1/31/2011

Spaz

I think it is important for everyone to know I've been a total spaz today. Typically, I go through hours of "spaz" status. But, today was the full day. Spaz status started with weird music on my too loud alarm but still managing to close my eyes and dream I wasn't hearing my alarm. Which led to obviously running late. Which led to not enough time to dry my hair which led to an attempt at wild locks but what really ended up as such spazzy hair you might find on Ms. Frizzle after a trip down the esophagus with the Magic School bus.

Then I hated EVERYTHING I tried on. So, not only was I wearing a TERRIBLE outfit today, my closet is now a disaster because I obviously just tossed everything on the floor and then closed the door. Ms. Frizzle has on a better outfit than I do today.

The reason I was so spazzy to get to work on time was because we are doing this new meeting format that I will be owning and of course it is at 7:30 AM. My favorite of all favorite times. Oh, and my computer has been doing this really cool thing called "TAKES FORTY FIVE GOD DAMN MINUTES TO FUCKING WORK". This usually puts me in a great mood first thing on a Monday morning! Thankfully my favorite thing to do is smile and be so friendly to the IT guys, so the new IT guy that I haven't asked so much of is happy to take care of my computer issue and I am expecting a new, functioning machine in the next week. I will obviously provide a treat to the IT men upon arrival of new computer.

Then today was the FINAL DAY to register Jackson in Texas. Since I love working with the East coast SO MUCH and never get a lunch hour ever because my lunch hour is their lunch hour... I took a 9am lunch hour to get my car registered. Pause.

I do not take lunch for an hour. I have. But, 99.4% of the time I eat lunch at my desk while sitting on calls, checking through emails, or catching up on other crap that is driving me nutso. Play.

When taking my trip to make Jackson a registered Texan, I realized I did not have my wallet and therefore did not have the necessary cash money I would need to pay for this trip. So I stopped at home, grabbed my wallet and drove 10 miles north to the tax office. I stopped at the bank to do the drive through ATM and discovered that my ATM card was... NOT THERE. Wow. Awesome. I drive back down the street 10 miles to my house to get my ATM card and then drive back UP the street 10 miles back to the bank and the tax office. I wait in line so patiently with all my forms already filled out (remember, I was there last week and was missing something) and my stack of $20s and just waiting my turn. Patiently. For 20 minutes. And then the woman complimented me on my preparedness (Little did she know this was my 9th try at getting the damn car registered) and then she gave me my new license plate...s. Yes. Two plates. And she said "I don't need to tell you - 2 plates." And I said "Oh yes you do. I only have one plate!" Panic. I didn't know that when registering car I would actually need to install plates. I mean, I guess I knew this, but I thought I would get a fake plate and then have some time to figure out who could install the real plates upon their arrival to my house. I, for some reason, imagined the US Postal Service and a mechanic would be involved in registering my car. This is incorrect. Now I have to license plates and a sticker and I was so panicked at "two plates" that I don't really remember what she told me to do with the sticker and .... well.. I wish I knew a boy or something here to just do this for me. This is such a boy's job. I'll do the dishes, if just a boy could make my car work. Gosh!

Since we are talking about license plates, I should tell you about my GENUIS idea I had last week which literally made me giggle for... 30 minutes. And then again when I retold people about my so great idea. I think I should rage and get vanity license plates that say "WAMPUS". Isn't that amazing!?
Except, they are $200 for ONE YEAR. Come on, Texas. Do people really pay that? Should I pay that? How FUNNY woulf it be if you pulled up behind "WAMPUS"? SO FUNNY! Kim suggested "RAGE" but I'm fearful people would interprut that for roadRAGE and maybe they would be mean to me or try to race me on the Dallas North Tollway North (Isn't that a stupid name for a road? North North? But I understand since the opposite direction is Dallas North Tollway South. North South. So stupid.)

Anyway, the entire registering my car event made me spazzier. And once I get too far down the spazzy road, well, I have no control over my behavior. This is when I started talking to myself today. At my desk. Loudly. Like I was on the phone. Excepyt I wasn't on the phone. But I was having a pretty decent conversation with myself trying to figure out an easier way to do something in Excel. Excel, I love you, but you really push me to my limits sometimes. And once I start talking out loud to myself, there is really no stopping me then - so I began to draft emails out loud instead of mentally in my mind. This also included statements like "Uh. God. No. That isn't what I want to say." or "Uh, are they crazy?" or "GOD!" or "This is stupid". Etc. Etc. I was caught talking to myself, but I don't care. I said "This is hard. Do you want to do it?". No, they did not want to do it. So, they let me do it my way. Which, today, is out loud.

Do you want to know how much I care about any of this? Zero. My bar is pretty high at work, so if I have a spazzy day with Frizzle hair, poor person outfit choice and out loud commentary for everything I do - well, then I have it. And that is that.

Wampus. Seriously, that is still so funny to me. Kim and I decided I should also name my dog future dog Wampus. "Sit, Wampus". "Come, Wampus!". "Do you want a treat, Wampus?". "Let's go outside, Wampy!!". "Wampy, where is Lincoln?". That will be a great dog name. For MY dog. Don't even think about taking it.

I remembered something I didn't tell you about Ashley's visit... the first night she came I made her a great homemade dinner which I referred to as a Fancy Feast (sans cat) which included herb chicken, baked asparagus, rice pilaf and MOLTON LAVA CAKE FOR DESSERT! Yep. I made it from scratch and it was SO AWESOME and SO EASY! Boys, this is so easy you can totally impress mad bitches with this great recipe I'm going to share with you. And, ladies, you can make this in advance, store it in the fridge and bake at the peak of PMS. It's pretty much the most delicious thing everrr!

All you have to do is: melt 1 cup of choclate chips with 1 stick of butter in the microwave. And then slowly add in 1.5 cups of powdered sugar and .5 cups of flour. And also add in a teaspoon of vanilla. And then add in 3 whole eggs. And then add in 3 egg yolks. Mix mix mix. Pour into ramekins (makes five) and then bake for 15 minutes at 425 degrees. Flip the ramekin on to the plate, sprinkle with powedered sugar. Top with a scoop of ice cream. And then... you're welcome. Enjoy. Mine kind of broke when I flipped them, so I guess I could have baked them a little longer... but that ooey gooey goodness inside was just so delicious I didn't mind at all. Mmmmm.


