I love reading. And I hate people that say "I don't read". Do you really NOT read? I don't think so. But, I do think you're an idiot for saying that.
I didn't do any real new years resolutions, but I made a promise to myself to keep up my reading.. because I slowed down in the 4th quarter last year.
My 2011 bookshelf includes:
Spooner by Peter Dexter. You should read this book if you enjoyed Catch 22. Not only did I enjoy Catch 22, it made me laugh out loud - that book is truly witty. If you like witty humor, go for Spooner. Although the end is heavy, you won't be turned off and will be glad you picked it up.
Next up is The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson.
You should read this book if you've read the other ones, and you can handle the first 150 pages of information overload before the storyline picks up. There are lots of intense Swedish names and lots of information on the government, but the storyline is intense and the characters are so unlike the other books I've been reading... it really is hard to put down once you get into it.
My third book of 2011 was Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. You should read this book if you plan on seeing the movie, which I do. The book does in fact have an elephant in it - but the story is not about the elephant. It's about love. At the circus. And it's more romantic than that sounds.
Tatiana De Rosnay's Sarah's Key was a novel I picked up in the airport because I'm having trouble getting into my other book. Sarah's Key is a fictional storyline around the treatment of the Jews in France during the Holocaust. It is shocking and emotional, even if Rosnay's writing is predictable. You should read this if you've got a few hours on a plane.
Next up is The Chosen by Chaim Potok. Things are going slowly. But I'm trusting Leigh's recommendation and then will make my own later...
I know you've all been worried: Who is The Babysitter!? And, Follower 58 is not an ominous stalker from a weird horror movie, but is actually Karina from work! Karina was set up on a friend date with Dan Coughlin (not a follower) since he moved to Phoenix which is where Karina is. I'm a great friend matchmaker! Karina is sassssssssy and we loveeee chitchatting away about boys. Girlfriend getsssss the need for a handsome man over 6'0, since she too is a tall drink of water. Rock on, girlfriend.
Follower 59 is Boyfriend Matt!! Boyfriend Matt is dating Sister Allie and we aren't sure why since he's such a great, nice, guy. Allie is probably mad right now. Allie - we like Matt so BE NICE TO HIM! We are so glad he's around. I think most of the time he is around the family he is thinking "oh shit, what have I done?", but he is a good sport. Even when the cousins convinced him that the caterer was our Uncle (the caterer was not our Uncle). Or when he visits Nanny and Poppy with Allie and Poppy talks his ear off about outerspace and black holes. Total trooper.
One of my favorite movies, When Harry Met Sally, talks about men and women being friends... Harry labels the task virtually impossible. And, because it is Hollywood and EVERYONE ends up with their perfect soul mate in the most adorable way possible, well, the movie proves not only can men and women not be just friends, you are going to marry your man/woman "friend".... Making them never your friend and always your soul mate.
To say I've seen that movie 429 times is an understatement. I cannot turn it off when it is on TBS. I love it. But I do think that men and women can be friends.
I have lots of male friends. We are all mutually in the friend zone. I think some outsiders (read: people I did not go to Penn State with) may think there are some boundary issues with our friend zone, but, regardless - we are all there. I'm totally ok with this. I love the friend zone.
I have a friend, who I will name because even though she follows she doesn't read, Natalie, who is ALWAYS in the friend zone and hates it. We used to tease her about this, but, after a message from virtual friend G-Lo, I think I finally understand where she is coming from.
Natalie's problem is not that she is in the friend zone. Like I said - it's all mutual. And, really, we have such a great group of guy friends! They are all attractive. All funny. All great at conversation. Just great times! And, let's be honest, there is a secret hope that they will eventually lead us to outsiders and new male specimens that we can love and not friend.
So, like I said, Natalie's problem is not just that she is in the friend zone, it's that her male friends have put her so deep into the friend zone they have TOTALLY FORGOTTEN SHE IS A GIRL. Just ask to see a picture message she's received from GHyde or Lucas. It's disgusting. There are no boundaries. But, the likes of Chris Lucas and GHyde are not the only ones to blame - Natalie laughs at the disgusting picture messages they send her and, to whatever degree, reciprocates.
I don't know what degree because I am a girl and that is not funny to me.
