A Red and A Spot are dating!!!

I had a draft post from last Monday saved and I only got two paragraphs in and stopped... but apparently I had big plans to use no spell check, capitalization or punctuation because I was so excited to tell you some "really exciting things!!!!!!" - but, truthfully, I have no idea what I had planned on saying so I guess I wasn't so very excited or it wasn't so very important.

I do remember gasping - yes, gasping!! - when I saw that I had a 42nd follower. Miss Emily Cohen totally made my day when I saw she was following. I mean, really, how unreal is it that I have 42 people that follow this blog? TOTALLY UNREAL! Except both Kolan (not a follower) and Peter (follower) decided on Friday to point out that no, they don't read every word I write and do I "really think" that other people are reading "every word". Rude. And, no I don't. And, honestly, I don't care. This is more therapeutic for me than anything so - TAKE THAT YOU BIG JERKS THAT AREN'T EVEN READING THESE WORDS.

An amazing thing that happened last week- A Red and A Spot ARE DATING! Yep, horse love. How do I know this? They were giving each other a horse hug on the hottest day of the year!! SO CUTE!! I nearly wrecked the car I couldn't believe my eyes! And, this wasn't just a one night stand or anything like that- the next two days they were horse hugging and leaving the other Red out of their horse love. AMAZING. LOVE IS EVERYWHERE!

Other news- the reason I haven't been blogging lately (even though I was on a role) was because work was crazzzzy! Back to back to back 12 hour days with all day interviewing so I didn't even get to do my real work which just made Friday oh so long. And- the interviewing - oh my gosh. Have people never interviewed before? We probably completed 100 interviews in 2.5 days and the things we saw were both good and bad. The worst- some of these resumes and the email addresses they use! I mean- really do I need to know you are a "snowbunny" or does anyone really use "hotmail" anymore?! Ick. So awful, lots of opportunities for me to judge though so that was so great.

I made a promise to Frank that I would post in here about his philanthropy last week and I didn't. Mostly because I'm terrible. And mostly more because I was so very busy and never had the chance to blog. But, while you're reading, check this out: http://us1.campaign-archive.com/?u=787c6922fc13e7eff52952034&id=ae32605970&e= .Great! Thanks. Sorry I can't figure out the hyperling right now.

OH the other SO WILD THING. Remember the other weekend I befriended the lesbians at the housewarming party? Well, last weekend I got invited to hot tub happy hour and mustache birthday party. Yep. Those invitations were emailed to me- except mustache had a typo and was spelled "mousetache" which, now I prefer to say mouse-stache. I declined hot tub happy hour because 1 that is weird and 2 I was working the such long days. But decided to go to the moustache party without a moustache because I can't complain about being bored if I don't go to things I'm invited to. So, I went to the lesbian moustache party and it is worse that a lesbian moustache sounds. Yep. that is possible. It was a lesbian moustache party that ended up also being nascar themed and at a sports zone which is the cheap version of Dave and Busters and includes go karts and mini golf. Yep. This is what I did last Saturday. I did not wear a moustache or nascar and I was thoroughly embarrassed to be seen with all lesbians and straights at this event. I mean, I know I shouldn't judge or think I'm better than people - but, seriously, if you're out in public with a stache or wife beater or tribal tattoo- well, I'll probably judge you. And by probably, it means I will. This does not mean I won't like you later- but my first thoughts will be judging and then when I like you I will think "they should have that ". Lesbian Nascar Moustache party = fail. Seriously. Fail.

I don't even know what my other news is. I don't think I'm telling my stories in order. I can't really remember. Did I already talk about the moustache party? (I now think the word mustache is mouse-stache.)

Alright, what else? Well some time after the moustache party I came home to Pittsburgh. I think it was this past Saturday. No flight issues- except when I got in th cab to get to the airport I got $11 away and had to go back to my apartment because I'm such a genuis and I forgot my phone. Oh, and it was 6:30 am. Super great. Super. Other than that - no issues. My father picked me up in the airport (usually Mother and Sister just drive around until I appear) and we got Giant Eagle Market District for lunch which is such a fancy grocery store!! When back home where I got to take a nap with Linclon and Moses while half watching Runaway Jury or something. Moses and Lincoln are SO CUTE.