Bummer, the lighting isn't so great in that picture. I guessss I'll just have to make the last one and try again...

The final update I will give you on my life today is on the person I canceled the date with. Let me say - THANK GOD I CANCELED. I was on facebook and his status this morning was...

"I had to make a difficult decision last night, which affects myself and my future wife. It kinda sucks, but I am confident that God will honor my decision and bring her to me in His perfect timing."

I wish I was making this up. His friends made all these comments on it - some were about Jesus and some where about what appears to be a wild past he has with dating multiple wo once. His final response to all the comments was:


"*****- its crazy how the Holy Spirit has changed me inside. the past is the past, and i have to forgive myself, as God has forgiven me for the many women i've "juggled" and hurt in the process, as i led them on to believe they had a future ...with me. im sure they have healed and forgiven me as well.

***- this is true, and its nothing less than the Holy Spirit within me that has changed how i view women and intimacy. and as we agreed the other day, this girl is definitely different and if it is in God's will, he will bring us together.

*******- thats a good perspective to have, and its good that you have realized some things from your own experiences and that you are honest with yourself about how things are.

******- i like what you said about trust and honesty. i cant imaging that lying ever benefits a relationship. it does neither person any good."

Beyond the obvious (defriending will occur immediately), this person has made it clear to me that I need to, immediately, stop using, in all contexts, the word "HUSBAND". I am totally creeped out. Totally. Completely. So weird. Not that I think I'm the one he wants to marry - but that he is clearly looking to get married.... tomorrow. I know I say all the time "I want to get married" or "He is my husband". BUT - I AM KIDDING. I don't really want to get married. I can't even pick an outfit some days, let alone a husband. AND I don't even like a lot of my crushes for more than two weeks!!! So, starting now, I will completely remove the word husband from my vocabulary. Unless I'm talking about friend Jessica. Who is married. To Husband Keith.

Uh, so weird. I've also decided I'm not dating until I'm 35. That gives all the weirdos 11 years to marry off and get out of my way. I think that is plenty of time to clean up the playing field. And, men are much more attractive when they aren't in their 20s anyway.

1/30/2011

Inspiration

In 2011 I wanted my blog to become even greater, and that seemed possible after such a hit with the new Meet My Follower's section. But then I totally blew it by delaying this post... I hope you can forgive me.

I don't know who my next Meet My Follower will be - but I know who it won't be: JARROD. HE IS NOT FOLLOWING ME! How do I know this? Because I listed out all of my followers (See "All My Followers" over to the right) and assigned them numbers and he was not on the list. I am so mad at him. And will no longer mention his name until he becomes follower 58 (SINCE! Clare is new follower number 57!! More on her later). In numbering my followers, I also found out something terrible. I have a double follower. So, TECHNICALLY, everyone's number is off one - but it meant so much to me that McCowan was #50 that I'm allowing the double following and just keeping everyone's numbers where they are. If you want to know what your number is, check the link tto the right. If you are not on that list, you are rude.

I don't even know what I've been doing while I haven't been posting. But I have been inspiring everyone that thinks of me.

Yep. I have inspired a lot of people to blog. So let's get things straight while they are still manageable - I was here first. With the exception of Chris Lucas, follower 48, who had a blog before me but was not updating regularly, but says he is going to. But, Chris Lucas, have you updated recently? You should. I should interview Chris and Liz once they become Mr and Mrs! Anyway, I will totally support all of these new blogs so long as everyone knows that you all are just trying to be me. And if your blogs become wildly more successful than mine, I will stop following them. I'm bringing this up because Clare, now a follower, requested my advice on blogging because the only technical thing she can do is turn on her computer. I would absolutely read Clare's blog until it became more famous than mine especially if she blogged in the form of nasty emails to people she doesn't agree with. Nate also started a blog that he told me via text message I insipred. I am enjoying Nate's blog and hope to snag a few crockpot recipes from him. And, while GHyde is probably the most inspired person I know and while his blog is not posted - I am still going to say I insipred HIM because that will help my self esteem. Even though Greg pretty much inspires himself. And his blog will be so way cool because he can do all that stuff that he does on the computers. Like those three awesome sweet tshirt designs he made.

Which, I still don't know which one I like the best. But, I do like GHydes idea for RAGEd to be on a hat. But Chat Chat Chat is also so great. More thought must go into this. Later.

One of the sagas of 2011 I've had has been becoming a registered Texas resident. It has been a pain in the neck, now that I've officially decided I'll stay here. I have one day left to become registered, or else I'm illegal. First I had to get my car inspected - which is so easy you can do it at the car wash. And then there was the saga where my insurance company informed me that I was in a $1500 accident in February 2010. In a Ford Ranger. Except, that never happened. And Jackson is a Nissan. So that was so many phone calls with my new insurer, my old insurer and the insurer that submitted the claim. I was very fearful of identity theft - I mean, if you think of all the identities you know, how much fun would you have with mine? But, apparently there is ANOTHER Megan Miller IN Pennsylvania BORN on June 25th and has the same first three numbers of her drivers license that I have. HOW WEIRD, RIGHT!? Anyway, that took a week or two to get figured out and I still have to wait 2 more weeks until my insurance record shows no chargeable events. (Even though my driving record is spotless.) Anyway, then I have to get my car actually registered which of course has complicated paperwork and they ONLY take cash (and, sorry, Texas, I don't walk around loaded with hundos) ... so, needless to say, tomorrow is the last day of January and my final chance to register my car. Before the authorities take me away or something.

I'm also very sad about getting a new license. My current license picture is amazing. Strangers even tell me it is a great picture. I think they mean this as a compliment, but I do find it offensive. I mean - hello, am I not pretty enough in person that you are so surprised that I'm capable of taking a good picture? Rude. Anyway, new Texas license will hopefully be just as great as Pennsylvania license photo. But, only time will tell.

