, he doesn't know that is his name. You also cannot go after him because he thinks you are playing chase and he will always be faster than you. So, Allie decided to startle him and would yell "HEY YOU! QUIT CHUCKING MY WOOD!". That would certainly get his attention and give you just enough time to get away from him whatever he was chewing. I enjoyed this phrase and started using it on humans - and, just like with Lincoln, it get's their attention.



So, if someone were to exclaim CHRISTMAS IS RUINED! Someone eventually would cry back "HEY YOU! QUIT CHUCKING MY WOOD" and that was pretty much an endless circle of conversation in my household while getting ready for Christmas Eve.

Dinner at Christmas Eve was pretty standard - lasagna was present and that is all I ate. There were also some deviled eggs (which I love) but someone put an olive on top of them (which I hate) and since Nanny didn't make them there was no bacon in them (which I missed). I was at a kid's table and got to listen to my cousins Conor and Sarah be so excited for Santa to come and did I think they were getting an iTouch!!???!!! I mean - what 8 and 10 year old needs an iTouch? Oh, I know - NONE OF THEM! But, sure enough, Santa got them just that.

The real main course of Christmas Eve is the grab bag. I don't really know how the tradition started, but my family does a grab bag every year and it really does bring in a lot of laughs. I think other people call grab bags pollyanna or white elephant, but it's all the same. Everyone gets a gift ($25), wraps it, and sets it in the middle. The details around the game change each year when Uncle Muff, Cousin Tom and my Dad decide the rules between dinner and dessert.

There are typically rules around who goes first (age, birthday, random number assignments), what questions you can ask about the gift (Will I like this? Is it for a Male or a Female? Who brought this?), there are rules around stealing (sometimes if you see something you like already opened you can take someone elses present!) and then there is always a catch (last year it was pass your present to the right at the end of the game). Whatever the rules are, there is always a lot of excitement building up to who will get the best gift and who will get the worst gift. We've had some doozies of worst gifts, and I've even received two of them. One year I got a paper shredder (I don't know who thought THAT was a good idea for a gift) and then one year... I caused a little scene over my gift, which happened to be a Nativity Scene.

Everyone opens a gift one at a time and has to show the room (in case they want to steal it later). After I opened up the Nativity Scene and had a good laugh, becuase, really, this was a joke, right? I said to my Mother "Who the hell puts this in the grabbag. THERE ISN'T EVEN A GIFT RECIPET! THIS IS THE WORST GIFT EVER. I don't want this!" To which cousin Kevin, who was next to me, listening closely, says "I put that in". Woops. Insert foot in mouth. That was pretty hard to back track, but I told him I was just kidding and a Nativity Scene was a beautiful gift and I couldn't wait to display it in my apartment at school! Which, I did just that for my entire senior year - the Nativity Scene was out next to the TV and got lots of year round viewing!

Anyway, back to 2010 grab bag - I was very excited because I definitely had potential to have the best gift! I spent 2 hours that morning folding money into a wreath.



Twenty-five one dollar bills. I was certain I was going to be a star! So, when it was time to start the grab bag, I was surprised that my stardom came early when my Uncle Muff asked me to be the Grab Bag Apprentince and record the numbers and rules! This is a position never held before, and if it was corporate world Grab Bag I'm pretty sure it would be called "Admin", but I was the night's apprentince and got to call out numbers and tell people when it was their turn.

My money wreath was a hit and was passed around and I got lots of compliments on being so creative. But, the best gift ended up being a Coach wristlet and the worst gift ended up being the Man Survival Guide. I ended up with popcorn buckets. Which, would generally be a CHRISTMAS IS RUINED situation, but, there was a catch! Random numbers had been selected prior to the start of the game and people had to trade their presents... There were, probably 25 trades. I went from the popcorn buckets, to a candle holder... to..... THE COACH WRISTLET! CHRISTMAS WAS SAVED!! I have never been SO HAPPY to steal something than I was when I took the wristlet from my Aunt Kristen who, truth be told, can go buy her own damn wristlet!!!! I snatched that wristlet up so quick, did a little bit of a rubbing it in her face dance and went back to my seat to pray I wouldn't have to switch again! And I didn't!! Christmas was saved! I got the best gift I could get! My given gift was passed around and oohed and ahhed! And all was right in the world! Except... my Grandma got the guide book to Man Survival Skills. That was weird. But, at least she now knows how to survive a typhoon.

After the grabbag, excitement usually dies down. But not this year. My Grandma called over cousin Patrick and told him something along the lines of "Most kids go through a gawky stage, and yours lasted longer than others. And you were looking kind of homely, but you turned out ok". Poor Patrick. Everyone at the table awkward laughed, but I guess my Grandma didn't pick up on the awkward part of the laugh and mistook this for encouragement and kept going on and on about how ugly Patrick was and how worried she was for him but thankfully he isn't still ugly and turned out ok. Poor Pat! That was a pretty long five minutes, and it was nearly impossible to get her to stop. So we had to leave.

Just kidding, that isn't why we had to leave - but it was a pretty good time for eveyone to disperse.

In... the 1990's or early 2000's Santa hit a bad storm and had to come to our house on Christmas Eve to deliver presents so he didn't get "bogged down", per his note. It was only later we learned that my parents were sick of us waking them up at 6AM to go open presents. So- thus started the Miller Family tradition of Christmas presents on Christmas Eve. Which, after we left Aunt Rosemary's is exactly what we did when we got home.

I anticipated no surprises since I had to wrap all gifts, including my own. I had asked for luggage, and knew I was getting it, but was under the impression I was picking it out during after Christmas shopping. Imagine my surprise when my parents actually managed to surprise me by wheeling in beautiful new luggage!!! Huge surprise!! Isn't it beautiful!!??



Other Christmas highlights were a drill for my dad, an iPod for my mom, a Penguins Jersey for Adam, puppy steps for Allie, and a scarf for Matt.

Which, let's timeout for a minute - how stupid is wrapping Christmas presents? I mean, especially in my family. Some of those presents weren't wrapped 12 hours before we were tearing into them and throwing them away. I don't know how the wrapping industry managed it - but they are quite a success. People love wrapping paper. I prefer bags. They are just easier. And you can recylce them!