Now that we know what Natalie's problem is (HA - she'd be so mad if she was reading. But, I'm still confident she's not because she is "studying" for med school or something...), here is my problem:
I have recently been moved, by a male friend, so deep into the friend zone, there is no return. And, again, I'm not trying to move myself to a romantic or sexual place with him, I just want him to think I have SOME LADYLIKE CHARACTERISTICS.
G-Lo thinks this is just a hoot and said he had tears streaming down his face he was laughing so hard. Etc. Etc.
You're curious now.
Should you click this at work? Can you wait to go home? Are you going to type it into your smartphone so you can check it at work and not get a "Web Advisory" on your work computer??
If you click it, just know that I do not recommend or support that action. And you cannot put me into the so deep, dark corners of the friend zone that you think I am no longer ladylike and feminine for sharing. Because I am ladylike and feminine, God damnit.
In being totally forthright with you, I did have to do a mental run through of my guy friends to make sure I'm not so deep in the friend zone they actually don't think I'm a girl anymore. Two gentleman surfaced to the top of the list of "could possibly be so deep into the friend zone they don't even think I'm a girl anymore" and I don't think it's any surprise to you that these two are: Greg Hyde and Jarrod Grim.
On the surface, my conversations, at some point or another, with both of these gentleman have reached inappropriate, and maybe, disgusting levels. With Jarrod, for example, there is just naturally NO BOUNDARIES. And, Greg, well, the he is usually the one that "goes there". Both gentleman make me laugh out loud and are so funny, so when they go there - well, I laugh and probably encourage that. I do not want to crush their spirits - they bring so much joy to me.
Which leads us to the next point: How I have established I am a lady when there appears to be no boundaries. Also known as: Things Natalie Could Learn From Me (TNCLFM). Based on reader response, this could have potential to be a new feature in the blog. Most of the fun being, THE Natalie in TNCLFM would never read it anyway.
1) I primp. A lot. Both have witnessed this. Natalie has the great short hair cut that dramatically reduces her getting ready time. She can blow dry, flat iron and apply mascara in the time it takes me to condition my hair. TNCLFM: Establish femininity by taking a long time to get ready. Boys get ready fast. Not girls.
1A) Realize the time you have to primp. When I raged with Jarrod, Jonathan and Kit in Austin I realized, as the only girl, I had to be careful of my getting ready time. I was successfully the lowest, high maintenance I could be by: curling my hair, wearing a dress and still being ON TIME. This keeps you in the Friend Zone and not the "Why the hell did we invite her anyway" Zone.
2) My doodad was better than Natalie's on New Years Eve (but I did like Natalie's doodad). Greg has called me his "little feather duster". Sometimes. TNCLFM: Establish a nice nickname with male friends. Anything related to "grogbog" is disgusting and you should not answer to it.
3) Realize that there are things men do that women should not do. Yes, I know this is a whole other can of worms and no, I am not taking it there. But, I'm trying to set some standard roles when it comes to boys and girls. So- putting air in my tires: boy. Killing a spider: boy. Grilling: boy. TNCLFM: Ask for help with some things, even if she knows how to put air in her tires (which I do not).
4) Provide more useless girl knowledge rather than purposeful (not necessarily useful) man knowledge. For example, how CUTE is this GMA puppy!! The answer is SO CUTE! TNCLFM: Share cute knowledge sometimes, not factual facts.
5) Five is the most important of all items. And, hopefully, I've lost my parents by this point. The best part of having cool, attractive, fun male friends is that they are usually friends with the same! I mean, yes I have entered friend zone with some of my friend's attractive friends. But, I have not entered that zone with ALL of them. It's so much fun to have the off the hook flirtang meter with a fresh specimen. Not that you are going to marry or even date this human, but, to some degree, you should start off playful and/or coy. Gosh! I don't know how she does it, but that Natalie can always find the friend zone... somehow!.
After a LONG day at work, I was in a MAD RUSH to get home and get the TV on by 7pm. The elevator opened, I RUSHED straight out and over to the door and TRIED AND TRIED to get the door open. And then I said GOD WHAT THE H!? And then I realized...
I was on the wrong floor.
This is embarrassing. I think I am unscathed and not caught as I RUSH to the elevator to avoid the people that live there (that happen to be a gay, disabled couple - I saw the wheelchair) and then I remember - the ELEVATOR IS ALSO DISABLED. ONLY on the first floor.
