the unthinkable...

I'm getting ready to leave Dallas!

Do you feel like all I do is blame my lack of updating on travel plans?? Because I do! Lot's of back and forth this fourth quarter, and if things go my way... a trip to visit girlfriend Sarah for MLK weekend, a business trip back to Chattanooga at the end of January and perhaps another girls trip with Ashley and Kim to California in February or March will lead me right into all the bridal goodness to celebrate bride-to-be Allison in Philadelphia will take me pretty much through June! But, that's ok... because that's the only way I'd have it.  Now that I have the iPhone with much improved touch screen capabilities for enhanced texting, perhaps I'll figure out how to work the blogger app. Perhaps.

So, when we lasted chatted I told you I was online dating. This is true. I was winking and messaging with the best of them. And I even set up 3 dates with humans who passed the initial scan. I actually had to stop going on match.com becuase the amount of emails and winks is totally overwhelming. For the most part, there is a LOT of weeding out to do ... for every ten winks/messages recieved, I'd say there is only one worth responding to. And then, that person will soon enough prove themselves to be boring or something like that.

The problem with all of this activity is that I really enjoy my non activity time. My work day is fairly stressful with the new job and managing 20 people and having no idea what they do and they escalate everything and....

it's just a lot of anxiety.

So, to come home and watch some type of reality tv, enjoy my dinner, putz on gchat or read a book... well. I really love doing that. Especially after a vacation. And these dates were just cramping my style. So I decided to do the three and not go back online until January.

First date was with Wade who appeared much younger in person than in photos - but I could still see the resemblance so I wasn't so mad about that. He was very dull. I mean, don't get me wrong, I had no problem stirring up conversation but he was just... blah. OH! And, he admitted that one of his favorite movies is How to Lose a Girl in 10 Days. Now one of my dating questions is: So, what kind of movies do you like? I'm not a movie buff or anything, but pretty sure that is a weird movie for a 32 year old man to mention as a favorite during a first date.

Second date was with Patrick who appeared just as expected and was early (but, I was also late). He was funny and friendly and alluded to second date, but I was pleased when no text message game and didn't have to think of an excuse. I think both of us decided it was more friendly than romantic. He would be a good friend though because our conversation ended with discussing duck suicides at Niagra falls - I think that means he gets it.

Third date was with Justin who is 6'4 and was a few minutes late to the bar. But, we had great chat chat chatting for almost 4 hours. He even walked me all the way to my car, which was in the total opposite direction of his car. Texting occured and we went on a second date on Friday.

Pause.

I do not second date. I think there is something wrong with me, but I just don't do it. Why? Any number of reasons: he was short, he was weird, he liked the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, he blinks a lot, he wore cargo shorts, etc. However, there was no major red flag with Justin so second date occurred.

Play.

He was a perfect gentleman, opening doors picked up the check and offered me his arm to hold while walking. More great chat chat chatting and we visited three establishments. At the final stop of the night, we did the unthinkable. And because I know it is unacceptable, I'm going to put it out there and take the ridicule:

We sat on the same side of the booth/table.

I know, I know, I knowwwww. That is the WORST! Gag, barf - right!? But, I did sit on the same side as him and I feel like I need to admit to this totally out of character behavior and take appropriate actions to stop doing that. I mean, I knew this was bad, but I continue to be reminded after I admit the situation to multiple people and they all go: OH MY GOD. Are you kidddddddddding me!!??

Sigh. I did it. We have also chatted since then, and suspect a third date is likely after the holidays. I'm perfectly ok with this.

That takes us through Friday, and then on to Saturday, which was the girls celebration dinner! Emily and Jessica (Follower 82 and 83) are EXTREME planners and they, with the help of roommate Erin, planned a lovely reservation for 15 lovely ladies at St. Anne's. It was such a fun night! Now, I'm going to be modest and not tell you that we were the prettiest table in the whole damn restaurant or that we were definitely having the most fun in the restaurant or that you totally missed out on a phenom Christmas celebration, I'm just going to tell you the truth:

We were all dressed in our sparkles and holiday attire to celebrate Christmas and we drank a lot of wine. (Really, a lot). It was a really great holiday celebration and I'm very much looking forward to a New Years Eve celebration with some of these ladies!