Christmas was a success in the Miller house and we all went to sleep and woke up to the phone ringing and my Grandma was ready for church and wanted ALL OF HER GRANDCHILD THERE. Which, we had just woken up. No one was showered or ready, And, no one wanted to go. I know, that's terrible. But, it's the truth. But, we children got ready and were waiting by the door at 10 til and ready to go pick up Grandma. For all of us to get there we needed to take two cars. Me and Adam in one, the rest in the other. We were caravanning to church and all of a sudden my mom drives past the church, turns around at a culdesac and through the back of the window my sister gives us the sign of the cross and they drive off. This was weird and me and Adam had no idea what was going on, so we continued to follow my Mom who drives back home. Apparently, we had missed Christmas mass. Which, "In 76 years I have NEVER missed MASS!!" according to my Grandma. So, my Poppy gave her the sign of the cross, and then we all enjoyed a Christmas breakfast before heading to Carcars for the real deal!

Getting Christmas dinner ready was a debacle with my Grandma who may or may not have issues with her short term memory, my Aunt Rosemary who purposefully turns her hearing aids off, Nanny who is slightly obsessive, and my Aunt Carcar who probably had a strong glass of vodka to get her through the kitchen times. I didn't go up there to see how things were going, but the air was tense and the filet was dry.

And that was Christmas. Are you as exhausted from reading that as I am from recapping that??

Now, the good stuff. THREE. NEW. FOLLOWERS. HELLO!!! This is amazing!! I'm one away from 50!!! And 2010 ends tomorrow!!! Who is going to get me number 50!?? ROCK On!

47: Larry. Do not call him Larbear. Larry is from work, and, ladies, he is handsome. And tall! And I full court pressed him via work messaging today to be my 47th follower. He wanted to wait and be 50, but, as we discussed, 47 is a prime number. And 4 plus 7 is 11. And his birthday is in November. And, 47 just fits!

48: CHRIS LUCAS - PENNSTATEFTG! Fellow blogger. There are not enough words to introduce Chris Lucas to those of you that don't know him. Just know that not only is he one of the smartest people I know, he is also one of the funniest - a rare gem and a REAL CATCH for fiance Liz!! I'm still so happy for you too!

49: Jonathan!! Oh my gosh! Imagine my excitement when you answered my facebook plea and said you would follow! The best part is, for the rest of you, while reading the Austin recap (YES! He is THAT J2!) he was shushed for laughing and then asked to leave the coffee shop. Are you imagining his laugh? Yes, it is THAT TBS funny!!

One more day for number 50. Who will be the one??? One more post in 2010! Come on fifty!!

PS: Let's, real quick, talk about my spelling errors. As hard as it may be to believe, I do proof these entries. But, I mean, I live it, mentally draft it and then write it and then I'm seeing what I meant to write and I don't see the errors. Until it's too late. For example, my last post - why did I keep writing gentlemAn? That isn't what I meant! I know it's gentlemEn! So, while thinking about these spelling errors (and all previous other ones) I came to the following conclusion: The spelling errors are like my hair. I spend time curling and fixing it in the morning. But, by lunch time, sometimes it falls and I catch my reflection in the mirror and think "Oh, that's not how I left the house" but then I think "Megan, you still have great hair!" and I don't care that my hair isn't curled as much... or that I have spelling errors in my blog. Because, it's still good.

12/28/2010

I hate Pittsburgh cabs.

Hi Followers and Non-Followers (who I hate!) -- I hope you had a very Merry Christmas!! (Or a great Saturday for my non-Christmas followers and non followers (who I hate less, but still hate) since I am so pro-diversity!!)

What a whirlwind the past week has been - I'm still exhausted and looking forward to finishing this 3-day week and sleeping in on Friday! Things are really slow at work, but, I need to be there and the day just drags and I'm not holding out much hope for the rest of the week....

Pittsburgh was so great! You all know about the serious Miller time that was had the weekend of the 17th, which takes us to the 22nd... I believe. I raged on the 22nd and it was such a great time! All kinds of emails and texting and calling going on and it was decided that Shadyside was the spot and was I going to come? Of course! The big decision was deciding if I was going to rage or not and Andy told me they were already taking shots and that I should come prepared... so I had to ask Sister Allie to take me to Shadyside.... Pause.

I think a good number of you know Sister Allie, or have at least heard of her. She is generally a good time, but she has these terrible mood swings that I don't think she has ever admitted to. She's probably having one right now reading this... but, luckily it's my blog and these are all things she knows I think. Anyway, one minute she is a great time, the next... well.. I'd rather be outside tailgating a cold Steeler game with no jacket than facing the unpredictable wrath of Allie. Play.

So, Allie was all "Yes, sure, ok, I'll take you to Shadyside" and then there was a delay and all of a sudden she was "GOD MEGAN. YOU ARE THIRTY MINUTES LATE! YOU ARE RUINING EVERYTHING, I WAS GOING TO GO CLEAN MATT'S HOUSE! GET IN THE CAR! YOU OWE ME $20 FOR GAS MONEY! GOD!" But, I needed the ride to SS, so I just tuned her out and got in the car, sans gas money because that is crazy. She wouldn't even let me stop to grab a case of beer for the friends since I had RUINED EVERYTHING!!!! Anyway, she drops me off at Andy/Kolan's and raging begins. I check my phone 30 minutes later and I have a text message that I know if Allie was saying it to me it would have been in all caps but since she texted it, well, it wasn't... and it said "Don't ask me for anything ever again.... Lincoln puked on me in the car".

Pause: First what does the dog puking have anything to do with me? Second: The dog is 15 pounds and I'm sure his puke is a hiccup and takes one paper towel to clean up. Third: She was going to clean her boyfriend's house so she HAD THE CLEANING SUPPLIES WITH HER!

Double Pause: There are a lot of Matt's in my house. Brother Matt. Uncle Matt. Boyfriend Matt 1 (of Allie) and Boyfriend Matt 2 of Kelly. Their names at family events are Matt Son, Uncle Matt and Boyfriend Matt. Boyfriend Matt 2 was not present for family affairs so we did not confuse the two Boyfriend Matts.