Work continues to be busy and I can't believe January is over tomorrow! There is no end in sight, but I think I'm ok with that. Especially because it means I will enjoy weekend adventures so much more.

Most recent weekend adventure was actually two weekends of adventure - Ashley came to visit. You might remember Ashley from an earlier post and visit last March(ish) in which I referred to her only as "The Terror". I'm happy to report she was very well behaved this visit. We had the most fun last weekend when we watched the Packers game and the Steelers game at a local Steelers bar. We totally raged. And it's really easy to make friends at a Steeler's bar because everyone is so nice and then when you win everyone is so happy. So, I made a friend. Who was shorter than me. And older than me. And apparently I gave him my number. And when I was slightly hungover on Monday, I got a text from him asking me on a date. Which, even though he was shorter than me, I agreed - I'm so open to new things! And then he picked the restaurant and told me what he was going to order... a week early. This was really weird to me. But, whatever, I didn't have time to deal with that. Because in his next sentence he informed me he hoped to be quitting his Starbucks barista job to follow up on a modeling gig he thought he would get. Did I mention he was 30? And 5'10? Is Tyra doing a new spin on Next Top Model? Because, I'm pretty sure most male models are not over 30. Or under 6'0. But, I'm not a dream crusher, so I didn't say this. I just ended the texting.

Then on Friday he asked for my email address so he could find me on Facebook. I allowed this because I definitely wanted to see more of what I've gotten myself into. Ashley was at my apartment then so I said "I confirmed the friendship, stalk him while I get in the shower" and then I get out of the shower and Ashley says "Um, Megan... Facebook says he is in a relationship.". Um, REALLY? Pig. So I text him "Confirmed your friendship. But.. in a relationship?". He responds "Haha nope. I'm not in a relationship. My status says so for a specific reason, but I'm not dating anyone. Lol".

What specific reason other than dating someone would you put yourself in a Facebook relationship?? I think this is shady and don't respond. But begin intense review of profile with Ashley to figure out who the girlfriend is. He went into a relationship on December 21st. With Jesus.

I'm not making this up. I WISH I was making this up. But I'm not. Ashley made fun of me the entire weekend. After taking her to the airport today, and confirming that this was weird with 4 people (Kim, Cone, Mom Daly and Mom) I canceled the date. And, actually, before I officially canceled the date, I decided I don't want to meet new people if they are going to be weird. So this week, I've decided to not meet anyone new.

On to more exciting things... Justin Bieber has a movie coming out. REALLY? Although, after seeing Black Swan I might need a joyful Bieber showing in my life.

I saw Black Swan yesterday with Ashley. We raged Friday night and then Saturday we had such a romantic date day! First off, the 70 degree day was BEAUTIFUL. Yes. 70 degrees. I cannot move to a place where they have regular snow. I'm spoiled. We relaxed all morning with the blinds and windows open and then went shopping at the Outlets and a mall. And we got ice cream at the mall and perused a Barnes and Noble and then went to the movies and saw Black Swan. Really, really weird movie. It kind of gave me an anxiety attack like the show Dexter gave me an anxiety attack. To undo the weirdness of the movie, we decided to go buy some late night dinner treats and rent happy movies for the rest of the evening. We were so pooped by the time we got home, we didn't even have a glass of wine, eat anything, finish half of the movie, or make it up until 10:30. If Ashley's birthday weekend is any indication of 25... I'm worried for my raging status. Either way, the 10 hours of sleep was amazing. And our 2nd weekend was so great!

After I took Ashley to the airport, I came home with huge plans to be so productive. I wasn't SO productive, but I did the dishes and filed my tax returns. I can't wait for my tax return and I'm trying to decide what I want to treat myself with!!! I think I'm going to bridge the gap between a gift card and a watch I've been eyeing. I also really want a memory foam topper for my bed. And I'm going to get my Jackson detailed. Wow, my raging status is definitely dropping as I think about my list of things I "want". I'll find something wild to do/buy and make sure that I update all of you.

1/14/2011

Meet Follower 39: Sister Allie

Welcome to the first installment of “Meet My Followers”. Sister Allie, I think, is follower number 39, and was recently hit by a car while crossing the street. I knew this incident needed a first hand account and thus, Meet My Followers was created. Out interview took place over gchat. Allie, I imagine, was dressed in sweats, glasses and lying in bed.