Saturday night I went to Andy and Kolan's with Peter. When we pulled up to the apartment Andy appeared to be on the roof which made me think "Oh, cool, beer on the roof" but when we got up there it actually turned out to be his "patio" which is really outside space the same size as their 2 bedroom apartment. Out. Of. Control! Great time and chatting chatting chatting. Also met a man wearing a rosary as jewelry- I'm assuming this is sacreligious. I asked him about this "necklace" - he got it at Aldo. I don't think he should ever where it again. I also met a very handsome man in law school and I said to him "You are very handsome. What is your name?" He told me I was very pretty which always helps my self esteem. And, I did have a great outfit on so I'm not even going to pretend I didn't deserve the compliment.

And now back to work all week- more long days. But a long Labor Day weekend coming up and I'm considering taking vacation next Friday too to make it a super short weekend. I think I deserve that depending on how my Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday go.

Oh, did I mention I'm 10 minutes away from my favorite Macy's? Such bad news. But you should see the hot pink dress I purchased. It's INC which I love and it's got these black pieces on the sides and it's a little Jane from Tarzan and Jane but I think it's totally wild and I can't wait to wear it. Oh, and I bought another dress that is a size 8 that doesn't fit because it's too big which is also so great. And now I'll have to return it and I also got coupons for my charge and... well, I just love shopping. And, no, I'm not in debt. The hot pink dress was originally $90 and I got it for $20!!! CAN'T BEAT THAT!!

Even better news- I have two friends that are also doing online dating. Things may actually begin to happen.

And: The final and biggest piece of news...

In one year I am applying for the Bachelor. I love that show. (And I love the Bachelor Pad even more: The episode this week? O. M. G. Do you watch? If you do, you must tell me- I'll make myself available on gchat during next week's episode so we can chat chat chat so live in the moment.) I think that we as a group should prepare my answers over the next few months and my Bachelor application will obviously reference my blog so they know this is all I want. AND! Dating in the Dark - is that an amazing show or what!?!? It also makes me laugh out loud. I love reality tv. Love.

While I'm jumping all over the place and sharing links, please also see this one: http://www.cbfymca.org/blog/lou-gehrigs-disease/. This is my Uncle and cousin who had the most beautiful father/daughter dance I could ever imagine!

Now it is really really really way past my bed time since I'm on the east coast and commuting 40 minutes to work which means I need to wake up much earlier than I'd like to... total BARF. But, it's ok. Busy days mean I'm making waves.

i've been discovered!!!

Let's go back in time.... to July. For my Program at work we participated in training for 2 days on managing transitions and changes. It was really cool (I think) and a great professional development time. Except, pretty much everyone in the class is friends, or at least friendly- which means there are eyes across the room and calling people out that aren't participating and inside jokes and laughs. This makes training a lot more fun- and we still learn and participate. Actually, I was the star participater, if that even surprises you. WHICH it should because in order to be more "healthy life" or some garbage there were no vending machines in the training building AND NO DIET COKES. AND I DIDN"T COME PREPARED. AND I HAD A HEADACHE. So, day 2 I obviously had to make a pitstop at the gas station for 3 DCs (I gave one to Kim) and then we had candy that day and I was really ultimate participater with caffeine and sugar. None of that has anything to do with what I want to tell you. While we were learning and making silent jokes at our table, I realized that there were so many things happening that I should blog about and I should keep track of them. I spent about 10 minutes trying to open the post-its (those buggers are really sealed up tight for some reason) and started a little mini list of things. The first thing on the list was "Resting Face ------>". Drew, across the room, had a really bizarre resting/listening face and I couldn't look at him with out then catching Kim or Payal's eye and laughing. And then we had THE WORST LUNCH IN THE HISTORY OF LUNCHES. It SHOULD just be a sandwich tray, but apparently the sandwich tray people are sick of making the standard sandwiches so they put all this crap on the tray. Seriously- crap. Ham, some Indian sauce (love the people, not the food) and pineapple on not even white bread. And then there was the tuna salad, I think, which they call "fish salad" was also untrustworthy and I ended up eating lettuce for lunch for two days - which the trainer said is like eating nothing since there is no nutritional value in lettuce. But, I added dressing, I assume there is negative nutritional value in all dressings. (Assume means I know.) But the cookies were good, and I made a plate for the table (but really myself)- that also made it on the list of items and also increased my sugar intake which kept me participation level. Wouldn't you all like to take a class with me right now??