Play.

Anyway, Allie, that night, stopped doing "nice things" for "everyone" because Lincoln (her dog) puked on her. With the exception of the Daly's (who have a weird nonstop friendly family) I imagine anyone else with a sister has experienced this. But not Allie - because I'm the best, most level-headed sister in the whole wide world!!! LOVE YOU AL JAZEERA! (Yes, Allie's nickname in my house is after a Middle East news station.)

Back to raging! It has been since... NEVER.. that I have had this mixture of favorite gentleman all together ever!

Andy Miller: He was a 5th roommate Junior year Spring in the 512. People referred to us as "The Millers". My dad uses the word "bubbly" to describe him. We were non stop friends until he started dating Dodo Baby or Doface or whatever he called her. I knew it was over when instead of showing me his new computer he left the 512 to go camping on Mount Nittany with her. They broke up. He left for Australia the following semester and we quickly replaced him with a new 5th roommate: Cone.

Matt McCowan: Total babe that lives in Houston. We are going to be so very great friends in 2011, better than in 2010!! We start most conversations to each other with "You are handsome/beautiful" or "You are so great". Matt McCowan is very manly and you might have seen him chopping wood before. Or fixing something.

Sam Merrit: Of all my favorite gentleman, I don't know that I have ever had a beverage alone with Smerrit! But, he is definitely the times. Even the time I visited in Charlotte and there was nonstop football and toddler action... All. Day. Long. Follow the Smerrit on Twitter at Smerrit324. He was cold, now I'm not sure what he is. Even though Lisa coined "Smerrit" (which is really genius and very funny), I named Sleepy Sam which is the version of Sam that goes to bars and sleeps standing up, but still not as good as Smerrit.

Peter Chalfin: Pretty much all of my followers are familiar with Chalfin as he is the author of No More Babes and has guest starred in a variety of posts. Pete says he only sometimes skims my posts for his name, but I know that he actually reads my blogs and probably chuckles to himself more than he will admit to me. Peter - you need a haircut.

Anyway!!! It was SO GREAT! to have these four gentleman in the same place at one time!! I feel like I should make special mention of Kolan who was not a favorite in college (because we just didn't cross paths all the time) but is an allstar post college even though he is always studying in Medical School and didn't know about the BP oil spill until ten days later since he wasn't watching the news. I am now aware of how funny Kolan is, now that he is a post college Pittsburgh friend.

Anyway again! We raged all night on the 1st floor and 2nd floor and just chat chat chatted and laughed so hard! It was great to have Amber, follower 45 or 46 present because a month or two ago she randomly met Peter at a bar and said she wasn't allowed to have a crush on him because I called dibs on Peter if he ever moved to Pittsburgh. Peter told me this story and, I must admit, I called him a liar. Finally, all three of us were in one place to settle the score and Amber did confirm that she said I called dibs on Peter if he ever moved to Pittsburgh and I had to apologize to Pete for 1) calling him a liar and 2) adamantly telling him I would never call dibs on him. Ever. Either way, I absolved said dibs (which I think Amber is making up). More to come on Romance 2011 between Amber and Peter. Oh my god, is my blog a matchmaker!!?

McCowan, for some reason, tried to matchmake me with a tall blond man who was so so skinny and had a stutter. Thanks, McCowan. He says his mother/father have a Penn State history and this is why he is named Calder. McCowan finds this hard to believe. I think that is something weird to make up, so I believe it. I had a hard time getting out of the conversation, because, for whatever reason, at this point in time I didn't want to be rude (weird, I know). But, I became distracted when a man with a mohawk appeared in the corner of my eye and I just had to tell him how much I loved his mohawk. I don't think, in reality, I was in love with the mohawk - but it did catch my eye. And I started chatting with this man, his name is Scott, but everyone saw me chatting with him and called him my Mohawk boyfriend well into the next day. Scott Mohawk thinks he is misunderstood because a lot of people think he likes punk music, but really he likes rap. When the group was leaving, I was obviously leaving with them and I said "Bye Scott, so nice to meet you" and he placed an aggressive hand on my hip and said "No, stay" and I said "No thanks! Those are my friends! Bye!!" And he said "What if I kidnap you?" and I said "Scott, don't you think that is a little aggressive for a first meeting?" And while he thought this over, I left to go to MK's place in the Southside for the slumber party.

At the slumber party, me and Amber decided we wanted gyros and Tom told us to make three rights and MK said to make three lefts and in our state we couldn't decide which way to go and why one of them was lying to us. We picked three rights and got gyros and cheese fries and they were so good! The next morning, always logical McCowan explained to us that because we were on one block three lefts of three rights would get us to the same place. Whatever, McCowan.

I woke up and left early Thursday morning because I had to go turn into a person before we started to tailgate the Steeler's game that afternoon. MK was a total allstar and scored 2 gold parking tickets and organized a beautiful so great tailgate on the COLDEST DAY OF THE YEAR!!!! More on that later...!

We all ended up back at MKs around 1 and Jarrod came too! We had bloody marys and mimosas and pretzels and treats and had a great kitchen hang session. Upon Jarrod's immediate arrival giggling started and did not stop until MK kicked us out the next day. (OK, she didn't really kick us out, but I bet she was glad when we left). Jarrod came dressed in all of his dad's winter hunting gear and brought with him the most disgusting wart on his finger that I have ever seen. During his first sip of mimosa, I realized something and said it was a Christmas miracle to which Jarrod spit mimosa everwhere and had slobber on his chin and thus the saying of the day became "It's a Christmas miracle!!" and the giggling picked up from there. 15 minutes before we had to leave to go to the parking lot, we were given instructions to layer up since it would be cold. I brought just as many layers as the game from the previous Saturday but was still so freezing. The rest of the group thought they didn't need jackets so they were even more freezing. We got to the lots just as they opened and there were no cars protecting us from wind and it.was.so.cold. I mean, think of the coldest you have been, and we were colder. This is when the phrase "tote mizzing" aka totally miserable came into play because, even though we were having lots of laughs, the second you stopped laughing you remembered how cold you were and you wanted to die until the next laugh came on. Luckily - me and Jarrod are giggle champions and that kept us alive.