Sister Allie: Hi sister
me: There you are! Are you home?
Sister Allie: Yea I got home at about 4.
me: Are you miserable?
Sister Allie: Not as much any more. I wasn’t able to eat anything until noon today or even drink. I was hooked up to an IV the entire time had tons of xrays, shots, and a blood drawn. AND my roommates in the hospital were nuts- one was an alcoholic, the other addicted to pills!
Sister Allie: I keep thinking about getting hit and it really bothers me... so scary.
me: Yea! That is terrible, Allie!! What was the person like that hit you?? Was she texting!?
Sister Allie: She was really shooken up about it. I heard her scream but I wasn't allowed to look - you know, possible neck injury. No one would let me move.
me: How was your boss? He was hit too? ALLIE! I heard you got some air when you were hit -- You were thrown FIVE FEET!!??
Sister Allie: We were both hit: I was thrown five feet and got the majority of the cars impact.
me: Besides the new red jacket, what were you wearing? Mom told me you had a great outfit on.
Sister Allie: It was my new Jones New York grey skirt with a black sweater. OF COURSE I got hit by a car the day I was wearing a skirt and leopard underwear. My first thought when I got hit and landed on the pavement was: OMG I just flashed everyone my underwear! How embarrassing!!!!
me: And then you posted to Facebook. Is the skirt ruined? Did your underwear match your outfit? Did they cut the skirt off of you in the ambulance!?
Sister Allie: I was on morphine when I posted, ha - I didnt feel a thing then. And, no, no one cut anything off of me. I forbid them - I had just paid everything off. And, of course everything matched.
me: Thank God.
Sister Allie: The worst part of all of this...
me: Well, how much did you cry? Please measure in buckets of tears. What is the worst part!!?
Sister Allie:... The worst part was the fact that I have been on a diet and had a Diet Coke and a yogurt in my purse ... which exploded on my Kindle, Droid and everything else inside my purse!
me: Oh my gosh!! DROID! DIET COKE!
Sister Allie: I didnt cry too hard until I saw yogurt exploded on my Kindle. And then all of my coworkers and all of Pitt police and EMTs by me also made me cry.
me: Is everything ruined? How is Droid?
Sister Allie: A paramedic was on her bike to class when she saw me, and a doctor came on her way to work to take care of me.... Not everything is totally ruined... but in terrible condition. Everything exploded, thank God I had a case on Droid and Kindle or else it would be donzo.
me: Did you scream "NOOO DROIDD!! KINDLLEEE"?
Sister Allie: Ha! Yea. Once i was on the stretcher and in the ambulance I asked the paramedic to clean them on her jacket.
me: Good.
Sister Allie: Mary my coworker came to see me in the trauma section of the ER and wiped everything else off on my blanket. Oh yea - and my big shot boss came in too... He looks like Will Smith and is so dreamy and I started crying hysertically saying "Don't look at me like this! I am mortified!"
me: What do you think about your MOTHER driving past you?
Sister Allie: Ha Mom AND Grandma! Mom said it was ironic but good because if she would've seen it was me, she would've gotten into an accident too.
me: Well that is good. So, is dad better to be in the hospital with or is mom?
Sister Allie: Dad is. He took so many pictures.
me: So, this was like a field trip for him ... where as mother would probably be more concerned with your health and other petty things. Do you want these pictures shown in your wedding slideshow? Speaking of, why does Boyfriend Matt not follow my blog?
Sister Allie: I email invited him to follow. You should Facebook him and tell him.
me: I will. Is there anything you are not telling me about the accident?
Sister Allie: Umm, I got three lovely bouguets of flowers from work.
me: If you could, would you do it again?
Sister Allie: HA - I would rather break my leg or arm than be sore and have to go through those crazy x-rays.
me: Yes, the maybe hole in the esophagus they were watching... I guess isn't a hole anymore?
Sister Allie: Right no hole... just an odd pocket of air.
me: So... When someone says you are full of hot hair, you are?
Sister Allie: Dad asked the doctors if I will still need a flotation device in water...
me: Does this woman feel bad for hitting you?
Sister Allie: She is probably traumatized.
me: Do you have any advice for people out there who may be considering being hit by a car?
Sister Allie: I made WPXI's traffic twitter
me: That is your advice to other people? To make the traffic twitter?
Sister Allie: No! It is not worth it at all!
Sister Allie: I am totally loving all the extra attention though... except for when people bother me when im trying to sleep.
me: Did Lincoln cry when he got the news? Are you getting any special treatment at home?
Sister Allie: Dad is getting me anything I want for dinner and Lincoln will not leave my side and insists on sleeping on my stomach and licking my face.
me: Do you think we look alike?
Sister Allie: Yea
me: Am I prettier?
Sister Allie: Right now - yes. After I shower with makeup - no.
me: Did I leave anything out of the interview? Oh, state your name and date of birth. And your favorite color, food and day of the week. Drink of choice, dream vacation and 2 things most people don't know about you. Sister Allie: Name- Sister Allie Lee Miller. Date of birth, July 16th. Day of the week is Wednesday. Drink of choice- merlot or Diet Coke. Dream vacation would be somewhere where the sun shines and I dont need sunscreen. Two things people dont know about me are that I was on a billboard for no-smoking ads and I love to clean.

Well, humes, you heard it here first: I am prettier. Over and out.

Resources: WPXI Traffic Twitter: "Accident in Oakland 5th Ave at Bigelow Blvd - pedestrian involved"

1/12/2011

Ouch!

I used to be such a great napper - before Corporate America. BUT! On Saturday I absolutely, positively, needed a nap. So I took one. And then I got ready to go out in Uptown with friends Jessica, Kelly, Carissa and meet up with Erin. We went to a so crowded bar/restaurant for dinner and missed our reservation by 15 minutes which caused them to give up the reservation and then caused us to wait for an hour for a table. This was ok since lots of great chatting occurred. Also, the bar was full of fairly attractive people, mostly young (!) and attractive men too -- all pluses that make waiting easier. Dinner was great and then we went to a piano bar for the rest of the evening.

This bar was pretty much an entry from the site Stuff White People Like. Not only was 95% of the bar all white humans, the dress code was pretty consistent for men: quaffed hair, collared shirt, occassionally a sweater over the collared shirt, lots of khakis, sometimes a blue jean, always a belt. There were also continuous $20 requests for THE WORST SONGS EVER and a $100 request for a school fight song. There were repeated requests of proud to be American songs. Lots of bromance. A 20 something woman wearing what can only be her dead grandma's floor length fur coat (it was 40 degrees out). I mean - they were having THE TIME. White people.

Regardless of all of this -- I did have a great time with the girls and I am so very much looking forward to moving to that part of town!! And, actually, this weekend I am going to look at apartments with future roommate Erin. More to come on that!

Sunday I was tired - which was timed perfectly with snow in Dallas.
I pretty much didn't leave my bed all day, except to make a grilled cheese. I'm Ok with this 1) because I worked all those days and hours, 2) I'm not getting on the road with the crazy Dallasites and 3) I was pretty much stocked up on Diet Coke and chocolate. The news reported on the Arctic Chill and Operation Snow Force One. I also received a threatening email from my apartment complex on the dangers of freezing pipes and the necessity for me to keep cupboard doors open to allow heat to get to the pipes and also the need to leave all faucets on with a steady stream of water to prevent freezing. Blah, blah blah. Idiots.