Anyway, I carried my post its around the entire training and when someone did something blog worthy I wrote it down. But then it just became a punishment tool, if someone did something bad or annoying, I also wrote it down. If you are writing things down, you'd be surprised at how quickly people change their tunes. New kid who probably doesn't quite understand my sense of humor did something I had to write down and he quickly backtracked and said "Wait, what is that you are writing? That's not what I meant". Also- people are usually perplexed when you pull a tablet and pen out of your pocket unexpectedly and begin writing. I suggest it- just for a night.

The reason I told you ALL OF THAT is because 1) Kim was whining that I never mentioned the list and we did get a lot of good laughs from it and 2) I should write things down more often- I am not so good at working from memory anymore (remember the cube power incident?). One thing I always want to write about but never remember to post is about my horses. I have three horses that I consider mine since I pass them every day on my way to work. I call them two reds and a spot because two horses have red fur- do horses have fur?- coats, whatever. And then the 3rd one is spotted brown and white. Two Reds and A Spot. I started off loving Two Reds and A Spot but now I pretty much think they are lazy pieces of garbage. I mean- THEY DO NOTHING ALL DAY EXCEPT EAT. THEY DON'T EVEN RUN!!! I've seen them run... once? twice? It dramatically improved my day- they were so carefree and galloping!!! BUT SERIOUSLY all they do is eat, every single time I see them. YES I have considered that I drive to and from the office at either breakfast, lunch or dinner time- but I think that have to have some variety and I know I have some variety so it isn't like I pass them every day at 7:55 AM or every evening at 5:25 PM or whatever it is. Always eating. Pigs. But, seriously, do horses have fur? Is that what it's called?

If you're a human, it's called hair. Which, speaking of, I got mine cut yesterday. FINALLY. I did a google location search for "hair salon" and picked the first one which luckily had all 5 red stars, called them up and they said "Yes, we can see you at 5:30". Amazing. Except, yesterday was a terrible day. Bad hair. Bad outfit. Bad makeup. I just was not an attractive person. I had to rush home and change and try to make myself presentable- how terrible to walk into a salon looking like a slob and then they give me the haircut of a slob!?? I was not having that. Mansour (Persian) was my stylist and is also the Creative Director of the salon. He was so great. He thinned out my hair BIG TIME - he took out 1/3 of my ponytail!!! And I still have so much hair. And he agreed that I should never cut my hair to my shoulders because there is just too much volume and he gave me the best 20 minute (TWENTY MINUTE!) shampoo ever. It was a scalp massage. Love. And I wasn't even so uncomfortable at the sink with the no neck padding- which, why don't they put neckpadding in there? I'll tell you why- because the stylists never wash there hair there until it's too late to order new ones and they realize TOO LATE how uncomfortable it is. But, the shampoo was great. And then Mansour got me a glass of white wine and started cutting, cutting, cutting. I understand a salon is a great place for gossip, but I really enjoy silence so I didn't do too much chatting with Mansour- except he's going to be a US citizen in 3 months, he loves to travel to the beach and he used to travel a lot for his previous job. He gave me a so great cut. So perfect. Great layers. Great angles. Great blow dry. Great straightening at the end. Ultimate. Cut. Also, most expensive cut I've ever had- $80. Which, for as much hair as I have and the quality of the salon I feel that it pretty reasonable- I also got 20% as a first time customer. And, as I was paying, receptionist Lauren (Who I think I would be friends with, but I'm not sure how I would make her my friend) says "You know, we are always looking for hair models, would you be interested?". Yep. Discovered after ultimate cut by Mansour. (Which as I type that I now realize his name looks like Man-Sour but it is really said Man-sore, just quickly pushed together but with more of a U sound than an "or" sound). Anyway, I've been discovered. It was only a matter of time. (That was a joke, people. God. But not really.) But, I don't understand why for "hair model" they needed to know my height and size clothing. This is peculiar to me- and makes me think it was maybe a guessing game they were playing to determine the width of my child bearing hips. (Which- I know the width ofmy hips from bridesmaid dress fitting last year and will not share that.... let's just say my measurements are offensive and not quite aligned.).