Before we get to New Years, I'm off to Pittsburgh to celebrate Christmas! Things to look forward to: Rian's second visit to Pittsburgh, being Pete's date to his office party that he already told me is going to be terrible, the 3rd Annual Cousin's Night Out party, Miller Christmas, Pederson Christmas and hopefully, lots of shopping and baking!

So, before I get out of here, I need to set some follower business straight: I double counted cousin Ryan as follower 83. That is wrong. Follower 83 is Jessica (roommate of Follower 82, Emily) and was MOVED to follow after me asking her to do so in the last post. Jessica 2 is fabulous in the same fashion Emily is fabulous (they are "rooms") and Jess wins "prettiest" award from Saturday's dinner (she had GREAT hair)! I'm so happy Jessica is joining us as 83!

Pittsburgh Highlights

I am back in Dallas and it feels great! I'm not saying that to upset my Mother (which, if she's reading this, it probably will) but, it is so exhausting being away from your bed and your shower and your accessories and shoes! So, I'm back! In my bed, with my shampoo and my earrings and my pillows and it's just what I wanted.

So, you know I've been nonstop for ... 3??? weeks! I've been in Pittsburgh most of that time and then I had to go to our Boubonnais office which is south of Chicago. And then before that I was in Chattanooga and I think Phoenix. And... It's just been a very busy time of travel! But, thankfully, the only trip I have left this year is back to Pittsburgh for Christmas - and I can handle that.

So, Pittsburgh highlights:

1) The Flight. Success. Great book. Great tunes. 10pm arrival. All was right in the world! The book I was reading is called "All but for the" by Ali Smith and it's about a dinner guest's plus 1 that leaves the table and locks himself in a room in the house and communicates, occassionally, by sending a note under the door. It's very witty and made me chuckle, but I must confess, the end confused me. I would recommend it to a real reader and not a casual reader. I would not recommend purchasing it, just ask me and you can borrow it!

2) Thanksgiving. For whatever family reasons there are, we separated Thanksgiving this year between my Grandma and her sister's family. This is the first ever. Very disappointing because now that all of the cousins, for the most part, are drinking age and have been on their own a little bit.. the kid table is so fun! This year we missed cousin Patrick, who is definitely the wildcard. Either way, we had a great kids table dinner and Nanny made me a special chocolate pie for dessert since I hate all other Thanksgiving desserts. Imean, dessert is not dessert unless there is chocolate. So all those pies? YOU CAN SHOVE THEM UP YOUR BUTT!

3) The Office. Last year, you may recall, my family had two popular holiday sayings: HEY YOU, WOODCHUCK, QUIT CHUCKING MY WOOD! and CHRISTMAS IS RUINED. This year it is "AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT" to quote our favorite office character, Stanley. Well, ok, Stanley is not our favorite, Dwight is, but... we aren't quoting Dwight, are we? No dinner is complete without a long story and a suggestion for a better way to do something that ends with screaming out AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT. It's similar to tourettes, but on purpose, so actually, it is totally different.