See, what happens is, only when the elevator stops on the first floor the door tries to close once and looks like it gets stuck. And then it closes in S L O W M O T I O N (which is even slower when you are trying not to be caught) and then once you think you are IN THE CLEAR!! It opens back up in S L O W M O T I O N!!!! And THEN closes AGAIN IN S L O W M O T I O N!!! This is usually annoying, but when you just tried to get into someone else's apartment this is annoying and VERY inconvenient!! I was able to sneak away without being caught, but, it was a close call.
Back to the point of this post:
Chelsea: LOVE the bob! And, I will agree with Tom, it was a great start to season 12.
Wendy: I hate to ask this, but is she a drag queen? Unimpressed. But I wanted to be impressed.
Call from Nanny: MEG! ARE YOU WATCHIN? HINES IS UP NEXT. I HAVE TO GO I DON'T WANT TO MISS HIM. OH! THEY SAID SOME OF HIS TEAMMATES ARE THERE. WE WILL SEE SOME STEELERS. OK GOT TO GO. LOVE YOU. BUH BYE.
People I would like to see on DWTS: Stacey and/or Clinton from TLC's What Not To Wear.
HINES: YEA BABY! YOU DO HAVE THE SWIVEL. YOU DO HAVE THE SWAG!!!! AHH! LOOK AT HIS BUTT!!! I am ALL smiles!!! You get all my votessss!!! LOVE!!!!
Bruno: Could you be funnier??? Yes! PLEASE encourage Hines to dance like a piston!
Petra: She is very pretty. But that was slow.
Stop by from Roommate Erin: We are so excited to move this weekend.
Romeo (formerly known as Lil Romeo): I think you are LH's husband and, dare I say, could be a close second with Usher in her heart. He is going to be so fun to watch. And AGAIN with the butt! Holy cow, DWTS!
Pause for 3rd DC of the day, which, at 8:05 PM , is not a responsible decision. But, since I need to pack for St. Louis and I am also logged into work (yes, and blogging, yes, and watching DWTS. AND Yes I am getting things done! Holler multitasking) anyway, I'm also having a candy bar.
Sugar Ray: Fun to watch! But I will not be voting for you.
Kendra: Do you still have a show on E!? Is it weird that your husband is in the audience with your exboyfriend Hugh? Rock on, girlfriend. And, I think you and Louie have the same amount of shake in you.
Ralph(ie): Ralphie because you are a 49 year old that looks like the cutest 12 year old ever!!! You might be, actually are, my white crush on DWTS. Maybe I will give you one of my eight votes. Maybe. Actually, no, you got a higher score than Hines so I'm sharing zero votes with you tonight.
Chris: What. A. Bro. Oh my god with the RIP OFF leather sleeves. Cheryl, what were you thinking for him??? I'm ready to be done with you.
Mike: You are a surprise stud (in looks, not dance) and better than last season's Mike The Situation (MIS). You should DATE Lacey. You are not going to win, but you will beat Chris. And, maybe, Wendy.
During this commercial break, I'm cleaning out emails. Do you know that on Friday afternoon I cleaned out my inbox and for the second time in 2011 I was able to get my inbox under 100. Not just under 100, 84! That is incredible. Today, I left work with 264 emails. This is not real. How can I not catch an email break? And, these people, if I don't respond to the first one in FIVE MINUTES keep responding and replying. And sometimes (read: all the times) they talk about things that aren't important (the Badgers are in the NCAA sweet 16) and other times they ask me things I don't care about (why didn't anyone take the trash out?) and most of the time they ask questions I answered last week - these are particularly frustrating emails.
Kirstie: Rock on with your spicy self! I like you so much better on DWTS than I did with Tim Allen in For Richer or For Poorer. (Please, readers, like you didn't see that movie in theaters too!).
I am so happy Monday night DWTS is back in my life! SO Happy!
I know I owe you a Meet My Follower, and thankfully my next Meet My Follower is timeless, so, you won't miss anything by me delaying the actual posting. :)
Today I wore my favorite summer tshirt, because it is basically summer in Plano. (Que: Playo Del Plano, PDP, tunes and rage). The shirt is florescent and it makes me happy. Just like summer. Except, it's not summer. It's only March. And spring doesn't even come until after Easter. And we're only 2 weeks into Lent.