Holy new followers!! I'm so on a roll!!!! Nathan AND Chad!!!!! Nathan is, excuse me, was reader but not follower but is now follower. Friend of Erica- we've never met. I know nothing about him, except that I'm assuming he also lives in DC? Which is SO FUNNY because other new follower, Chad is my virtual bff who I have also never met (in person) and who is ALSO in DC!! We met on a list serv, and the rest is history- ehistory.


PS: Remember that red-eyed bug? I saw it's sister... evil-sister bug today. Except it runs - YES RUNS - like a mouse and hops like a grasshopper. I. Swear. To. God!!!!!!

over it

I meant to blog twice already this week- but I didn't do it. Hopefully I remember all my great blogging ideas for this post...

Most importantly- weeks and weeks and maybe more likely months and months ago I set up my TV in my bedroom so I could move the box and make more room for clothes in one of my closets. For those weeks and weeks and maybe more likely months ago- I haven't turned the TV on because... well, I haven't. AND - it isn't my TV with DVR so really what is the point? Anyway, last week I decided to turn it on and it didn't get cable. I did the only two things I knew how to do: 1) make sure the cable wire was screwed in and 2) call the cable company and tell them something was wrong. I spoke to this so nice man named Jerry. Jerry was SO GREAT!!! Since the problem was obviously user error (me) and not the cable company- he even downloaded the instructions for my TV to figure out how to use the side buttons on the TV instead of the remote since I had no batteries for the remote. He spent so much time with me on the phone trying to work the buttons and then even waited for my channel scan to finish. And THEN he said "Megan, did you know you can receive Showtime free for a year!?" and I said "Jerry, what is the catch with this free-for-a-year Showtime?" and he said "Nothing! It's just a special we are running and I thought you might want it". Well, I said Ok, obviously, and now I'm totally into the one episode available of The Big C and Weeds. Except- Weeds really creeps me out since now I think every single person is a drug dealer.

Other things that happened last week?? I gave my first Toastmasters speech. Apparently not everyone knows what Toastmasters is- it's a public speaking group with chapters across the country. You complete 10 speeches and participate in different roles in each meeting (evaluator, um counter, grammarian) and then you become... a Toastmaster!!!! My first speech was the Ice Breaker speech and you just tell the group about you for 4-6 minutes. My speech was on my favorite thing inspired by my new book Astrology for Dummies. I talked about how Cancer I am. I won best speech. There were only two. The other person was disqualified for going over 6 minutes. BUT I still got best speech and was told I was a natural- obviously. My next speech is the organization speech so I need to make sure I have a beginning, middle and end. Easy enough- except I need a topic. Any suggestions?

Alright - this weekend. I might be turning emo, which, for the blog seems to be what you jackwipes want, but for my own personal happiness- not so great. I decided I am over Texas. I don't know if this is temporary or not- but it is what I am. At the moment. Or forever. Whatever. Which is why I'm happy I get to go back to Pittsburgh on business- except, on my last visit, my mother seems to be preoccupied with when I am getting a haircut. Mothers- right? As a good daughter, I scheduled an appointment for yesterday at 4pm. I got their 10 minutes early. At 5 to 4 Kelly came over to tell me she was running "twenty" maybe "twenty-five minutes tops" behind. No problem- I'm in no rush. 45 minutes later I'm seething. This bitch (not B- she gets the entire word) didn't so much as look at me and she was TWO clients behind!!!!!!!! I death stare her and everyone in the place and then storm out. Drive home and plan my bad review for Yelp.com. But I have to go to a housewarming party on Saturday night so I stop at the grocery store to buy ingredients for buffalo chicken dip.