4) The Grandparents, aka "the olds".  The olds moved in with my parents and I suppose some type of routine is being discovered in the house. I would say the highlights of the routine are: Wake up. Grandma doesn't feel well and Poppy needs breakfast. Take Grandma's blood pressure with the blood pressure tool in the living room. The blood pressure tool is actually a very fun exercise for the entire family and has been made into a game: who has the best blood pressure? Answer: Not my dad. Lots of watching TV. Ellen, The Stew, Bold and the Beautiful. If it's on ABC, they're watching it. Unless they press the wrong button on the remote, which they do (often) and then someone has to fix the color/channel/volume/power/caption/laungage/etc. Lunch. My grandma doesn't eat a lot so we push Ensure on her and my poppy says he doesn't want lunch but always eats cheese crackers or apple slices. The rest of the day is more TV. Sometimes my poppy takes a "walk" which is either circling the center of the house three times or walking down the driveway and back up to the house. He uses a cane, but "use" isn't the right word since all he does is drag it behind him. More TV. More on/off TV troubleshooting. Dinner. Grandma never wants anything for dinner but we have to make her eat something which she usually makes faces about and makes the entire process exhausting. Poppy is a good eater and cleans his plate. Grandma does not like AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT said at the dinner table, she shakes her head. Poppy laughs. He gets it. He's funny. After dinner is ice cream time. The olds LOVE ice cream. It is the only thing my grandma eats without complaining. And if grandma gets it, poppy gets it too. And since I'm scooping the ice cream... well.. ok, I'll just have a scoop or two also. The other fun part of the day is answer the same questions for my grandma. The big question is "What do you want for Christmas?" and I say "Diamonds. Big ones. 3 karats for my ears." This leads into a discussion about if I deserve them (apparently not) and that she might get herself some diamonds (not going to happen because she lost the last diamonds). And then there is a pause and she says "What do you want for Christmas?" And the second time she asks I'll usually say "I want $10 more than you are giving to Matt". And then the next time she says "What do you want for Christmas?" I say "Diamonds". And that goes on ALL. DAY. LONG. It's Groundhog Hour. And I'mnot getting any diamonds.

5) The Times. The Times were had a few nights. I went to a 90s Party with Peter and it was really so funny because, in addition to 90's attire like starter jackets, they had put beanie babies EVERYWHERE, huggies, kool-aid squeezers and gushers. Top notch. I do love seeing Peter when I'm in Pittsburgh but hate when he doesn't shave his face. Which he didn't. Which I suggested he should. Which he didn't. I went out with Sister Allie and Brother Matt on Wednesday and SOME STRANGER TUGGED MY HAIR AND SAID "Is this natural?" To which I said "It's natural, and it's amazing." To which he said "Don't get a big head" To which I SHOULD have said "Don't get a big nose... oh... wait.." but I actually said "It's not ego, it's a fact" and then that was that. He had a giant nose, really. And then On Friday I went out with my Dad and Brother Matt and Cousin Patrick to the Southside and saw MK, fiance Tom, Kolan and Gio. Within 30 minutes of getting there, Cousin Patrick, who had been drinking vodka since 2pm, was kicked out of the bar and we had to leave. But, we got primatis which, I consider a successful night.

6) Online Dating. I'm doing it, and I've had three dates. That will be my next update!

online dating

Great news, humes! I'm online dating. I haven't decided how much I'm going to share with you.... actually, who am I kidding? I have no boundaries.


Here's the deal - I have a SIX month subscription to match.com. Yes. This is serious. I figure if I spend the rest of the year practicing my online "winking" and messaging, I'll be good to go by January. Why is January such an important month? Because I expect everyone to go home for the holidays and their family will ask them all kinds of annoying things like "Are you dating anyone? No.. oh.." and "Oh, so and so is engaged" or "So and so is expecting twins!" and everyone will feel just AWFUL about themselves. And they will say: "That is it! Effective January 1st I am changing my life and I'm doing it with online dating!!!"


And there I'll be.


Waiting.


With a wink. Or something. I haven't quite figured it all out yet.


Here's what I do know:


1) Filters are amazing. Now that I've set email filters, old men can no longer email me. I was getting way too many "Heyyyy purty lady" from 50 somethings in nowhere Texas. Really weird. Now, that is gone. Phew!


2) Most people did not complete grade school. I mean, why else would you still say "u" for "you", "aiiight" for "alright" or "2" for "to" if you knew any grammar at all??


3) Messages don't really creep me out, but they do make me feel sad for the sender. Not sad enough to sympathy date, but sad enough to feel bad for them.


4) Match says NO for you! You just click the "no thanks" button and it sends this generic email that says "Sorry, I don't think we are a good fit. Good luck!" and that is that!


Here are some of the messages I've received:


Ding Ding Ding!! And the winner is "You".. Please email to collect your prize. "Me"... Making you laugh & smile is in my DNA :) Let's see if I can pull you off this thing?