Monday - regular, long, work day. Most exciting was that after work I had dinner with Matt McCowan and girl named Ryan that he works with. McCowan sent me what I consider the funniest text message he has ever sent to prepare me for the meeting. "I found out Thursday that a newer girl I work with may be coming to the field with me, so she might be around too? She doesn't talk at all though so we won't even know she's there :)". It is still making me laugh just becuase it is so the opposite of typical McCowan. Dinner was great. Ryan did speak. But barely. And I did sometimes forget to look at her when talking.

Tuesday - regular, long, work day broken up by an afternoon dentist appointment. I don't think I have a fear of the dentist - but, I just don't enjoy going there. I am constantly uncomfortable at the dentist - but, since I've been going to the same dentist my entire life, I pretty much know what to expect. Except, my same dentist from home is not also in Texas and I had to pick a new one. And because I'm such a smart health shopper, I took the first guy listed, in-network with the funky stamp next to his name that means "GOOD! COST SAVINGS!".

This was the longest dentist appointment I have ever had. At home, I'm usually in and out - if it takes 30 minutes, I'd be surprised. This appointment was an hour and 15 minutes!! Outrageous. They took xrays that are not just picture on the left picture on the right - they took 7 bite xrays! Do other people do this? My old dentist doesn't do this. And When the dental assistant was done with me the dentist came in and interviewed me. Seriously - interviewed me. "Where are you from? Why did you move here? Where did you go to school? Do you always go to the dentist? Does your family go to the dentist? Do you know about this x,y,z fact of random politics about Pennsylvania?" It was weird and I thought if I answered wrong he would not clean my teeth!! He also put it out there that, as a rule of thumb, he judges people's teeth by the way they are dressed and what kind of car they drive - and then he knows what he will find in their mouth. Um.. ok. He said because I was dressed professionally he expected me to have no cavities. That's a pretty bold statement, having not seen my mouth, right? I told him that and said that I hope I don't disappoint him (I was really afraid) and then I also added in that I just had my car washed and it was spic and span.

I had no cavities. He must know what he is talking about!

And then the dental assistant came back in to do the final part of whatever gets done. She asked me: Do you floss? Now, I know people out there are probably floss maniacs, but for the rest of you normals - do you floss daily? I surely don't. I don't know why - but I just don't. And, since a lot of people lie to their doctors, I decided to be honest and tell her - Nope. I don't floss. But I do use an electric toothbrush, which I know has nothing to do with flossing but I wanted you to know. I think she appreciated my honesty and said if I could try flossing only once or maybe twice a week, that would be a good idea. And then, she did my second least favorite dentist thing (1st least favorite being using that pick in my mouth when they check the teeth) and she flossed my teeth for me.

I don't have a fear of flossing, but I definitely HATE other people flossing my teeth. I especially hate when the dentist does it because they aren't soft and kind - they are aggressive and getting it done SO FAST. I am most afraid that the floss will get stuck in my teeth - even though I know that is not possible. I know this is not possible because I told my old dentist that and he proceeded to floss my teeth but instead of pulling up, he pulled the entire strand through my teeth. SO. SO. SO! Uncomforatble. Uh. I hate that!!!

There was some extra excitement in my family on Tuesday too because sister Allie was HIT BY A CAR!!!!!!! YES!!! HIT. BY. A. CAR!!! I found this out because she posted it on Facebook. The situation was... she was crossing the street in Oakland (Pittsburgh) and was in the walkway when this car was, I guess, rushing to make its light and make a left hand turn - except, the car did not yield to pedestrians and both Allie and her boss were

SMACK
SLAM
HIT

by the car. Allie was thrown 5 feet. It is an unknown distance how far her boss was thrown.

While all of this was occuring, my mother was taking my Grandma into Oakland for a visit to the hospital and my mother was in all of the traffic at this light. And as she drove past, and saw a "woman" on the ground, she thought "I'm so glad Allie doesn't have a red coat" since the ground woman was wearing a red coat. And she drove past and continued on her way. Except...

ALLIE JUST BOUGHT A RED COAT! AND IT WAS ALLIE!

So, I call Allie not realizing she was in the hopsital and I talk with my Dad about the situation. He tries to give me all the details, but really that kind of body stuff makes me squirm and hurts me, so I asked my dad to just provide the thumbs up or thumbs down on her status and I got the thumbs up. Allie was in the hospital overnight with scans and xrays and monitoring what appeared to be possibly a hole in her esophagus but turned out just to be air and I know you all have so many questions, so I'm going to interview her and plan on posting the interview this week. This will be the first installment of a new segment that I am calling "Meet My Followers". You could be my next interview.

Speakingggg of followers - I have new ones!!! Follower 54 or 55 is asian college roommate of sister Allie, also known as Smeiss which is a combination of OH MY GOD Sarah and Meiss JUST LIKE Sam and Merrit!! ANOTHER BLOG LOVE CONNECTION?! Wow, I can't believe I never put that thought process together before. And, actually, I think Smeiss existed before Smerrit! Wow. Ok. And then other follower 54 or 55 is simply "kt". I have two guesses as to who KT may be. The maybe more unrealistic thought (and dream) is that it is the oh so handsome Kit, roommate of Jarrod from New Orleans, and I think this because me and Jarrod were just talking about him via the gchat. (Jarrod gets so many mentions in the blog, he may have to be Meet My Followers Interview #2). Or it is most likely Katie Talerico who I just talked about with Greg Hyde and because I think this thing is telling me she also follows Chronicles of Nan-ia.. The reason they are both "Follower 54 or 55" is because I don't know who joined first - they were there on the same day. You two can decide if you would like to both be known as "Follower 54 or 55" or if you want to be known as your number, which, you would have to tell me what that is. Follower 56 is future roommate Erin! I actually went to $2.25 happy hour with her today! If I had to sum her up, it would be "totally McCowan's type" - pretty, blond, great time. I should also do a Meet My Follower #3 with her since you all should know each other better.

Wow, gosh, I'm going to be so busy!