Also keeping us alive were secret trips to the bathroom in the bar and ordering a drink and enjoying it while you could feel your hands because there was heat in the bar! Going to the bathroom was only worth it for the drink because getting all the layers off and manuevering the bathroom with all your coats and things was nearly impossible!

We had an awesome spot next to a van that was a DJ booth and played great tunes the entire time with lots of lights. Emmadon made a guest appearance (Thank GOD and more on that later) and douggied on the roof. It was dangerous and I'm not sure why she did that, but she seemed to be having a great time up there on that sketchy van roof. I also lip kissed an elf that was on roof. Except, he wasn't a real elf, just dressed like one.

There was so much food, but pretty much all of it froze throughout the day. Except the kilbosi and kraut which was SO GOOD (I had three) and was finished with no third degree burns. (Some of you may recall Notre Dame 08 in which kraut was flung from the crockpot and left 3rd degree bur on Natalie's neck - the scar is still there today). The best part of the meal was when the grill was turned on because we would place our bare hands on top of it for warmth. You know it's cold when the grill is only "warm". There were also these propane heaters which if you got to close, they would burn and melt your clothing - this did happen to a jacket (not mine) and gloves (Jarrods - except, he was asking for it since he was so close to the burn!). By the time the beer was half 3/4 of the way gone (just 8 cases, no big deal) and the gin bucket was in it's final moments, people were really very cozy and flip cup sans gloves was an acceptable game. I did get voted off the first time (my hands were still frozen) but did manage to prove my worth once I was allowed to play again.

For kickoff we ventured to a bar, grabbed a table and had a great time. Sleep Sam showed up about this time and we made it to halftime when energy was running low and we thought maybe some of us should pack up and head back with Sleepy Sam - just grab a cab, NBD, right? WRONG.

We waited 2 hours for a cab. This was complete tote mizzing. Me, Jarrod, Emma and Sleepy Sam tried and tried to get a cab and we had NO LUCK. It was miserable. The cold is picking up, the hangover is setting in and all we want to do it get back to MK's place. No luck. Do you know how long two hours is to hail a cab? LONG! I fell asleep in a hotel lobby waiting and also on the curb waiting. I walked to the overpass to get a cab and came back empty handed. At 30 minutes, Chris Lucas shows up IN A CAB and gets out and lets it go. Another 90 minutes passes and Emma, for some reason, decided to call her dad and we have to run all over Pittsburgh to find the right intersection and get in the car. We finally get word of his location and start walking towards him. During the walk JARROD TRIPS ME. My reflexes were not the best. I fell down like a tree falls down. Straight. Flat. There had to have been a thump. My chin hit the pavement! There were people everywhere. In my head I'm worried 1) DID I BREAK MY TEETH? and 2) I AM GOING TO KILL JARROD! He did not care because he was too busy laughing with Chris Lucas. My hands were scraped. My knees were (are still) bruised. It was mortifying. Thanks a lot, ya big idiot!!!!

Anyway, over 2 hours later still no cab and Emma's dad picks us up! Can you believe that? We get dropped off and all of a sudden Sleepy Sam is gone and Smerrit is back but I'm still tote mizzing and I just want inside. We get to the door and everyone has a strange feeling pass over them that there is no key. 30 seconds of WHO HAS THE KEY!? OPEN THE DOOR! I HAVE IT! GET IT OPEN NOW! ensues. Jarrod and I get the futon and snuggle away into the night after I popped two advil and a major glass of water.

Fastforward to 8... 9am? IT IS SO HOT. We were sleeping under the vent and just dying! Usually me and Jarrod spoon and I S his B (scratch his back) but we slept at opposite ends of the futon not touching at all. Smerrit even laid down on the kitchen tile after changing into shorts because he was so hot too! McCowan slept movie naked (per Tom Fisher, which means pants, no shirt) and he said it was cold on the floor. Either way, me and Jarrod started talking talking talking and even got Lucas in on the chatting. People slowly started to wake up and take things out of the cars and shower and turn into people... but not me and Jarrod. We sat at the counter while such great hostess MK made us delightful cinnamon rolls and coffee for breakfast. Except, I don't drink coffee. So she gave me a two liter of Diet Coke. And Jarrod and I sat there until that 2 liter was finished (much to the amazement of the group). When we got to the holy Last Sip - Pause:

The Last Sip is a running joke in 512 with Cone because he is a Diet Coke afficianado like myself. I don't know why we decided the last sip was so great, because I think, traditionally, people think that is all backwash, but, regardless, we did. We called Cone and told him we were saving the Last Sip from a 2 liter and to HURRY OVER. Which he did. Except, we were not saving him the Last Sip at all, just an empty bottl. Well, when Cone got there and saw the stunt we had pulled, well, he was not happy.

Play: When we got to the Last Sip we decided to bequeath it to roommate Vannessa because she had, whether she knows it or not, been laughing at me and Jarrod which helped our self-esteem and encouraged our goofing off. We made her kneel in front of us, we said some words and made her chug the Last Sip from the bottle. It was glorious. Roommate Vanessa is funny. Once the two liter was finished, me and Jarrod decided it was time to go. To take our things, our injured bodies and head home.

And that takes us to Christmas Eve - but that also takes us to the end of a long post. Stay tuned.

PS - People, I'm so close to 50! JLH! Follow me! Rohrbach! Follow me!! I need FOUR MORE FOLLOWERS!! If you THINK you are following me but I haven't introduced you to the rest of my followers, you are NOT following me! Can I get 50 followers by 2011?? Please!!??? :)

12/19/2010

it's miller time... seriously.