I go home, still angry about my non hair cut, but whip up some dip and put it in this great casserole dish that is SO CUTE that I've really been wanting to do. I grab everything (dip and chips) and get in the car as I'm already 25 minutes late. I don't get to the second street and that F-in casserole tips. Lid off. Dip. Everywhere. Fuck. My car smells like HOT SAUCE AND CHICKEN. Am I pissed off? Yes. My level of talking to myself reaches a new high as I realize this is a disaster. Turn the car around, remove the floor mat- THANK GOD MOST OF THE DIP IS THERE!!!- and try to carry it into my apartment. But you have to scan yourself in and I've got a mostly white dress that is now dip speckled and I'm carrying the floor mat and the cute casserole dish I love so much and I met nice new neighbor Mike who definitely has a complex judging by his car and he lets me in and thinks it's "so weird that we're neighbors!!" or something I didn't have time for (not my husband). The buffalo chicken dip is semi salvageable but I need something to calm my nerves- this is when I have what has to have been my 6th DC of the day. But I neeeeeeded it.

I get to the housewarming party- eclectic group. Befriended two lesbians and I'm now invited to a 30th birthday party next week. It's a mustache party. TBD on my attending or not attending status. I'd rather be miserable I think- yep, that's where I am tonight.

At the housewarming party I got a tour of the house- owner of house is a 30 year old heterosexual man from work who is growing a beard for the mustache party (yes, a beard for the mustache party). He has a cat. He has an extra room with no furniture in it, JUST a cat bed and one of those clawing things. Yep- saw it with my own eyes. Then the tour goes to th master bedroom where he has fancy drapes on the walls in TWO colors (brown and blue). And then the master bathroom where he has CANDLES ON THE BATHTUB. I don't understand. Jokingly I said "have you taken a bath yet" and he honestly answered me "not yet". No words.

Places I should be- my closet. It's pretty much a disaster. And then there are the three baskets of laundry I need to do but I'm out of quarters. And the worst pod shuffle ever is on right now.

And...

I used the F word in the blog. That's my mood. I need a glass of wine. Only 12 months left of Texas and its obnoxious heat.

PS: I hope I made lots of spelling errors in this blog.

PPS: Hi Nathan, friend of Erica, who I have never met and is reading but not following. I'm onto you. And the rest of you too.

my b yo

Uh, gosh- today I really HAD. A. DAY.

We had visitors in from Eden Prairie and I knew they were coming and I got everything set up for them and was in the office early waiting for their arrival... and things just fell apart.

I wasn't all the way reading emails- and then responding. I was starving but couldn't find anything to eat. My desk drawer was jammed. I mean- all minor things, but I really was tote mis (= totally miserable for new followers. Keep up, god.)

The morning (read: next 2 hours) continues to be crappy and EP guests arrive. Their cubes are not letting them hook up to the network and I'm freaking out because this is NOT A SMOOTH WELCOME AND WE ARE LOOKING BAD. I'm calling the IT guy and I tell him the problem and the fix I know will fix it but I can't do it myself since I don't have access... and he says, Ok, no problem just give me their cube numbers. I say, yes, of course 105 and 106. He flicks the switch.

I go over to check on 105 and 106 and... weird... it's still not working?? What are their REAL cube numbers, you ask? 217 and 218. I mean, REALLY MEGAN? Immediately the blood rushes from my face after I realize what I have done... not only have I NOT fixed the problem at hand, but I have just requested power/access be removed from two other cubes in the office. With people in them. Working on projects. Attending meetings. And then... nothing. Access = gone.

Oh. My. God. I run back to my desk to call the IT guy but it's too late- he's already out of his lair since cubes 105 and 106 are pretty TOed (Ticked Off- Napoleon Dynamite, people, gosh) and want to know what's wrong. I of course run over and apologize, and apologize AND apologize. I then promise to never work from memory again and to write all cube numbers down. Cubes 105 and 106 give me a hard time since it is convenient that they are the newest ones in the office and maybe this is some type of initiation (which it isn't, but kind of was)... All three men (105, 106 and IT -who wears really weird shirts that are like wind breaker jackets but still shirts?- really weird) Anyway, they all say this is fine, but it really can't be. That was a pretty crappy mistake I made... and remember 217 and 218? STILL WITHOUT ACCESS!! Also, timing on all of this? Before 10am. I mean, can you just shoot me already??