1/08/2011

Saturday Update

Day 8 of work in Corporate America - this is total BS. I was tote mizzing when I had to wake up this morning. I am no longer telling myself "I knew it was coming" because it is total crap!!!! When I woke up to my MOST IRRITATING ALARM (which, fine, I need it to be irritating or else I won't wake up) I said "Fuck.This." and then I got out of bed, walked over to my alarm and hit the snooze button. Three times.

The point of having my alarm NOT next to my bed is so that when I wake up, I actually get UP to turn off the awful noise. I do that. But then I also go back to bed. And, I usually pull the covers over my head because really, who wants to go to work on Saturday in time for a 7:30 call!!?? NO ONE!!!

I'm saving one of the supervisors of this terribleness and told her not to come in and I'd handle her team today. Not that that is a serious thing - Of her 12 person team, only 2 work today. It's like babysitting, and then putting the kids to bed. Just sitting there, doing nothing (maybe watching TV, or in my case, on the internet) waiting for someone to come here and tell me to go home!!

One of the people I am "babysitting" likes my scarf and I think she also hates her life right now and would rather be in bed. The other one has a cow as her background on her computer. This is definitely weird. But not as weird as when I thought it was a giant pig. She has a lisp. And she has also lost 30 lbs and looks forward to dressing like me when she loses more pounds. This is pretty much an identical picture to what she has on her desktop right now:


And, cow lady keeps talking to me. I think I might move back into my hole of a conference room....

Before I go though, it's come to my attention that I need to be more clear about the statement "Thanks to Miss Claire (one of the few people who still looks great even with chocolate sauce all over her face!) for joining us!!!". It was brought to my attention that I actually have two friends this would fit.

This is follower 53:


This could, and should be, follower 54:

Wow, so I thought I would just come online and do a quick update, but I remembered something (THANK YOU JARROD) that I have been meaning to discuss with all of you!! FACEBOOK! I was in a mood a few weeks, months, days whatever ago. And I started defriending people. I mean - do I really need to be friends with sophmore year RA who did not write us up? No. Do I think she'll ever care that I defriended her? No. She was one person to the roommates, but to her we were lots of people and hard to keep track of. But, I was doing some facestalking a few days, weeks, months ago whatever and one thing led to another and I was clicking on a profile of someone I know I was friends with (and, actually, I know HE friended ME) and.. well... I WAS DEFRIENDED!!!!!! Have you ever discovered that you were defriended??? Was it such a mixed bag of emotions that you didn't know to laugh or cry!?? Because - that is what it was for me.

This kid, Roommate Alex, was roommates with Jarrod in New Orleans. And during a most fabulous visit (really, so fabulous, I should blog about it even though it is way before the time of abitcattywampus) we went got drive through daquaris and went to the Fly and just played games and chatted and Roommate Alex BLACKED OUT (which other people were blacked out too, cough, Cone) - anyway, the only thing Roommate Alex said the ENTIRE TIME was "IDIOT!". That was the only word I remember him saying. I don't think he ever said a complete thought or sentence that did not involve him shouting and slurring the word "Idiot!". And, as far as facestalking goes, he doesn't really bring anything to the table, but, sometimes, you just end up on a profile and like to see what was going on and that jerk defriended ME. Like I am not worthy of his friendship. He, ironicially, IS a total IDIOT! (And he likes yogurt.)

Uh, that trip to New Orleans was SO.MUCH.FUN! It was me, Cone (who flew to Chattanooga and drove down with me), McCowan and Kernion. McCowan and Kernion had just broken up so she, for reasons I'm still not certain of but assume had something to do with anger, bit him. Like - seriously bit him and broke skin and left weird teeth marks on his arm. We also stole a pen and woke up with notes all over our arms and neck about god only knows what after a night of drinking. The next day was the Fly, and you know about that, but you don't know about Bobby
the little toddler who played drinking games with us. I watch Cone drink the sip that was the sip that blacked him out and then led to him vomming out the window on the drive home, Jarrod hitting a bump in the driveway which caused me to bounce and hit my head on the ceiling and my sunglasses broke and then Jarrod pooped his pants just as we were getting out of the car. All in a span of 2 minutes. Liz, so pretty and so artistic, was able to capture this amazing paparazzi shot of all the action.
. Then there was the swamp tour which was AMAZING but there were so many bugs. And then there was Big Al and all his girlfriends, and the HONEYWELL MONSTER!!! Which was really a live boar. And Big Al isn't a person, he's actually an alligator.
And, This one paragraph is doing no justice to the visit which was really ultimate fun. I'm going to go facestalk my own album right now and dream of being back there.

And, upon reviewing emails, I want to share two with all of you, that might really only be funny to the few of us who wrote them or got them, but, in the hopes that you might laugh as hard as I did upon finding them...

We got home late one night and for whatever reason REALLY wanted to email the Walker serv, with McCowan's email. Everyone was so tired ready to pass out, but just before McCowan passed out we convinced him to give us his email password and some words of wisdowm. They were:

dear matthew sterling,

sometimes you are so handsome. sometimes you send emails that cause problems. on the third time you are jewish. but all of the time we think of you. in our thoughts we reflect upon our times we shared. also in our thoughts you're naked- but also some of the time you are wearing a onezies. but enough about lee, g-lo: where are you? tell us the l'amb girls you made out with.. krenibahl your mom says hi. google there's no fee unless we get money for you.

lets get to the meat of things. why are we all here? what is our existence on this planet? whenever i imagine my elightenment i see white. i see purity. i see walkers. and with that purity i see calm. i strive to reach that calmness. in times of black (out) i see this especially. it is you who continusly demands our constant intercession. what i want is just to be given to. to take. it is the circle of life to give and to take.

btw grim shat his pants in new orleans today.

so i have one question for you all: if you would ask god one question, what would you ask him? or her? or it?
do kangaroos punches really hurt?
and also where can i find diagon ally?

yellow.

boiled potatos.

love,
xoxo gossip BULL


Oh my gosh - I hope Jarrod is shirtless reading this and laughing so hard rignt now!!! The final recap was sent to the Circle at the end of the visit. The highlights were:

This is the in the moment Circle recap: ladies.... typing to you right now from new orleans (also a paradise) i'm listening to the obnoxious snore of conor's as we all are dealing with a hang over right now. we had amazing (!!!!!!!!!!!) day drinking today on the mississippi (sip for short) river- all the tulane kids go there and its base the hub lawn but more people and actual water and amazing. there are NO LAWS in new orleans. at least no one to enforce them. ser, beverages everywhere. IN THE CAR. walking into the gas station. at the sip. there are dogs in bars too. and last night we were mini-pyros, lighting everything on fire. seriously, i'm right now enjoying my first diet coke and only because i think it will help my hangover? i d k! anyway, we had the great day drinking and conor gets blacked out (i actually know exactly which sip of beer sent him over the edge) so we are driving home and he is slowly passing out and then the next thing i know he is barfing out the window. everyone in the car thinks this is funny and jarrod does a u turn and slams on his breaks and poor cone still has his head out the window puking. my $5 sunglasses were ruined-- i just bought them this morning at a market. puke is everywhere. jarrod gets out of the car to assess the damage and then tells us he pooped his pants! seriously, POOP. AND during a photo op matt mccowan pulled kernions earring out of her ear- blood was involved. i can't
even believe all of these events that occurred in such short time frame. oh, and last night mccowan tripped on a parking space thing (you know what i'm talking about right?) and i've never seen a wipeout like it... he managed to save half his marg! (they have plastic cups by the doors in case you don't finish your drink and have to leave... its amazing) i hope you girls are laughing at any of this, because even as i type it i'm cracking up.

How badly does this make you want to go on a trip with your BFFs? As non-follower but potential follower 54, Clare, said "to be fair we had more fun in 4 years than a lot of people get in thier whole lives". I want more fun!!

1/07/2011

Now it's official!

In 2010, I wanted so badly to make it to 50 followers. Now abitcattywampus is taking over the world with 53 - YEP! 53!! - followers!! Thanks to Miss Claire (one of the few people who still looks great even with chocolate sauce all over her face!) for joining us!!! In 2011 my blog is going to go to a new level and there are going to be some exciting things rolling out. For example, did you know I've recently acquired the friendly skills and talents of a life coach and graphic designer? Yep. That's right. Amazing. Check out the AMAZING designs of the one and only GHyde. Vote for your favorite and help me pick the official image of abitcattywampus!! This is the first step to getting an official tshirt too!!

Work.Has.Been.Crazy! You all know about my quiet NYE, which was important because I was working all weekend and all week. I probably worked 12 or so hours this weekend. And then this entire week has been 10 or 11 hour days starting at 7:15 AM.

7:15 AM is SO EARLY. Especially on Monday when I was really in at 6:45 AM. I don't know if I ever decided if I am a morning or evening person... I mean, I can be up early and I can be up late, so what does that make me? I have decided that I am not a 7AM morning person, but I am definitely a 9AM morning person. Today I got to sleep until 7:45AM and it was glorious.

The only reason I got to sleep in was because I was covering the "War Room" (more intense than it sounds) from 11-11. Yes. TWELVE HOURS! LUNCH ONSITE! DINNER ONSITE! TOTAL CRAP! This is why I'm blogging from work. And I think it's acceptable - I'm so bored. Things are SO quiet right now, and I'm all caught up. The only thing I have left to do is organize my Outlook emails - which is no small task, but it is just so overwhelming I don't want to do it.

I don't really have any resolutions for 2011, but I think I'm going to get my Outlook under control and keep it there. Right now I have 399 emails in my inbox. 884 in my trashcan (I'm afraid to delete them because as soon as I do someone needs something). And, holy crap, 1904 in my sent box! And I can't delete them because people will miss my email or lie later and I need to forward things back to them and say "See". They hate when I do that. But it sure does save my ass.

Since it was such a big week at work and everyone is keeping morale up (even though it was never down) we had a cake at work today. You could smell the sugar in the buttercream icing. I had a piece. Obviously. With lots of icing and the most chocolate in the marble cake. But, I'm in the conference room right next to the break room... and I can still smell the icing. And there is no one to judge me if I take more. And, I don't have the self control. So, if you were me, how much cake would you have? Is half a sheet cake too much?? Gosh people, just kidding!

Ok, so work work work is my life. Lots of people on site and lots of time spent in the war room. I worked with this one woman who is from my second least favorite place (Chattanooga) (My first least favorite place being the entire state of Connecticut). Well, she hates Texas and specifically Plano because her rental car was broken into at the hotel and her GPS was stolen (Yes, she did leave it out in plain sight, so she was pretty much asking for it). And then she found a big roach in her hotel too. And wah wah wah she is so sad and nearly in tears on Wednesday of this week. Whatever, I don't care. But, Presentation Megan does such a great job of pretending to care! She comes in Thursday as happy as I've seen her: THEY CAUGHT THE GUY! I'm happy for her, and then she starts having word vomit and talking about the "Oriental thief" that walked "right past her" and she "knew he was fixin to be up to somethin". It was terrible. She then starts talking to me about her boyfriend. They have been dating since Christmas when he came to her mom's house where she was sledding. (This woman is 46). And she is texting him and trying to share with me all these sexual innuendos they are exchanging and telling me all about his exwife and her exhusband and her kid who was late for work and now how is he going to pay for his truck that he cosigned with his brother and now she has to help pay for it and oh her boyfriend just loves when she wears skirts and she can't wait to get home and see him because they live so close to each other and sometimes she takes him taco bell after his shift and can I take her to the police station to recover her GPS from evidence?

It was that exhausting of a conversation. She left today. I'm ok with that. And even though she is clearly a total wackadoo, she's in an organization I might want to join later, so, I guess the job connection is worth it. Oh, and she "just loves" me. I'm so loveable.

HA! And, at work, they also do not think I'm capable of being a bitch. I was trying to explain to them that I am very capable, and they don't believe me. I told them, I'm not wasting my breath convincing you I'm a bitch, but could you please write a note to my mother for me??? I wonder if the SVP will...