What a weekend!! But let's start with Thursday -- you know how I've been baking?? Well, Thursday was the day I finally took everything in to work. All in all there were seven types of amazing baked goods including: red velvet cake balls, buckeyes, peanut butter blossoms, tree bark, sugar cookies, chocolate/caramel pretzels and mini oreo cheesecakes. I was a hit! I pretended like it was no big deal that I made all these amazing treats and soaked up all the compliments all afternoon long -- paying no mind to the fact that my kitchen was covered in powdered sugar from floor to ceiling cabinets. I especially liked this thank you email:

Thank you so much for the sweets. Although I don't nomally trust skinney cooks, I will make the exception for you! Your treats were fabulous. My kids will love the treat bag I fixed for them too. You will make a great mother with your treat making ability.

"I will make a great mother with my treat making ability." - Not exactly what I was going for, but, whatever, I'll take the compliment!

Friday morning I had a 6am flight to catch which... I still am not sure what that was a good idea?? I had to be up around 3:15 am and out the door by 4am. That was the pits. I was so hungry by the time I got into the airport that I pretty much tailgated the McDonald's to get a stupid breakfast sandwich. I was definitely not feeling the morning. I got so cozy at gate 4 only to be moved to gate 14 and my happy level continued to decrease. I was not friendly Megan. I got on the plane, and having real luck I got an awesome exit row seat with no seat in front of me - for all my long legged followers.... how amazing is that!? I slept the first part of the plane ride into a stop in Little Rock where we let some people off the plane and other people on the plane. This is where the flight attendants allowed us to change seats (but not me since I had a great exit row seat) and an attractive scruffy man moved from the row behind me and in to my row.

Now, let me say this - I was flying Southwest which really brings me up and takes me down. I think it is great that for as crazy as irresponsible and terrible that most adults are, the fact that we can all line up in numbered order without fighting or causing a scene is pretty impressive: Everyone knows there place and they just go to it. But, then there is the whole unassigned seat thing which is a total popularity contest and makes me really nervous because no one good ever sits next to me. I get all the crazies, stinkies and weirdos.

But not on Friday. I got an attractive - which was nice, even if it was 8 o'clock in the morning. I also got a man who was wearing a deer camo hat in the seat in front of me that was also going to Pittsburgh. But, thankfully, I didn't have to think up weird deer hunting conversation for the rest of the plane ride from Little Rock to Chicago.

Like the time in Chattanooga that I took a cab home from the airport, but it was the last cab so I had to share it. And I was convinced they were going to murder me. And also that the cab driver was drinking. And they were talking about killing and gutting deer or whatever you do to them. And then they dropped the guy I was sharing with first but he was parked in the sketchiest lot ever off the side of the highway and I thought "This is it. They are going to kill me". I got my phone out, but did not dial 911 since, well, obviously, I'm still here. But it was the sketchiest thing ever, especially since I knew they were gun owners and used them. So scary.

Anyway, on the 2nd part of the flight a man from the row behind me moved into my row. He was the attractive and he was named Patrick and was very cautious at first - not moving directly into the seat next to me, just into my row. Once the attendants announced that it would be a full flight he moved next to me and we started chat chat chatting. I was probably more of bratty Megan than I was of charming Megan... but he was definitely enjoyable conversation until we landed in Chicago. I then walked with him to my layover gate and he left the airport to rage with what I think he said was a brother and a cousin, ll recently single.

New friend Patrick did not ask for my number (he is living in Dallas), but did ask me to join his professional network on Linkedin. I did ask him to follow my blog, but I guess he isn't since my new followers are not him. BUT! Merry early Christmas to me with three new followers!!!! Alice was number 44 and she is roommate Michelle's friend from EC. I believe most people from EC are crazy and I assume it has something to do with the water, because, seriously they are something else. But... Alice must only drink Brita because she's normal. And she's brown. Follower 45 is cousin Jessie from Philadelphia that had the amazing July wedding with the so great band! And 46 is Amber from Penn State who is a total wild child always having the times and great at raging.

I arrived in Pittsburgh 10 minutes early but it still took 35 minutes for the luggage for my flight to show up. Southwest had 4 flights' luggage at one carousel. People seriously cheered and clapped once my flights' luggage arrived. Brother Matt picked me up and we started to head home but my mom called and asked us to run some errands. My house is 30 minutes from the airport and it was pretty much a 2.5 hour ride home. Which took up precious getting ready time since Friday night was the second annual Cousins Night Out (CNO). CNO started last year now that there are enough Miller cousins to go out and rage. There is also a favorite uncle portion of the CNO in which one or maybe two uncles are allowed to come out with us and purchase the first round of drinks - such a treat for them. Last year it was my Dad and Uncle Tom. This year it was my dad who got us three hotel rooms in the Southside - and reached Gold Elite Marriott member status = amazing. We went to a piano bar and a hole in the wall bar and had a great time! Cousin Lexi did not win cousin of the year but is 3 for 3 when it comes to the drunk cousin. (Jim made sure his kids were not the drunks and made us all get carbs from Subway before we left) I said this to her brother and he said that Lexi gets a bad rap, but I'm pretty sure it is consistent. Let's examine:

1) Ryan and Jaci's wedding - Lexi got wasted. Aunt Jean also got wasted. The night ended with Lexi vomming in the bathroom and Aunt Jean being taken to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. Aunt Jean was in her 70s. Lexi was 20.

2) Jessie and Gibber's wedding - Lexi decided to not eat dinner. And then got wasted. Could not keep her eyes open and could not sit up straight. When given water she tossed it back at her brother. She was escorted out be her parents before any vomming was seen. Cousin Timmy tried to get wasted, but was not served.... must have been his braces. Lexi was 21. Timmy was 18.

3) Cousins Night Out. Wasted. Refused to drink water.

So, looking forward to next CNO for total raging times! When we all came home (Millers of Munhall = just my famiy, cousins were left at the hotel) we had lunch times with the family and took pictures of Lincoln with Diet Coke. He is so cute!!

Saturday was Miller family party at Aunt Sue's. It was pretty much regular family times. I hate saying this, but, there was not one good Christmas cookie. Well, not any that I liked. Do you realize how hard it is to come by GOOD Christmas cookies? That's all I have to say on that!

