Meet Follower 27: GHyde

Welcome to the longest addition of Meet My Followers. GHyde whose last name will be removed for legal reasons, was recently mugged. I couldn't wait to break the story to all followers, but I'm sure by now you've already seen a slinged GHyde and know his version of the story.(Which, God bless you because he is a chattier than even YOURS TRULY!).

GHyde really tried to milk his 15 minutes of fame on ABCw by extending the MMF interview to 400+ lines of chat with a break in the middle for Pinkberry with current roommate Gio (HEY GIO!) (And, actually, Gio made Greg hold the umbrella and pump his own ice cream while at Pinkberry - see photo!) and then finishing the gchat with gvideo. Because of this, GHyde's MMF is the most edited of MMF's. I do think I have retained the key aspect of the story.

Without further ado: Followes, Meet GHyde.

me: so GHYDE
you were MUGGED
GHyde: this is true
a week and one day ago today
me: eight days
GHyde: some would say
me: and you were in a coffee shop??
GHyde: No
me: oh rumor mill!
GHyde: I was in front of the bean in millenium park in chicago
bean
coffee
shop... easily confusable
me: ahh
got it
and where you taking a picture
of yourself?
in the bean?
GHyde: I had already done that and i was drinking an intelligista(only served in chicago and LA) iced coffeeand eating a mcmuff at a table in front of the bean
me: alone?
GHyde: yes
me: where was your phone
GHyde: on the table next to me. I had just downloaded edge of glory(BIG LETDOWN) and was mid listen
i havent listened to the song since
me: ok
so you are mid listen
are you just eating
are you reading
are you people watching
CAN YOU PLEASE BE MORE SPECIFIC FOR THE READERS?
GHyde: okay... i was sitting there, legitimately soaking up my life. I was in a good spot. A week away fromstarting my new job in NYC. It was a beautitful day. you shou;dve seen the tulips.
me: yellow?
red?
hybrid?
GHyde: some would say i was cupcaking. both colors
i had an hour and a half to kill before i caught a flight to myrtle beach to grab dinner with my dad
so i was just killin time in the park
me: ok
so please describe the incident
GHyde: ok
so man comes up and asks me to take out my headphones because he had a question for me
me: lolllllll
GHyde: and i take them out of me ears
me: how did you hear him
if your headphones were in
GHyde: the hand to ear/i need to talk to you motion
the international sign for "i dont care what you're listening to/what i have to say is more important"
me: yes
which it is rarely never the latter
GHyde: so i feel a tub on my headphone cord
i look back and this other man man is holding me iphone
he takes off
me: how did he get your iphone
were they waering hats
GHyde: it was on the table, next to my breakfast
one had a hat
ok
so he picked it up off the table.
me: and what did you say
GHyde: an took off
me: you just looked at him?
GHyde: i didnt have time to say anything before he took off
me: the universal sign for "sure go head"
this is a very anticlimactic robbery
no guns?
someone told me your shoulder was injured
GHyde: its broken
it gets better megan
so the man who asked me to take out my headphones punches me in the face
me: what!
GHyde: more like the cheek actually
me: does he say anything
GHyde: but its a weak punch
so they all take off running
at this point
me: "they all" = 2
GHyde: 2 other accomplices have joined
me: oh
wow
GHyde: so now a total of 4
me: wait
after he punched you
did he say anything
GHyde: yes
me: like
TAKE THAT BITCH
GHyde: no no
me: or something
GHyde: HAHHA NO MEGAN
me: well GHyde
i'm trying to be there in my mind
GHyde: so then i grab my carryon and start to chase them
BIG mistake
me: did you leave your breakfast behind?
GHyde: yes
and im still mad about it
me: are you yelling anything at them
while you are chasing them
like
GET BACK HERE NOW
OR ELSE
I WILL CALL THE POLICE
AND YOUR MOTHER!!!
GHyde: not at yelling yet
they are shell gaming my phone in front of me(all 4 of them)
me: lollllllllll
this is like the playground
GHyde: harmless mario party reference
but
me: i wish you had a gun
just pull it out
GHyde: ME TOO
me: and show it to them
lolllllllllll
ok
BUT???
GHyde: ok
so they hit michigan ave and split up
me: where is the phone?
it's like picking the right cup
from the magician
what did you do!
how many minutes have passed already?
GHyde: like seconds
seemed like minutes
me: oh i pictured them monkey-in-the-middling you for at least 6 minutes
i'm glad you are setting up a timeline for me
GHyde: HAHAHA
so they all split up
and i had to follow one of the thugs
me: so who do you pick
GHyde: scratch that
ran my ass off
me: yea follow makes it seem like you are sluething
which yo uare not
GHyde: the slower/chubbier one clearly
me: lolllllll
thank god you've been running in bucks county
GHyde: so im chasing him through chicagos inner loop
and im gaining on him
and i see his bookbag he has on coming unzipped