I got out of work semi early (read: 6:15) yesterday and was able to do an impromtu girl date with a friend of a friends. She is the one that I met at salsa dancing and chat chat chatting and I think we're going to try the roommate thing! I'm excited because I'm so ready to get out of the suburbs and having a roommate will cut down on expenses since now I won't be 10 minutes from work and I will have to pay tolls to get to work. Oh, and she's normal and pretty.

All I've got for you is work crap, sorry humes - but that is my life right now.

1/01/2011

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, readers! I hope you were all out celebrating and getting wild, just don't tell me about it - I have an extreme case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) right now! Let's compare NYE 2010 and NYE 2011.

6PM 2009: Out on the streets of NYC with Natalie, searching for doodads for our outfits. This would result in my lovely feather hair piece.
6PM 2010: Cleaning my kitchen.

7PM 2009: Arriving at 34-15 after a great subway ride and primping and consuming.
7PM 2010: Tidying up the living room with Monk (worst television show ever) on mute in the background.

8:00PM 2009: Finishing primping, increasing consumption and giggling and taking photos with friends
8:00PM 2010: Making spinach dip for house party

9:00 PM 2009: Raging. Gathering tickets. Putting bags over our heads to protect beautiful hair. Calling cabs. More photos. More consuming.
9:00PM 2010: Driving to house party

10:00PM 2009: Arriving at bar. OPEN bar. Checked coats. Consuming.
10:00PM 2010: Teaching people how to play flip cup. (As in, there are people that don't know how to play out there). Teaching people how to play flip cup with Dr Pepper because they don't drink.

11:00PM 2009: RAGING. Seriously. RAGING.
11:00 PM 2010: Receiving text messages from east coast midnight.

12:00AM 2010: 3 way lip kiss, blackout.
12:00AM 2011: Half a solo cup of champagne. People clanging pots.

1:00AM 2010: Unknown
1:00AM 2011: Already home, in bed, sleeping.

...

10:00AM 2010: 5 way chatting session in a full bed with BFFs and searching for Cone's missing jacket, phone and wallet.
10:00AM 2011: Showering for work and eating toast and an orange for breakfast.

I mean, before I go any further, let me say this: Friend Cathy invited me to her house for NYE and I was excited to go because, really, Cathy is great! I knew Lizzie and John would be there. Any beyond that, I predicted it to be a marrieds party... and I was right. I also knew I was driving, so me raging was not happening.

It's just, I felt a little out of place... I still can't believe there are people out there that don't know how to play flip cup! (Not Cathy/Lizzie - thank God!) At one point, the group played Kings and someone's category was "Books of the Bible". Books. Of. The. Bible. On NYE. Is that a little weird?? Although, Katie was there (and while I've met her before, we aren't friends after 2 meetings) anyway, Katie went 3rd during category BOOKS OF THE BIBLE and her contribution was "Scott". That is laugh out loud funny. But, I felt like I couldn't laugh out loud because, I felt like I was in the presence of Jesus people. And, I don't have anything against Jesus people - except I'm not trying to drink with them.

Anyway, most of the night I was having extreme FOMO of all friends in Philadelphia straight up raging and getting wild and giggling the next day and all I wanted was to be overdressed with fake eyelashes and great heels and close chatting with friends or standing on tables and dancing and sipping on rum and diets or cran vods or maybe a shot of tequila and... well, I need to know: does this mean I have a problem? Are other people, besides my friends, this way? Will I never meet kindred ragers in Dallas? Am I left to rage alone? Which, will, undoubtedly turn me into a non rager so that all of my raging friends are no longer kindred ragers and they are in fact blogging about what happened to poor Megan? She used to be such fun? When did she start playing flip cup with Diet Coke???

Lord, I hope not! Anyway, NYE continues to be the worst holiday ever, even though NYE 2010 was amazing and I miss it terribly.


(And, I love that my feather doodad is totally blocking Jarrod!)


Ok - moving on to the present, but, kind of actually the past. I made a killer spinach dip for the party last night and got SO MANY compliments on it! I mean, could I be more domestic? It was hard to find a recipe I liked because lots of spinach dip has artichokes in it and I'm not all about artichokes. I did some research and picked out my favorite ingredients (frozen spinach, mayo, creamcheese, fresh parm, paprika, onion and garlic powder) and made the party's hit food (which is great for my domestic resume). If you're looking for an easy party pleaser, this dip is it!

And now, work. When I took this job, and moved to Dallas, I knew I was going to have to work hardcore around January 1... So, I can't really complain about not being in Philadelphia or having to be functioning for work on New Years Day, I've known this for 9 months and I had plenty of time to mentally prepare! Except, last week some people were just really irking me and I didn't want to help any of them! In the three day week I had last week, I don't think I even had 4 hours worth of work. Until I check my email on Friday (company holiday) to see that people had all of a sudden found things for me to do that they send on Friday but NOT Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday when I had all the time in the world. This stresses me out. I'm the site coordinator for this project and I want everything done and this is just a loose end and it stressed me out. And THEN last week this total B copies me on HER forwarding MY message to HER TEAM and calls me the AA!! AA - ADMIN ASSISTANT!! BITCH PLEASE! ADMIN NOTHING! This infuriates me more than you can know. First because when I do admin shit it is FOR THEM as a FAVOR so they can get other crap done. Also because they will undoubtedly screw something up, and sometimes, isn't it just easier to do it yourself and have your mind at ease? And TWO BECAUSE MY TITLE IS NOT ADMIN! And I run projects! And she knows it!!! So, I think I'm going to ignore her emails and requests for a week or so. That's right lady, I'm 25 years younger than you and I'm your peer - not your admin!

More to come in 2011 :)

PS: Holler to Cranberry Millers with cousins Ryan and Kelly becoming followers 51 and 52! And, if you don't backtrack to read my comments, Kelly did confirm that me eating the pierogi off the floor did get me cousin of the year status! And, actually, Ryan's wedding is the first wedding cousin Lexi got sloshed at and also the location of Aunt Jean's alcohol poisoning. Rock on, Millers. Rock on!