Sunday was the Steeler's game and Aunt Sue and Uncle Jack had a tailgate and Allie had tickets to the game from work. It was SO cold!! I mean, I was bundled up... but it was so cold! And, believe it or not, I don't have any Steelers gear! So we ran to JCP (my favorite store) and purchased some Steeler gear except the woman at the register was a TOTAL B. She tried to get me to open a charge, no thank you, and when I wouldn't she wouldn't take my coupon! And I was too much in a rush to give her my piece of mind but when I got home I read the coupon and she was wrong. So now I'm drafting a terrible letter in which I plan on naming her and her poor terrible service. I'll show her. B.

The Steeler game was so great! We raged. I had to take a timeout in the car to warm up a little bit which ruined my cool cousin status. That really hurt me. So, when brother Adam knocked my homemade pierogie on the floor... well.... I picked it up and ate it. I got some cool cousin points for that. And then I took the first swig of Captain out of the handle and got bumped up to cousin of the day (year) whatever, whose keeping score? I won. That's all that matters. You know the rest of the story with the Steelers game... bummer.

And now it's Tuesday! I went grocery shopping with my Grandma today... she may or may not be having memory issues. Pretty much any time spent grocery shopping is a check plus for me in the Heaven column. I now know the recipe for stuffed pepper soup and clam chowder soup backwards and forwards. For 25 items, with a list, we were in the store for 90 minutes. 90 minutes. And she still thinks I have to go back and get whatever she forgot.

This week I am looking forward to sleeping, baking, eating and tailgating at the Steelers game on Thursday with some Penn Staters. Also, looking forward to designing the one year anniversary tshirt for my blog.


OH!! I wanted to share a song with you!! Remember when I went to the wedding with Peter in ... May?... of this year? That is when we decided to not call each other babe anymore since it was confusing to outsiders and may have prevented people from approaching us because they think we are dating when we are not. Well, Pete wrote a catchy song to the tune of Jingle Bells that I want to share with you...

No More Babes

Riding in my car
After the big wedding day
Of my good friend Gar
Laughing all the way

With Megan next to me
We had an epiphany
That will help Megan’s husband search
And find a future wife for me!

(Chorus)
No more babes! No more babes!
Michelle is gonna flip!
Who would have thought this wedding
Would be such a historic trip?

No more babes! No more babes!
What took us so long?
We must quickly spread the word
Through this catchy song.

We got lost trying to find Sheetz
Then found it and got some eats
Then it was off to the Holiday Inn
For the party to begin!

We checked in the hotel
Kozzy stayed in our room
Megan wished she was the bride
And that Kozzy was her groom

No more babes! No more babes!
Things will never be the same.
Now that I think about it
Does Kerri even know my name?

No more babes! No more babes!
This might be hard to do
Calling Lisa Lisa
Is not something I’m used to

Last night was lots of fun
I mean, we had such the times
I’ll tell you what transpired

With these little rhymes

Drew’s date wore a boot
**** ****’s date dressed like a slut
Mohn’s date was Asian
How cute was Kozzy’s butt?!

No more babes! No more babes!
What will everyone do?
I’m worried the 512 girls
Will instead just call me “Jew”

No more babes! No more babes!
Chaos will ensue
After I inform the girls
This means no lip kiss too

I learned about Twilight
Despite my best attempt to fight
But if someone quizzed me
I don’t know how much I could recite

Then it started to rain
At a rate that was insane
It was so freaking hard to see
I could barely stay in the lane

Megan started to freak out
She began to scream and shout
But I made it to the Miller house
Where I kicked loud Megan out!

No more babes! No more babes!
What will LH call me?
Tune into Fox next week
To hear this song on Glee

No more babes! No more babes
Effective Immediately!
Megan put this on your blog
So the whole world can see!

He is so great! I will have to dig up my birthday poem to also share with all of you. Oh, and, Pete is writing a book about a roadtrip in Pennsylvania and Abitcattywampus.blogspot.com plans on endorsing the book, once he is able to provide me the title of the book.

12/14/2010

race relations

Even as I mentally drafted this post, I was worried about how it would come across. I'm even going to have a minority friend read this and tell me if it is bad or not (Pause: I've received a "go" on the posting from my minority editor. Play). After I write and publish this post, I probably can never run for political office. (Which is ok, because I'm way too pretty to be a politician and don't want to deal with all of your crap anyway) And, actually, my future husband can probably never run for office either. And I'm sure the children I don't want won't be able to run for office because this will surface and people will misquote me... but, let me just say, before we go any further: I LOVE MINORITIES! All kinds. I mean - there is no minority that I don't wish I knew more about. Or just knew more of them in general. Especially Native Americans - we forget about them so much. I mean - casinos? Hello! My favorite werewolf is a Native American (Team Jacob, duh). I also lip kissed a Native American once. Those were the days.

Anyway, yesterday, at work... I called someone by the wrong name. She happened to be black. And the name I called her was the name of another black person. And even though there are just too many people in this office to remember all their names, and there are only so many times a day I can say "Hey, you...". Well, now I'm worried that people (them) will think I confused them because they are black. And not because I just haven't learned their names yet. They also sit right next to each other. Has this happened to you!? Do other people worry about this?!

My aunt thinks I shouldn't call "Indians" "browns". She apparently thinks that can be misconstrued as... well... bad. But I told her, I KNOW A LOT OF BROWNS! And, besides, I'm a white person. Why can't they be brown persons? If this is offensive - someone needs to tell me. And not encourage me.

I also worry a lot about death. And, it's not that I worry about it, it's just that I'm always aware of it. And teeth. One of my biggest fears is that me, or someone near me, or someone I know, will go up or down the stairs (cement) with their hands in their pockets and trip and just CRACK ALL OF THEIR TEETH OUT. Right there. In front of me. With their hands in their pockets. Can you imagine anything worse??? I can't. And before you say "Megan, you have a wild imagination and that is very far fetched" or think it's funny to go up and down the stairs near me with your hands in your pockets, let me tell you this: I met someone that this happened to. She had the good fortune of being drunk so I don't know how much of the pain she remembers, but imagine waking up with no front teeth. Being a grown up and missing your FRONT TEETH. Oh my gosh. I can't think about it anymore.

By the way, have you all listened to my favorite Gaga song: Teeth?