For Lent, I decided to practice Catholicism again. It's not that I don't think I'm Catholic - it's just that I hate all the churches over here. Everyone can like what they like - but I hate tambourines and shaking hands with my neighbors and having a priest read me the GD bulletin when I am, and pretty much everyone around me, is capable of READING. I leave church furious and annoyed that I ever went. But, for God and for Lent I am going. And I even stay until after Communion to have the final blessing. I patiently listen to the priest read everything from the bulletin that I could read myself. So, this is me offering church up to God during Lent.
And, since I'm doing Lent - I gave up.... SHOPPING!!! Can you believe it?!? I just gave up clothes shopping, but still --- I have been doing VERY WELL. Except, I bought a pair of jeans online and I'm not sure when I did it - so I'm not checking the receipt and I'm just going to say that I am still good to go! Today I even went to return things from before, and I put myself STRAIGHT INTO TEMPTATION. I went to Nordstrom Rack, I went to Home Goods and I went to JCP. And, I was SO responsible in offering my shopping abstinence up to God and I did not purchase a single thing!
After all this temptation I went to Target. I did NO clothes shopping, but I bought toiletries and Peeps. Peeps is ('are' sounds better but Peeps is actually singular since I'm talking about one package.) Peeps is the reason for the season and the best part of Lent and spring time. I don't like them stale, but I don't like them so fresh that they are too gooey. While I'm also talking about candies I love.... I LOVE satellite wafers, circus peanuts and hot tamales. Love. Uh, love!
You all should know I went on a date with a 31 year old scorpio. Gio is (I think is still) dating a 30 something (Chuck, Charlie, Bob, something) and this made me happy, and envious. I think of all the friends I know that are my age, Gio is the one that I think fits perfectly with an older man, preferably in the 30s. I am jealous of her dating a 30 year old! She is so wild and bossy and, Gio, since I know eventually you'll read this, keep on keeping on with those thirty somethings!
Alright, enough about her and back to me - I had the happy hour date which was three hours long and great conversation. I was incredibly charming and had a great outfit. I don't know that we have anything in common but the conversation was really nice. But (there's always a but) this man is apparently not capable of sitting still. My favorite thing to do is sit still. Preferably with company and a drink in my hand. And SPF if we're outside enjoying 80something degree weather in March in Texas. But this guy is a nonstop athlete. He is doing a 75 hour bike ride. SEVENT FIVE HOURS. He is also climbing the seven highest "summits" (I would have just said 'mountains') in the world right now. It is, as would be expected, INTENSE training. I care nothing about this. I was asking the only questions I knew to ask (How do you pack for that trip? Are the bugs SO big?) but, all I could think about was how that would be the most terrible, awful, trip of a lifetime. And he loves it! He also plays soccer three nights a week. I imagine there is an intense athletic requirement to dating this man and, well, please, no thank you! Perhaps a new friend....
I do have to get physical for work though! We have this company challenge where 5-15 people join up and track either minutes exercised or pounds lost and tally them up and there is a winner and charity donations at the end. I am on a virtual team - but there are teams in my office and they are going to watch me to make sure I participate. The first step on this was making me get on an intense scale and telling me things like how much my bones and left arm weigh and that I am 50% water and typically people are 60% water. I do not know how the scale measures all of this, but I'm confident that this means I am 10% diet coke. And, that her scale was wrong because my scale at home definitely says I'm 7 pounds lighter. Anyway, I think this was all just a ploy for the ladies at work to figure out how old I am since age needed to be entered into the scale.
24 makes me a baby, and one woman thinks I'll enjoy 25.
Oh! I'm also going to a new state and city this week! I'm going to St. Louis for work! I'll be there three days and get to do some networking with some people from Eden Prairie and Pittsburgh. We'll be doing non stop interviewing. New hires kill me. They are seriously GROWN UPS with YEARS of experience and it's like herding children. Last week we had 40 new hires and I think I learned 30 of the 40 new names (which is impressive) and definitely made 40 new friends. I do all kinds of charming things like remember their questions, fix their computers and smile SO MUCH.
Thankfully they are all in training rooms now, and I can get back to my other work!
PS: What do I have to do for a new follower? I'm 2 away from 60! JARROD THIS MEANS YOU. Seriously, didn't we have a great chat today?? Multiple times??? Do it!
PPS: Dancing with the Stars is tomorrow and I am SO looking forward to watching my boyfriend Hines dance, dance, dance!