me: lolllll
GHyde: a piece of paper falls out of his backpack
i see this and grab it
its homework
name written clearly across the top
me: lollllllllll
WAIT
how OLD are these thugs???
GHyde: ill say 20ish
me: so college homework
GHyde: but somewhere during this chase
me: not 10th grade times tables
GHyde: i mean... you can be 20 and in highschool... i wouldnt be surprised if he was
me: do you do times tables in 10th grade?
i guess if you are 20 you do
ok
so anyway
grab the paper
continue runnng
GHyde: somewhere in there i fell/got kind of hit by a cab
because we were running through the street with post rush hour traffic
me: wait
fell slash got hit by a cab
those are pretty different
GHyde: i mean
i dont know which came first
me: the fall
in my mental picture
he tripped on the curb
and his hand was run over by a cab
GHyde: hahah no
after this all happens
which the occurance is still kind of hazy
he slows
and the criminal sits down at the bus stop
me: lolllllll
does he know you are still there???
GHyde: yes
me: ok
so you have worn.him.out
GHyde: yes
and im yelling for someone to call 911 at this point
me: lol
ok so
so i'm picturing
an obese 20 year old with a book bag
sitting in the bus stop
and you screaming at the top of your lungs
HELP
911!
HELP
and people thinking
what the H kid
he's just catching the bus
GHyde: and nobody is helping me out
me: lollll
that would nto happen in texas
so much better manners here
GHyde: riiigghhttt
so
the kid says he doesnt have it
and the bus pulls up
he gets on
me: stop
are you kidding me/is your shoulder broken yet?
GHyde: apparently
me: when did that happen!
there seems to be no injury to the shoulder
except for picking up paper
GHyde: no
either when i fell
or the cab
me: you were hit by a cab/???
i thought the thug was hit by a cab???
WHAT
GHyde: megan
i was hit by a cab
me: i thought the thug was hit by a cab!!!!!!!!!!!
lollllll
GHyde: no
me: oh my god GHyde!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
is this the curse of my followers????
to be hit by cars!!???
don't answer
i still need 100
ok
so wow
the thug gets on the bus
and then what?
GHyde: i follow him... because clearly i want to get shot/stabbed at this point
me: on to the bus?
GHyde: yes
and i tell the bus driver
"this kid just mugged me, shut and lock the doors until he turns out his pockets"
me: is this normal procedure?
when a mugger enters a bus?
or is this something you thought of?
GHyde: i thought of it
me: does the bus driver obey
GHyde: and the bus driver agreed
me: oh wow
ok and???
GHyde: the people on the bus HATE me
me: hahahahahaha
oh my gosh i bet
esp if it is rush hour
GHyde: and i look like a terrorist marching up and down the aisle of the bus
me: we can't say terrorist on the blog
GHyde: well
nobody was a terrorist, i just looked like one at the time
not a turban terrorist
a russian die hard terrorist
me: mob
GHyde: the kid finally turns out his pockets and says his friend has my phone and he passed it off to him
empty shell
8:17 PM me: lolllllllllllllllll
GHyde: bummer
me: so what do yo udo?
GHyde: i call him by the name on his homework
me: does he respond
GHyde: dumbfounded
me: ahahahahaha
GHyde: so i get off the bus
im bleeding
me: sad?
GHyde: finally a man calls 911
me: lolllllll
how much time has elapsed
GHyde: and im sitting in the middle of the sidewalk
me: are you giong to miss your flight?
GHyde: no
i file a police report
and my shoulder doesnt really hurt at this point
me: adrenaline
GHyde: so i file the report.
make my flight
me: miracle
GHyde: after numerous tries to get a hold of a family member, i have to get on my plane
still nobody knows i had been mugged
get on the plane
me: i hope you left the blood on your face
which is where i picture it being
GHyde: im surrounded north/south/east/west by crying babies
me: oh no
plane from HELL
GHyde: i land in myrtle
call my dad from a payphone
me: lollllll
did you have enough coins?
or did you call collect?
GHyde: he picks up saying "ill be at the airport in 15minutes, where do you want to eat?"
some payphones take credit cards now
little known fact
me: oh wow
how the times have change!
so where did you want to eat?
GHyde: i tell my dad i need to go to the ER
me: hospital food!!???
do you have benefits?
if not, that is going to cost a lot
GHyde: hahah yes
me: ok good
GHyde: and the xray informs us
i have a broken shoulder

And there, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of Greg's sling.

Originally I would have said that I think he is faking and just wearing the sling for attention. (A flare for the dramatic seems to be a common thread between all of my followers.) But now that I have the ankle injury (YES! STILL!) I think you should all buy poor Greggy a drink so he can be nursed back to health.

Also, it is my recommendation not to start a conversation with Greg re: mugging unless you have at least an hour.