And, where can I get a new follower? I mean... I really want one. Really bad.

12/12/2010

salsaa!

Last week was total crap at work. Seriously. Everything that could go wrong did. I don't know if I was just too close to all the chaos, but I was pretty hectic and TO-ed. By the time Thursday rolled around - pretty much everyone knew. And I was pretty much not hiding it. When asked, I said - yes, this is the worst week since March. And I cannot wait until FRIDAY! I'm not usually a huge TGIF person. I mean, yes, obviously I enjoy the weekends - but I know I need to go through 5 work days before that happens. Anyway. Work was crappy.

And even though I say work was crappy, I still work with nice people. And some characters. At least I didn't want to kill anyone. On Wednesday? Thursday? Something. One of the people came up to me and said "Uh, Megan, what would I do if... if I found something?". My face was not amused. I mean - is this really a question? And I'm pretty sure my face said that. I used my words to say "I need you to be a little more specific." She thought and thought and then said "Like, what if I was in the breakroom and saw something... just, saw something somewhere?"

It's like having children. Even though I am a project manager, many people think I'm also the office manager. So I get questions like "Do you have any badge clips?" (which, yes I do) or statements like "I have a doctor's appointment at 2pm and want to take my lunch then" (I'm not your manager so I don't care where you are or aren't) and I sometimes do things like learn how to install printer ink so the department can continue to function. Jack of all trades, master of none. What will they do without me when the time comes for me to rotate?

Anyway, back to my story -- I get questions like "Like, what if I was in the breakroom and saw something... just, saw something somewhere?" and it doesn't shock me that they think I'm the one that will fix the problem, just the types of problems they manage to find. I, nicely, say "I'm going to need you to be more specific or I cannot help you." Now there is a group of them and I know everyone knows what is going on BUT me and it worries me. She finally says "There is a mouse in the break room, behind the ice machine." To which I respond "WhhhAATT!!!! WhAT IS IT DOING THERE!!!???" Panic. Obviously. Probably why she tried to be so vague from the get go. And she goes "I know you aren't a country girl, but, it's fine. It's just a mouse. And it's petrified."

Not a country girl? Correct. Petrified: past tense of pet·ri·fy (Verb) 1. To make (someone) so frightened that they are unable to move or think.

I then say "Oh my gosh! Poor thing! It must be so scared! I'll call facilities"

To which she responds "No, not scared. Petrified. It's been dead since October." Petrified: past tense of pet·ri·fy (Verb) 2. Change (organic matter) into a stony concretion by encrusting or replacing its original substance with a calcareous, siliceous, or other mineral deposit.

Seriously? After I think this through and they all laugh at me being sad for a scared mouse which is really a REALLY DEAD mouse I say -- "It's been dead since OCTOBER? AND YOU ARE JUST TELLING ME NOW? YUK!"

There is now commotion in the break room because everyone wants to see the mouse. I do NOT want to see the mouse, so I call facilities. And then I gather everyone around and say - If you find a DEAD RODENT CALL FACILITIES IMMEDIATELY. Who REALLY needs to say that out loud? The woman that brought this to my attention says she will "next time", but she just "forgot". Since October. Forgot. About a dead mouse. Disgusting.

Let's see - what else happened?? Friend Jill from DE office was in town and we caught a drink together. A friend of hers from Syracuse now lives in Austin and drove all the way to Dallas to see her for dinner! That's pretty much a good friend. We enjoyed mambo taxis and chat chat chatting! Jill and friend Ryan were RAs and wrote up freshman. The only thing I'm confused on is that I thought she was bringing me a friend from Dallas - not a friend from 3.5 hours away. But he did pay for our mambo taxis, which was really nice - so I'll consider it a wash.

When Friday rolled around I went Salsa dancing! I went with this group for Dallas transplants that are young professionals. I've gone to one other meetup and I met two girls there that were really nice and pretty (I'm not just going to pick up ugly friends just to have friends). And they were going to this salsa meetup and then I decided to also go. I have not salsa-ed before. I have Zumba-ed though. I get there at 9:30 and there is some awkward chatting with some of the new people, but all in all everyone is normal and having a good time. And then the salsa band starts and it's like nothing I've ever seen before! So much dancing. People are hardcore about this. BUT! It's the most non-threatening environment ever. Everyone is there to dance! So, when short Mexicans asked us if we knew how to salsa (no) and could they teach us (sure thing!) we all were out "salsa-ing" and having a really great time. I did not expect to enjoy the times so much, but before I knew it- it was 1:45 am and I had gotten a serious salsa cardio workout. I still don't know what I'm doing.

The two girls I new from before are Kelly and Carissa. Kelly works as a designer for my most favorite store ever: JCP. And she brought her friend Erin who she said I would really like -- and, I did. I tried not to totally full court press her for friendship, but we did coat check together and exchange numbers at the end of the night. I'm going to try to do a happy hour with them this week to try to secure the friendship. She's really pretty. Maybe too pretty. But a really great time. And she lives in the same area as me. And is considering moving the same month I am.... to the same part of town I'm looking at. Could this be too good to be true? Probably. But - we shall see. I slept until 1pm yesterday. Part salsa dancing exhaustion, mostly work exhaustion. It was glorious.

Girlfriend Sarah -- you have not been replaced (never!). But, you should really try to be better friends before 2011! Is it because I visited for 20 hours? Did Brian tell you to dump me? I can't take it.

Last night I went out with friend Jessica and her friend Hannah for their birthdays. We had a great Taco Diner dinner and went to a bar for a little bit. Both Jessica and friend Hannah are Korean. And so cute and tiny. And then their friend David came who is also Asian (I don't know what kind) and also so tiny! I loved being a minority and saying things like "God, white people....". Hannah lives in St Angelo which they tell me is in Texas and I think me and Jessica will make a summer trip to visit. It will probably be so hot since it's south of DFW.

Now I'm down tot he wire with baking. I've only made 2 batches of cookies. I started the cake balls today and I'm going to do buckeyes also. I have to wait to make the chocolate chip cookies and sugar cookies because I think people would prefer them fresh. I'll just watch the Steelers for now though... and stress over baking later.