Now pretty much everyone in the office knows that I have "the power" to end their day and there was some teasing- which I totally deserved- but, despite what you read in the blog, I do really try to keep my stupid idiot jackass moments OUT of the office. And, well, I messed up today.... my b, yo.

PS: In the beginning of the year I was rocking out with 11 posts a month!!! You think I can do that in August???!!! Here goes nothing....

my venus is in leo

If I've had a crush on you for half a day- I've probably called you my boyfriend when discussing you to friends. Sometimes I've called someone my boyfriend and I haven't even met them- and this is NOT weird. Do not be creeped out, I know that we aren't dating. When I am finished with whatever crush I have at the moment, I then refer to them as my ex-boyfriend. But, a boyfriend who doesn't know he is my boyfriend can also break up with me- which is devestating when someone that doesn't know he is your boyfriend knows enough to break up with you anyway.

Like I've said before, I go through crushes like underpants. My crushes rarely last as long as you would expect- but now I can blame my fickleness on my stars and planets.

See- I'm in to astrology right now. SO IN TO IT! I even purchased Astrology for Dummies from the Barnes and Noble. When I didn't leave my apartment pretty much all weekend, I read some of Astrology for Dummies and created my birth chart (which you can do online for $Free.99.- BUT you need to know your EXACT birth time because planets shift by the minute and if you are just a few minutes off you can end up with your Neptune in Libra in the fifth house when really that is wrong!).

Anyway- back to what I was talking about- my Venus is in Leo. The birth chart gives you a break down of your strengths and weaknesses based on each planet in each house with each sign.... And, my weaknesses for Venus in Leo are stated, exactly, like this:

"seduces for the sake of seducing to prove to herself that she is attractive (this gets worse with age)"

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!?! Especially the "this gets worse wtih age" part!! The first time I read that and thought "my birth chart is so rude!!" but then I read it again, and well, maybe this is why I don't have a husband. As soon as I have the crush, I'm over it. That is terrible of me.

Other things that are very amusing as I connect the dots to my future husband:
House II in Libra: Income will come either as a result of an advantageous marriage, or by a very useful association.

House IV in Sagittarius: She will certainly marry a foreigner, or go to live abroad permanently and set up home there.

House VII in Pisces: Marriage with someone who will quickly disappoint. The spouse's lack of energy and vitality will annoy her, and this could lead to the break-up of the marriage. A second, happier one could happen.

And, even though I know it, it's nice to see my stars are counting on it:
Sun in X: Successful career is guaranteed, but may sometimes come late.
House X in Gemini: Profession requiring lots of change and movement. If this isn't the case, then lots of job changes. Likes to move, travel, write.

This is all very fascinating to me and my end goal is to be able to chat with someone and go "Oh, you're an Aries" or "Oh, you are being such a Virgo right now" or "Your third house must be in Cancer".

It's nice to know that I might be in love twice, but while I'm waiting for at least ONE handsome man, I've really been doing a great job at treating myself. For example- yesterday when I finally decided to leave my apartment I went to purchase two green peppers, one red pepper and chicken (this was at half of Pete's suggestion). But, while I was in there I decided to treat myself to champagne. And then I was cooking up dinner and having just one glass of champagne and then Mad Men was over and the champagne was gone. And I was feeling quite great. And I think that is how I will spend more Sundays.

In an effort to educate my readers in all things brown that I pick up on a daily basis- you should know that some of the browns are super big on their stars and planets and before they can get married to another brown they have to have their stars approved by the priest or whoever the browns have at their weddings. OH! Also- browns have this great thing called biodata that they put up on brown dating websites. Literally- this data is OUT OF CONTROL. Height, weight, parents occupation, past times- it's more of a resume than a dating profile. AND! LORD! Even WORSE these browns (or their crazy brown parents) send emails to other profiles with subject lines of "marriage". MARRIAGE. ON THE FIRST COMMUNICATION. BASED OFF OF A RESUME. OUT. OF. CONTROL. I love every second of brown life. (9 browns in that last paragraph if you were counting...)