Gag. Ser.


Heard you were looking for me! Lol. Lame line, sorry. Just wanted to say hello.


Regardless of this being a capital-L LAME line, have a little confidence, gosh. 


are you a steeler fan? Do you like regulard Coca Cola?


Regulard? REALLY!?


Hi, Im Ryan. This daily matches thing says we have the same birth month. What day is your birthday? Mine is June 12th. Well, read your profile and wanted to say hi.


Birthday month? Maybe you should try a lame line...


I read your profile 
and thought we might be a good match. 
I am fairly neat, loving animal, laid back 
enjoy life... 
I am not here for game, but a start of a serious relationship 
if you want to get to know each other better 
prehaps we can spend a little time together over a dinner or lunch. 


Now, you know my feelings on minorities, and the email above is clearly from an ESL student. However, match.com has helped me decide that on my list of priorities grammar comes before ethnicity. 


More to come!

Be responsible, folks!

The past few days have been a whirlwind. I think I love traveling, but I hate the exhausted feeling I have once I finally get to sit down and think about everything! I'm taking sleep very seriously when I am in my bed. But now I'm filled with constant anxiety that the fire alarm is going to go off. WHY? Well, I'll tell you: the fire alarm went off the other week and I've decided I'm traumatized by it.

See, what had happened was I was sleeping. I don't know what cycle of sleep I was in, but I start dreaming this demonic voice. And I'm slowly stirring and when I finally get my eyes open and I can process things I see Roommate Erin in my room. She TOTALLY SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME and I scream. And she screams back. And then she says "We need to go!".

How does Roommate Erin know we need to go? Well, our apartment building has THE. LOUDEST. emergency talking alarm thing. The woman who delivers the message does so with an irritating beep that pierces your ears. She says things like: THIS. IS. AN. EMERGENCY. PLEASE. EVACUATE. THE. BUILDING. IF YOU ARE DISABLED, FOLLOW YOUR DISABLED EVACUATION PLAN. THIS. IS AN. EMERGENCY. etc. The voice is terrifying because you cannot think about anything. Which makes it hard to leave the house.

Anyway, Roommate Erin (so level headed) says "I'm going to check if other people are leaving."

Pause: Our building has a poor history of the fire alarm sounding for NO reason. This is the 3rd time I've been woken up by the alarm, but the first time the alarm has happened at night time.

While Erin checks the door, I struggle to find a sweatshirt to go outside (totally forgetting it's 60 degrees out). I then hear Erin scream: MEGAN! WE. HAVE. TO. GO. THERE IS SMOKE!

So now the fire is real! Erin and I TAKE OFF like MANIACS running down the stairs.She's holding her shoes and sans glasses, and I'm still not really awake and thinking that I'm so glad I have renter's insurance. There is total chaos outside. People are out in their pj's, dogs are fighting, police and fire trucks are arriving and the entire situation seems very serious, except for the fact that we are all standing right next to the building so there must not be a fire.

Annoying.

After 45 minutes we are allowed back upstairs and our floor definitely smells like smoke. So I know we weren't crazy. When we get in the apartment it occurs to me we did not lock our doors and this makes me slightly panicked. Ok, really panicked. I check all closets, showers and the balcony to look for an intruder. I'm certain this would have been a perfect opportunity for them to break in and kill us in the night. Thankfully, no intruder was found.

My adrenaline was really going crazy with the loud noises, the dog fight and the hypothetical intruder that I could hardly fall back to sleep. The next morning was rough.

The next afternoon all residents received an email titled "Fire Alarm" which thanked us for exiting the building so quickly and efficiently (they must have seen me and Erin running for our lives) and then provided some helpful "hints" for apartment living. My favorite was: A responsible adult should monitor the kitchen at all times when cooking to prevent food from burning.  


Someone on the 4th floor is clearly irresponsible. Not I. Or Erin.


Uh! That was exhausting reliving that terrible alarm. I'll blog about Wurstfest and Chattanooga later this week!