12/06/2010

i work with children!!!

This is going to be quick... but I just had to tell SOMEONE!

For work, our staff has to have biographies, and if they sign the release, well, I take their picture and put it in the biography. Today I was taking the bio pictures of some of them and when I went to put them on my computer I realized I didn't bring my cord to connect my camera - fail, because NOW I have to do it at home which I would have rather just not done it at home. I am sitting on my couch, flipping through the pictures and cropping and red eye reducing and putting them in their bios and I get to the last one... and this guy, HE CUT HIS GOATEE INTO A FU MAN CHU MUSTACHE! I clearly don't pay attention to them at work, but SERIOUSLY! He's been in the industry for over fifteen years and he is taking an embarrassing photo that we give to clients!

Children. I work with children.

Oh, I also just ate six Hershey's Mini Goodbars - they are my favorite.

12/05/2010

tis the season!

Everyone has phrases that they say -- I have many. Obviously, "rage" is a favorite. But I have some phrases I use at work. They are: "Honest to God!" "Bummer." and "Tis the Season". I say "tis the season" pretty much all year long - because it's always some type of "season" in my mind - whatever I'm gearing up for - is a season. Except, NOW it really IS the season and I can say "tis the season" pretty much everywhere I go! Like the mall. Or the grocery store. Especially when talking to the checkout person. Checkout people love tis the season.

Macy's shoe department was not ready for the season as evidenced by their total lack of associates in the store and the billions of "football widows" at the mall today. Service was AWFUL. I mean, the department was a mess. People were in the longest line ever. No one was happy. Of the two workers, 1 walked around with a boot she was "putting back" but really she looked like a homeless beggar avoiding work. And the second one was always going to be "right back" but was never right back and never came back with the shoes people were asking for. I was so patient... until... All I wanted to do was exchange my shoes for half a size bigger. I went to one store. None. They sent me to another store who said they had them but didn't have them. Then they said another store had them - and I said NU UH not doing that again - You call them before I drive down there. They called. NO SHOES. So I told slowest woman in the world "Well, I don't understand what is wrong with your system or the stockroom that the computer says you have them and then no one can find them - but that is ridiculous and poor service. Don't bother looking at another store, just return these ones - I don't want them anymore". And she returned them. And apologized. Which I did not accept her apology.I just left. Sans boot. All I want is a flat black not a biker boot. I had to throw away my best boots from Target -- I REALLY wore them out. They were so good to me. If I would have known, I would have bought two pairs last year. But - I didn't. And now I'm sans flat black boot. It's the pits. (Also a favorite phrase of mine.)

I'm not going to say anything about work other than I think they are trying to drive me crazy. Sure, they were so excited to have me back (who wouldn't be) but, seriously, I got used to not answering their terribly obvious questions or requests. This week I had a mentoring call with my mentor. Typically I'm very capable, and usually, multi-tasking. But, I do not multitask on 1:1 calls for obvious reasons - the other person always knows! And it's rude. So I don't do it. Anyway. one of the managers comes up to my desk and is just standing there, looking at me making this "I have a question" face. And I make the "I'm on the phone, can't you see my headset?" face and point. So then she starts writing me a note which I think, ok, I'll check the note in 25 minutes when my call is over. But no, she doesn't leave and makes this "Check the note" face. I am so annoyed at this point. I have 30 minutes a month that are about my development and they can't just leave me the hell alone. SO I have to put my mentor on hold (which is terribly rude of me) and I say "What do you need?". It's like having children. I remember when we were little we'd make notes for my mom when she was on the phone "Can I go to Jessies? Check Yes or No". Well, turns out she wanted this damn booklet that SHE HAD THE WEEK BEFORE SO WHY WOULD I HAVE IT. But, presentation Megan doesn't say that. She says, "I'm sorry, I don't have that. You may want to check with the manager who owns that account." Duh. God.

Now, on top of all the other stuff that I have going on this week, I also have to go to all day training, all week. So - pretty much the longest week ever. Looking forward to it? Not particularly...

Except, follower Jillian is coming to Plano for business and I'm possibly catching a happy hour with her and a friend she has here... who I'm obviously going to try to steal! The friend is a he and she said he's husband material except he isn't tall enough which means he is not husband material. But that's ok - a fun, single friend takes priority over husbands.

After I blogged about not liking my little Christmas tree, I chatted with Ashley for a bit and then had this surge of energy to rearrange my furniture. I don't have so many square feet so there really isn't much to rearrange - but I flipped my love seat and chair and I'm totally loving it! i even put my tree in a new spot that makes it look so cute! Except, then I didn't like my wall art (In June Jarrod told me I have only pictures of flowers and wine and I think it was judgmental and I haven't forgotten it...) So, I went out to get a throw and couch pillows to spice things up and looked at art work and then there was this funky vase think and I needed some Christmas cards and then $202 later... I'm leaving the Home Goods store heavier than I went in there. And then I had to do Christmas shopping - and I think I'm all done!!! Now I just need to get it all up to Pittsburgh.

I'm starting to bake for the office this week to deliver a big cookie tray for everyone. Last year I baked for my team which was about 40 people? This year I don't have a team - technically I am in the same department as a team of about 45, but the rest of the floor is open and they were so nice to me when I got there so I'm adding them in there and then I've been really relying on facilities and security for some things so I can't forget them.... and, well, I think I need to bake for 130 people! So, a cookie a night this week (I'll freeze them in the mean time!) should get me just whee I need to be to deliver an impressive cookie display next Tuesday or Wednesday! Tonight I made peanut butter blossoms - I made them first because they are my favorite and I think I want to eat one (or two) for breakfast tomorrow :) Don't they look so yummy!!

Oh! I got a new friend request! Shane - family friend. He was helping my mom Christmas shop today. She needs all the help she can get when I'm not there bossing things around and crossing things off the list. I don't know if Shane reads my blog, or if me telling my mom we should all shop together spurred it, but it definitely helped my self-esteem (you know how low it gets) to get a new friend request. Still waiting for a follower, so how about one of you secret followers/readers publicly follow me. K thanks!