Safety Committee Update: Ergonomics training and testing will take place and I may be involved/responsible. I let them know (them=outside consultant on ergonomics who has a skewed vision of what my role is since it is NOT ergonomics anything) that I was not ergo-anything and my name was not ending up in a disability claim somewhere. I mean, really, ergoconsultant? Leave me alone- I have other things to do besides record injuries based on improper keyboard fitting, or whatever.

Hey, Pittsburgh readers and followers: I'll be home the 28th-13th!!! Are you so excited!? Let's rage!

Welcome new followers!! Wow, my last b-session mut have been fooorrr real since I got FOUR new followers!! Brother Adam is Twin A in the twin set and continues to secure his position as number one twin as a new blog follower. Miss Jillian seems to have figured out her gmail status and is now a real follower- which is good since she was on thin ice with fake following AND missing out on the most recent training in CT. THIRD FOLLOWER (can you believe this!!) is cousin Kelly who is living out ever PSU grads dream and living in State College. And, final and fourth follower is Dave's girlfriend (not sure why) Lindsay who recently did something disgusting to her arm that has caused it to need stitches and a cast and really I can't look at it without my stomach turning- but she's a really nice girl anyway.

And, was anyone else worried that Kym wasn't going to pick Storm on Dating in the Dark!!?? Heart stopper!

jesus take the wheel

Let's see- I left off at making an online dating profile (which my mother is NOT happy about at all). See, my mother thinks I'm going to be killed by a random stranger, and I think that is absurd. The messages and characters out there are SO FUNNY. Maybe we'll have a blogging session where my readers get to edit my profile or provide responses to send to these messages I get....

I traveled to CT on Thursday and finished the book The Help (recommended by ex roommate Kerri)- SO GOOD! Read it if you haven't. Or, wait a few weeks until Kim is done with my copy and I will mail it to you. You can't put it down! It's so great! Work, work, training, training on Thursday and I wore a such great clearance dress that was a fabulous blue color but only had regular hair- which was a little upsetting . Thursday night was a rager that I didn't really think through- 5:45 AM wakeup call to spend time fixing my hair so it was better than Thursday came WAY TOO SOON! But, Kim, Ash and I made it to work on time and I brought two diet cokes to make sure I was totally prepared for day 2 of training. Which... ended early!!!! We went to the clubhouse and had a few beverages before going out to dinner.

Dinner was great because I was one of only 2 white girls there- WAHOO!!!!!! Browns, blacks, half an asian.... it was great. Until it wasn't and conversation was terrible and I wasn't even having half of a time and Kim and I left to go get ready for the evening. The evening started AWFUL TERRIBLE. I mean... on a scale of 1 to 10 I got to a 1.8. Tote mis. Did not want to participate but had to because I was there. Dave took it upon himself to raise mine and Kim's fun factor to above 5 - and - as much as neither of us want to admit it... he may have had a hand in raising the fun factor to at least a 5. The night continued to progress and Kim and I might have tried an awful shot at the encouragement of Paul the bath room guarder. What did he suggest? Cafe Patron. Hoodrat? Maybe. Good? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Coffee flavored tequila? Are you vomming just thinking about it? Umm, yea you are. A bunch of other work people arrived and a few more drinks and before you know it times are nearing a 10. Times were so near a 10 that when Kim and I had to sleep on a non-vacuumed floor at Dave's apartment... well, we didn't even mind!!!

Kim and I got up early to go drive to Philadelphia- she lives south of the city and was dropping me off at my cousin's wedding north of the city. First event of the car trip was stopping at McDonald's. It was 10:43 and we both wanted breakfast but while driving there Kim remembered Big Daddy and said that breakfast is done at 10:30 and we'd have to get lunch. Obviously, on the ride over there, I resolve to get chicken nuggets and start to get a taste for them and we drive up to the window but... we're still curious about breakfast. Kim asks if they are still serving breakfast and the woman in a weird way says yes but ultimately we decide we both want the chicken nuggets. So Kim says "two number 10's please" and sausage burrito or something disgusting shows up and she says "No- we want the lunch menu" and the woman says "we aren't serving lunch" and Kim and I pretty much paralyzed at the thought of this.... WHAT DO WE DO NOW!?? Let the line behind us grow and keep looking over the breakfast menu complaining about how we wish we could get lunch. We finally decide on matching biscuit breakfast with large waters. We eat in the parking lot near a stinky garbage can and get back on the road. We spend some time talking about dying - which is morbid and a little bit of foreshadowing and then the most terrible of things happens...

On the highway.

Going 55 MPH.

Just heading to Philadelphia.

HORNS! BREAKS! SPINNING! GUARDRAIL. ACCIDENT!!!!!!!

Oh my goddddd. It was that stressful!!! What had happened was Kim was just driving along, minding her business and this JACKASS BLACK TRUCK COMES ZIPPING UP THE ROAD AND RIGHT INTO OUR LANE!!! To avoid immediate collision Kim lays on her horn and hits the breaks and this is when the car goes out of control and we spin out across 4 lanes of traffic. Kim and I look at each other during the spin and she is saying "Oh my God, Megan!!! Oh my God, Megan!!!" and I'm yelling "Kim!! We're fine!! We're fine!!" and we go into the far left median and the front of the car hits the guard rail and I remember praying "Don't let it hit Kim's door!! Don't let it!!" and dirt is flying into our windows and we finally come to a stop and HOLY FRICKIN CRAP. The JACKAS BLACK TRUCK continued to zip away leaving us in disaster mode. However, for as emotional as Kim is and as high-strung that I am- we really handled the entire incident quiet well. We took a minute in the car just breathing and finally got out of the car. 2 cars pulled over to wait for us to surface but they quickly drove off. There were crickets everywhere in the grass which was disgusting. Considering the fact that God miraculously made all cars on the road behind us we were so lucky to not hit anyone else. I mean- just so lucky! Hearts pounding, panicked, but fresh off of training we immediately gave each other feedback on how well we did in our first accident and what could we do better next time. Does this mean we work too much? Maybe. Regardless- the police came and got us off the highway and gave Kim an incident report and, Kim, such the trooper, continued on our way to Philadelphia!

We kept reliving the accident the entire time- I mean, it's definitely a stressful event and I kept remember looking at the guardrail and knowing it was going to be a terrible collision.... but... then... it was the most minimal accident that it could be given the circumstances. We were really SO SO lucky. Miracle. Kim believes this is why people turn to God- she might be right.

Called my parents to tell them about the accident and tell them I'd be late. Which I was... so I had to rush rush rush to get ready for the wedding and overall hated my hair, makeup, dress and just wasn't having a pretty moment. Also, while getting ready the last few minutes Allie and my mother continued to sing "Jesus Take the Wheel" because of my near death experience. When we got to the lobby I found out I was the hotel's guest of the day and my parents made a huge deal about it in the hotel since I did almost die and the counter person even gave me this special treat bag for being guest of the day... Except, while I was Megan M, I was NOT guest of the day since the hotel reservation wasn't in my name. This is when Dad said it was time to get going before they figured it out...



My cousin's wedding was beautiful. I mean- not even I have a single complaint. Tent, music, food, family time, dancing, drinks, weather... ALL AMAZING. Father of the bride toast left not a dry eye in the tent and awesome music made sure no one was sitting and everyone was jamming. Table Eleven was the older cousin table and we wooped wooped everything and laughed and chatted and made table 11 the BEST. Essentially, the ultimate wedding was had.

My trip home, flight included, was smooth sailing- except, I need a vacation from my vacation. Work was out of control today- in by 8 AM out by 6:30... oh, and lunch at my desk. Tomorrow it appears that I have 7 hours of meetings back to back to back... so who knows when I'll get to go to the bathroom, grab another DC or, most importantly, EAT!!!!

Is it Friday yet? Can I wish for that on a Monday???

PS: Cousin Danny has a tshirt company. Reader submissions for tshirt designs are still be accepted.

PPS: WHY IS NO ONE NEW FOLLOWING ME LATELY!!?? RUDE!!! EVEN JILL SAID SHE IS BUT I DON'T SEE HER AND CAN NOW ONLY BELIEVE THAT SHE IS A LIAR!!!!